The Bondage Itch

What, you ask, is the bondage itch? Well, contrary to popular belief, the bondage itch is nothing at all like jock itch (though I suppose a jock could be involved in a variety of ways). No, the bondage itch is that overwhelming desire for restraint. It rears it's head for me every now and again. It's that low down feeling inside where all you can think about for days at a time is being bound and gagged. No matter how many times you jerk off. No matter how hard you try to think of something else. No matter what you do, all you can manage to focus on is bondage. While every now and again I get the itch to tie someone, most of the time it's me fantasizing about getting roped.

And lately, that is all I can think about. Over the past few days, I have wasted hours dreaming about getting trussed into a tight hogtie and looking at porn. This specific flare seems to be centered around my since-I-was-eleven-years-old kidnap fantasy. That or that sort of old-fashioned tie up game sort of bondage. No sex, no pain, just struggling and mppphhhing. You know?

So come on. Who out there wants to rope me up, stuff my mouth tightly, and leave me to struggle for a bit? No takers? Like any condition, it will go away on it's own eventually. But I may as well ride the wave while it's lasting. Eh?

Why I Will Never Drink Again: A Treatise by BLL

OMG you guys, I was so drunk last night. And this isn't like a story every freshman in college tells roughly four times a week: "Dude, I was so drunk last night you don't even know". I have always been a very responsible drinker. I didn't drink till I turned 21, and ever since then I have had the self-awareness to know I am an incredible lightweight. And while I am a very pleasant little drunk, I usually limit myself to about two drinks (maybe 3 beers).

Well at the Bondage Club last night, I sort of made a misstep. We keep drinks in the back for ourselves and friends/regulars since the club is BYOB. We usually drink said beverages from plastic red party cups. Usually I only have one at most because I really don't drink much. Last night I was feeling good so I had two. Two cups equals four drinks. Hadn't really thought that one through. I was about double my limit, and it was showing. According to everyone there, I was being considerably more pleasant than usual haha.

Suffice to say, I was a mess. I ended up blacking out and only vaguely remember a large portion of the evening. I ended up getting a ride home early. About 10 mins after I got home I B-lined it for the bathroom where I proceeded to vomit for a few minutes. I then spent the next several hours worshipping at the porcelain alter. I didn't vomit much after that initial 10 mins, but there was something profoundly comforting about the toilet when you're in that state. Every time I would stand up the nausea would return, so I stayed draped over it's contoured frame in a drunken stupor. I remember thinking to myself "I would sell my left testicle to be sober right now".

Eventually I got up and sent a quick email to someone. Three hours later I realized I was still on the couch with my laptop and I couldn't remember what I had done during that time lapse. So I carted myself to bed and finally woke up sober several hours later. I was a bit nauseous all day, but otherwise fine. Still, I make it my promise to ME that I will not be drinking that much for a LONG time.

PLUS: I was totally too drunk to get bound and gagged at the club which I was REALLY looking forward to!

Folsom Street (or That Place I Wish I was Going)

Dear God do I wish I was going to Folsom. I have never been, as my long-time readers will know. It sounds liberating though. At IML and MAL, things can be a little insular. Sure you are occasionally walking around outside in gear, recognizing others of the same interest and sharing a public identity. Still, for the most part we are all cooped up inside. Plus, excluding the few brave souls who wander down into the marketplace, it's a pretty homogeneous crowd. Sure, it's fun to sort of get away from the world for a while and share your company exclusively with other leathermen.

But doesn't it sound fun to be out in the sun? Just think of it. Sharing our interests, our relationships, and our lives together, out in the sun? Whether you're in jeans and a tee shirt or just a jock strap. Whether you're running around laughing or bound and gagged to a sign post. It isn't just being out in the light though. From what I hear, it's a mixed bag of men and women, straight and gay, kinky and not. I don't know, maybe I am just being 23 and green haha. Still, everything I have heard about Folsom has always really piqued my interest. I was invited to go out this summer, but the sad truth is I have school and work filling every day of my week, and I can't just take off either. One day...

One more thing to add. One of the MAIN reasons I so desperately wanted to go to Folsom this specific year has to do with the music line up. If you are going to Folsom, and enjoy amazing music: MAKE SURE TO KEEP AN EYE ON THE STAGE. There are a lot of great acts playing, but my favorite is Dragonnette. I LOVE this band, check them out below.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

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The Busy Life of Ben in Leather Land

Sorry about yet another late post. I think the idea of trying to post every Monday has been an incredibly useful and successful strategy. Setting goals is always helpful. Unfortunately, sometimes it isn't always feasible for me to post every Monday. Which brings me to the theme of this entry into what has quickly become the closest thing I have to a journal: my new schedule.

No one said being a full time student, living in Manhattan, paying rent out of pocket would be easy. Which is good, because if anyone ever told me that I would probably kick them square in the taco. Without going into too much detail, my parents are unable to help me at all with my school or living expenses. I am completely independant, which I think is pretty healthy for a twenty three year old. Still, I would be lying if I said this whole experience isn't already a big financial drain. Paying for rent, food, and the occasional bought of not-free fun while paying for tuition without much financial aid...well, I'm kind of struggling.

I'm no stranger to penny to penny living, or juggling a lot of responsibility. Hell, even at AU (where I was paying for everything with loans/aid), I never had less than three jobs. But right now I'm going into one of the most make-it-or-break-it stages of my life. I have class four days a week, and work at Nasty Pig the other three. I'm still at the Bondage Club every Sunday night, and I've started go-go'ing more than I had before (usually one or two gigs a week). Before everything had been scheduled, I was really hoping to keep one "day off" from everything per week. But given all the circumstances I've highlighted, it just wasn't in the cards. With everything combined, I am scraping by (BARELY). Plus, I still am trying to fit SOME shred of a social life in there somewhere.

Given all of this, I really am going to have to treat my Monday blog-deadline as a goal rather than a hard and fast deadline. I dance a lot on Sunday nights and work Monday at noon, so don't have the energy/time to do it in the morning. I go spend time with friends (and Phil) a lot after work. It just doesn't leave much time.

Despite all this, keeping this blog active means a lot to me, and I am going to do my damnest to fit it in to my otherwise insane schedule. Thanks for being patient.