Weekly training

So as my most loyal of readers will remember, for the past few months I have undergone weekly training session with a DC Sir named Larry who I have known for a few years now. We have played before, and I had already learned a lot from him about play and submission in general when I agreed to commit to once-a-week meetings. I had told him I wanted to learn more about submission, and he agreed to me explore if I was willing to treat it like a serious endeavor.

Some of you have asked why I didn’t document these weekly sessions, and there are a few reasons for that. For starters, not every week involved kinky (or any) play or sex. Some weeks were perfectly non sexual, and some were sexual without any kink. Also, what I learned through my training I learned gradually throughout our relationship as opposed to at a specific instance.

So what did I learn? Well, where people think “training sessions”, they probably think I learned how to sit, stay, etc…. To give a Dom a massage, to clean for him, to cook for him, etc… Basically, “training session” connotes learning a behavior. But frankly, I didn’t really learn any particular behavior. I already knew how to do all the aforementioned things.

No. What I learned was how to interact intimately with a Dominant man, and how to really BE submissive. This is two pronged. Learning about the interaction mostly refers to learning about communication. How to appropriately speak to and with a Sir. This includes not only how one speaks to Him, but also how to bring up problems and concerns in a way that emphasizes your trust in Him. I even talked to him about how to avoid being too pushy. More accurately, we talked about how to be just pushy enough for a Sir to find it charming. Hehe

As mentioned earlier, I also learned about how to actually be submissive and serve. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of experience serving men (sexually and domestically). But ALL of it has been from a self-serving place. Now sure, I have done things for men because I was crazy about them and just wanted to do something sweet, but even then it always suited my own desires as well. Having this weekly schedule with Larry made me force myself to push through the times when I wasn’t really up to it. I had made a commitment to serve Him, so even when I was feeling a bit blahh I had to remember that it was really about Him.

There were also some very hot sexual scenes, but these are the two areas in which I grew the most during my training. In just a few short months, I feel like I gained some invaluable insight into and understanding of what it means to serve a man.

boy's uniform

As I have indicated in a past update, I have weekly training sessions with Sir Larry. On days when I meet up with him, I wear what he has defined as my boy's uniform. When he first described this a year or two ago, I would wear it just to meet up with him. Lately, however, I put it on first thing in the morning on the days we meet. I enjoy the feeling of wearing it during my daily labors; class, studying, work, etc... It gives me a feeling of correctness, or rightness.

My boy uniform consists of:
One pair running sneakers
One pair white ankle socks
One pair dark blue jeans
One pair white briefs
One white tee shirt
One black leather belt (he likes my studded one)

It may not be what you idealize. I know, especially, the substitution of sneakers for boots will make some of your old guard leather types turn up your noses a bit. But this uniform works for me, and it pleases him. And I am more than happy to wear it.

The human footstool

Last night I went to Sir Larry's as part of my weekly training schedule. There will be more on this to come, but for now I just want to discuss a specific service I provided last night. After we had fooled around and He came, he took me to the living room and ordered me on all fours. He took a seat on the couch, turned on the BBC, and used me as a human foot stool for about twenty to thirty mins.

This was the first time this has ever really happened to me, and I have to admit, I rather enjoyed it. For anyone who has ever read Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, you'll be familiar with his assertion that technology combined with the fast pace of modern human life leaves us almost no time to just think. To stop trying to engage and just think. Last night, on all fours with Sir's sneaker tied to my face and his feet resting on my back, there was a meditation-like quality to the experience. Whats more, there was a certain privacy I felt down on the floor. Maybe a privacy of thought. In many ways, I was in my own little world. And even more than my own room, or bed...I felt very much like I was in my own private space in the world.

Of course, I can't discount the feeling of the situation itself. Being a human footstool gives the tiniest twinge of humiliation, with the soft contentment of servitude. I was naked on all fours, objectified for the man I serve. It was exhilarating, for sure, and my cock remained full (though not stiff) the entire time. But it was these feelings of servile contentment coupled with the privacy of my own thoughts within that position that truly made the experience worthwhile for me as a boy.

I very much hope for this form of servitude to be a regular part of my training.

Obeying

About twenty minutes ago I messaged a Sir who may soon be training me full time to ask him how his day was, what his plans were, if there was anything I could do for him, etc...

His reply was simple, "Yeah, take off your underwear and shove them in your mouth". He then said he was signing off and that I may take them out in an hour.

And now I am sitting here, with my dirty briefs stuffed in my mouth, held in with duct tape. And I'm doing this for no other reason than I was told to, and that it pleases Him.

Servitude

One of my greatest desires as a boy is to provide service. Sexual, of course, but also domestic. I find it both humbling and infinitely rewarding. For starters, I actually like to clean. With my life so full of academics, internships, jobs, etc... progress can be so difficult to measure. But when I'm cleaning, it allows me to focus on a simple task in front of me. When I'm finished, I can look at the work I have put in and see the obvious results. And when you add in that I'm serving a Man, the pay-off doubles.

Now, this semester has been pretty hard on me time-wise. With an internship, full academic schedule, and three jobs; I had to make a lot of sacrifices. One of the first things to go was servitude. In the past two weeks, the semester has slowly drawn to a close (ONLY TWO MORE FINALS LEFT!), which has freed up some time for me. One of the first things I did was email Sir Larry and BEG him to let me serve him. I'm getting excited right now, even as I type this. I begged him to train me a bit more, push my submission and my obedience. Thankfully, he did.

He instructed me to be at his place at 5. He wouldn't be home from work until around 6:30. He would leave a key for me at the desk. Instructions would be waiting when I arrived. I felt exhilarated by the prospect, and on the day of my service I would anxiously check the time every half hour or so.

I showed up at 5, as instructed. I got the key from the front desk and went up to his apartment. When I got in, I put my bag down and looked for instructions on the front table. They were there; succinct, specific, absolute. A ball gag lay on the table, next to the instructions.

boy,

Welcome. Strip to your underpants. Put the gag in your mouth. Here are your tasks:

1. Clean the guest bathroom.
2. Clean the master bathroom.
3. Clean my sling rack (use windex).

Supplies are on the kitchen counter. I'll be home around 6:30.

Sir

The simplicity of it excited me more than I can describe. There were no frills, no specifically sexy language. I was his servant, and here were my instructions.

Now, I'm not going to describe my labors in detail. No matter how much you may like this blog, I doubt any of you will be particularly enthralled by an epic depiction of cleaning a toilet. hahah. However, I do want to impart just how meaningful each labor was. It is rather difficult to describe, but I really am trying. It isn't that there is a "thrill" in preforming these activities. It's more that there is a sense of....right. I think that is the best word I can find to describe it. Ball gagged, stripped to my white briefs, on my hands and knees scrubbing a bathroom floor (no, not a bathroom floor, Sir Larry's bathroom floor)...it all just felt right. What's more, the fact that he wasn't there only furthered this feeling. It wasn't just a sex game. My worth wasn't measured by how much I could turn him on or anything like that. I was measured by my utility, and my ability to submit to a Dominant man's authority outside of a playspace.

It isn't so much the event that I am looking to describe in this post, so much as what its like to crave that sort of servitude. For me, a lot of my experience as a boy, emotionally speaking, is deeply rooted in the mentoring and fostering that happens between a Sir and boy. But as much as I am a boy who needs to be taken care of, I am also a servant that needs tasks and chores. Being stripped and gagged really helps me get to that servile headspace, but it isn't necessarily a requirement. It's more about being given an order, seeing its value to my Sir, and preforming it with enthusiasm and diligence.

I'm sorry, I know this is somewhat of a rant and one of my more poorly organized posts, but it really is hard to explain. This is one of the areas I am still figuring out about myself. Coming off of a semester that was very light in terms of submission, I find the need to obey welling up inside me more and more each day. I need chores, tasks, orders, rules, discipline....all of it. This need is emotional, sexual, and intellectual; and the more I understand it...the more I can regularly incorporate it into my life.

Mpphhh!!! (Thats a lot of clothes pins Sir!)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Last week at the Eagle

Again, this is a recap post trying to keep you all up to date on whats been going on. So last week I went to the eagle with the same Sir as in my previous post. For a while now the idea of exhibitionism/public display have intrigued me greatly. Mixed with bondage, it also becomes objectification (which I have always found hot). The idea of being kept bound, gagged, and, possibly, stripped in public has always been a really hot idea to me. I don't mean public as in secretly, getting off on the thrill of almost being caught. Rather, in a public of consenting adults who would mostly be pleased by the sight.
I arrived at Sir's and he knelt me by his couch to have a brief chat about slavery/submission. It was really illuminating for me. As most newbies in the scene already know, idenities like boy, sub, pup, and slave are obviously self identified and therefore only have loose definitions. Still, talking to Larry really cleared up some of the intangibility of some of these identities and made things a lot more easy for me to grasp. After talking to him, I am more sure of my boy identity than I have ever been. Did you hear that world? At this time in my life, I am a boy! hahaha
So after the talk, Sir took me to the Eagle. For those of you unaware, there are Eagle bars all across the country that typically act as the main leather bar of the city. At the DC Eagle, Sir took me upstairs where it was a bit more dark and typically reserved for people actually in leather. Once we got up there Sir said hi to a few friends while I stood (always) a step behind him on his left. When spoken to, I was very polite, eager, and hopefully charming. If I wasn't spoken to, I was silent. This lasted for about ten mins or so until Sir decided it was time to put me in more suitable attire. He stripped me down to a white jock strap, my sneakers, and white crew socks. *Sidenote: for those of you who don't know, SNEAKERS ARE A HUGE FAUX PAS IN ACTUAL LEATHER JOINTS. I did not have boots at the time, but have since purchased an inexpensive pair!* After being stripped, I was mitted and then wrists cuffed behind my back. Lastly, I was gagged tightly with a black ballgag. For the next fifteen mins or so I just followed Sir around as he socialized. It really felt amazing. I loved every minute of it because it was a clear visual cue of my inner submissive nature. I was not only recognized as a sub, but was humbled by a Sir and given a clear purpose.
It was then that several young college guys I know from a rival school showed up to recruit people for an HIV study they were conducting. It was slightly awkward at first to be seen like this by people who not only didn't know me in this context, but were not a part of, and probably didn't understand the leather scene. Still, their company was well appreciated as I am a huge supporter of HIV/AIDS outreach initiatives, research, and education. I got back into regular garb to participate in the study and 30 mins later came back and got into my mitts and gag. We spent another 40 mins or so there just socializing, obviously with me being admired but recognized as a sub, and not addressed directly. All in all, it was a great night of exploration. Hope to do it again.

Alright, sorry for the delay

So its been about three months since I last posted, and quite a bit has happened.

I arrived back at school for my final year after one of the most difficult summers of my life. I lost the Sir I loved more than anything, and with it, lost the ability to express myself as a boy. I was never aware at how much of a sub I was until I met Him, and now that he is gone I really just don't know what to do. No more bed time, no more grade minimums, no more any of it... Still, I have to keep chugging along with life.

I had met a local DC Sir a year or so ago just to grab coffee and discuss Dom/sub, Master/slave relationships. Sir Larry and I clicked well from that first meeting, but it never turned into actual boy training until about 6 months ago. He would have me over for random chores (polishing His leathers) or play. Coming back off the summer, I def wanted to reconnect with him. So far we have met up twice. On the first occasion, Sir tied me face down spread eagle to his bed and gagged me with his dirty briefs. Since I have quite the hairy little butt, he thought it was best if he shaved it smooth and proceeded to do so over the next twenty minutes. While I was still tied, I could tell just from his touch that I was perfectly smooth. For him, this meant I was finally primed for a good spanking.
Now one of the reasons I had met up with Sir in the first place was to expand my pain limits. I have a very low tolerance for pain and as an experienced and weathered SM top, I knew I could trust him to help me open up. This was our first spanking session, and it ended up being a really hot scene. He started very lightly; giving me soft open palmed slaps on each cheek. He would gradually, but steadily increase the intensity and I was surprised at how hard I was. With the non-spanking hand he would stroke my raging hard on which pressed against the sheets in between my legs. My NY Daddy had only ever used spanking for real discipline, so I was surprised at how into it I was. He would occasionally ask if I wanted it harder. Without even thinking I would BEG him through my gag for harder smacks. After a point I could tell he was really using my ass hard and I was really turned on. I moaned into my gag with every smack and he kept jerking me off. Inevitably, I ended up shooting a huge load all over the bed mid spank.

More to come, and once I am done catching up I will be updating this much more regularly.