Thoughts

Tonight, I had some brief conversations with two acquaintances of mine. One is a pup, just begginning his first real Dom/sub relationship. The other is his Sir. The pup's eagerness, and the Sir's firm enthusiasm for this eager young man were very touching. And in a sense, they inspired the tiniest pangs of jealousy in me.

As I soaked in the shower, casually washing off the days grime, I thought about them. And I thought about myself too. I remember what it was like, being with my first Sir. It was...well, it was incredible. The way I threw myself into it, the way I would spend every day waiting for 1:55 when Sir would call and tuck me in to bed (aka to make sure my ass was in bed and lights were out), the way I felt so much more disciplined in my own life whether it was school or work...all of it was just invigorating. While I had certainly loved my boyfriend when I was 16....in many ways.... David was my first love. Mostly, because he was my first Sir. As you know, I don't talk about it very much. Mostly because he is very private, and because sometimes its still hard.

Looking at the Sir and his new pup, it made me wish I still had that. And it made me think about what I do have. To put it simply, I have Greg. But what we have is so much more cautious. He'll give me sound Daddy advice...but whether I choose to accept it or not is up to me. I think that's best for now, and he and I have discussed this. The more I allow myself to be His...the more I'll...well...be His. And I'm not ready for that. Not emotionally, and not longitudinally. I'll be moving to NYC in January, and we will have all the time in the world. But until then I need to stay safe. Which, I'm learning... means the intensity just won't be there.

This got me thinking about what is there. And if you all don't mind, I would like to address this specifically to him.

Sir,

As You can see, I was ruminating on what isn't there between us. I'm sure You realize this too. But it did make me think about what there is between us. And I want You to tell You what I've found. Namely, its You.

We've explored the dynamic of a Dominant man and a submissive boy somewhat, and it has been wonderful. But what may just be better, is that all the time we haven't spent exploring that dynamic, I got to explore You. Not as a Sir...just as a man. And i have to say, You're an amazing man.

When I'm around You, time just flies. You make me laugh so much, and I feel like I can be goofy and myself when we're together. You're fiercely intelligent, with a keen wit that keeps me on my toes. And You're very playful...verbally, physically.... its why we have so much fun together. And possibly most important, You have shown me unparalleled generosity and kindness. You're sweeter than anyone I've ever been interested in, and You make me feel special...

So, I guess what I am trying to say is... I like You. I don't care if the Sir/boy dynamic is something we hold off on until we're both ready. I like having Greg in my life. I think about You a lot.

Finally, I wanted to close with one last thought I had in my shower. Is it ok if sometimes I call You "Greg" instead of "Sir"? Calling You "Sir" signifies how I admire You as a Dominant man. But there are a number of men I call "Sir". And sometimes...I want you to know that I care about You not just because You possess the traits of a Dominant man, but because You are one of the most amazing men I'v ever met. When I say goodnight, or tell You I missed you, or anything like that...sometimes I want You to know its just because You're...You.

I hope this is ok. Please let me know. I miss You.

ben

Blog Profile Part 2

So recently, DTNZ down at 2 Cents Worth Down Under recently posted the second part of the profile he did of me and my blog. It's a really diverse blog with a plenty of food for the mind and the cock hehe. Make sure to check it out!

http://2centsworthdownunder.blogspot.com/

How much do I suck?

Ok guys, sorry I always end up getting swamped and never have time to update, but I promise updates are on the way.

Having said, I wanted to say I really encourage you guys to give more feedback. I love hearing back from people, hearing how you feel about the blog, how you found it, what works/doesn't work, etc.... Please feel free to post more comments and email me personally at b.m.heisler@gmail.com

And to encourage more participation, I am going to be doing open thread discussion posts where people just share their thoughts on a topic.

My intial thought was "how much do I suck" for all of you who know to write about my head skills hahahaha, but then I figured most of my readers probably don't know (yet).

So today's open post is:

Rope or restraints? And why.

Weekend at Sir's

Hey all, spending the weekend with Greg so not much time to write. Will be updating you with this weekend's events as well as more info on the kidnapped pics. Until then, this place is in serious need of a boy's touch. I've got my cute boy undies on, windex in my left hand, and a roll of paper towels in my right (not to mention a small army of Swiffer products). Wish me luck ;-)

Help! I've been kidnapped! Part 1

MPPPPPPPHHHHHHHH!









Details to come;-)

Ack! Totally forgot!

A really awesome blogger (and former boy) from New Zealand just profiled me on his blog. We had spoken casually beforehand, and I was very flattered when he asked if I would be interested. He asked some interesting questions that made me do some reflection on my experiences with leather, boyhood, love, friendship, and sex. You can find the profile, and his highly amusing blog here:

http://2centsworthdownunder.blogspot.com/

(scroll down for my blurb)

Thanks again DTNZ

Mpphhh!!! (Thats a lot of clothes pins Sir!)

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Valentines Day 4

We woke up the next morning and got out of bed, ready to head to brunch with a group of his friends. I have to say, I had mixed feelings. It felt really cool to be introduced to his friends. It made me feel relevant, important, and less fling-y. However, I am remarkably shy in around groups of people I don’t know. I probably didn’t say more than 10 words all morning. The food was delicious, and his friends were really funny and nice, especially one of them. I had a great time, but was a bit self-conscious about how shy I was, and hopes I hadn’t disappointed my Sir.

After brunch, Greg and I actually split up for a bit, because I was desperate to visit my bestest of best friends in the whole world. We had grown up together but didn’t really get close until after graduation. Then when I lived in NYC last summer we became inseparable, and I often wonder if I would have had the strength to push through the summer if it hadn’t been for her.

I only spent a few hours with her, as I told Greg I would be home for dinner. I think we got sushi again, though to be honest I don’t remember. Dinner was somewhat dwarfed by the post-dinner activities. *UPDATE, yes we got sushi. It was pretty good, but the restaurant itself was more of a statement than the food. Any meal with Greg is a memory though.

Earlier in the week I had suggested the two of us go to the New York Bondage club. We had tossed some possibilities around: he ties me up and shares my mouth with some random men of his choosing, I tie up a boy and work him over for Sir’s entertainment, I tie up a boy and watch Sir work him over, etc… We were both excited

I had gone to the club every week over the summer, but Greg had only gone once before (years ago). It was fun introducing him to the space, seeing his reactions, etc… He was clearly very into it, and really got off on the voyeurism and the twists and turns of the darkened space.

We didn’t do anything for a while. We watched, and I introduced him to everyone I knew (as well as caught up with them). But eventually Greg decided it was time for me to get naked. So I went in the back, took off my clothes, and returned to him completely naked. He took this chance to tie up my cock and balls, creating a leash to keep me tethered to him.

We kept watching, and surveyed the crowd. We decided there were only one boy he would be interested in Domming or watching me Dom, and only one or two men he would want to share my mouth with. We decided on the latter.

Greg shackled me to the wall down a dark alley-like part of the club. I was on my knees, with my arms chained above me. He started to fuck my mouth. It was incredibly hot. I was very turned on by the brutal face fucking, but especially knowing everyone was watching him use me like a bitch.

He used me hard for a good ten minutes or so, taking brief breaks to play with my nipples, slap my cock, etc… Eventually he turned around to see the forming crowd and noticed one of the men we had noticed earlier. He wasn’t particularly hot. He was decent looking, with a decent frame. Pretty basic manly guy, which made it a bit hotter. Greg noticed he was stroking his cock, and signaled him over.

As soon as the guy stepped over, Greg guided his FAT and hard cock into my hungry slut mouth. I started sucking his dick hard, using my best techniques, staring up at the Sir who was sharing me with anyone he wanted. It was extremely erotic. Greg just kept goading him on too, telling him to fuck my mouth harder, to really give it to me, etc... It was so fucking hot. The two then switched on and off fucking my face. Sometimes one would fuck while the other slapped me with their cocks. Once they both tried shoving their meat down my slut mouth. It was one of the hottest things I have done in a while. After probably twenty minutes of getting used and roughed up, our thick stranger was ready to cum. Greg had made sure to tell him not in the mouth, so the guy pulled out and came all over my chest (Greg made sure to tell him not to cum in my mouth. Good Sir’s take care of their boys, and he most certainly takes care of me). I repeat: IT WAS HOT!

After this Greg fucked my mouth a bit more, but then untied me. We kept perusing the club and seeing what there was to see. I can’t really explain it, but I felt very close to him in this instant. I realized just how comfortable with Greg I am, and how much fun we have together (not just sexually). Every minute I spend with him is a true pleasure… and I just find myself quite taken with him.

After the club we were going to either go out or go home, and I suggested the latter. Maybe I am just a domestic old lesbian, but I always prefer the idea of sitting at home with him, talking or watching a movie. I get to enjoy him so much more. Given how brief our visits seemed, going out just seems like a waste almost.

We went home, relaxed, and just enjoyed each other’s company before falling asleep.
The next morning he had to get up for work and I needed to catch a fairly early bus. We woke up, fooled around a bit, and went to a local diner. If the weekend had not been as amazing as it had been, this would have been one of the highlights. I LOVE cheap diners and this one pushed all my cheap diner buttons. I LOVED IT.

Afterwards we said our good byes. We didn’t talk about when I would be back next, which was kind of nice. I think it’s a sign that we aren’t getting too invested into something that just can’t work right now. Still, I really love spending time with Greg. I always catch myself smiling whenever I think about him. The other day I even googled him haha. I think about him, and I miss him. But that’s all for now. And you know what? That’s just fine by me.

Valentines Day 3

After the play, Greg and I went shopping for dinner. We had already agreed to avoid the restaurant scene for the night and just have a romantic dinner at his place. So while we were out we picked up some raw oysters, shrimp, artichoke hearts, angel hair pasta, sauce (DELICIOUS), crackers, and four different types of cheeses (from this incredible fromagerie). We also grabbed two pieces of delicious chocolate pie from a milk bar near his apartment.

I remember thinking it may not be enough, and even voiced my concerns. BOY WAS I WRONG!
We got home and put the groceries away before hitting the sheets. Or more accurately, him hitting my bum hehe. Sex with Greg usually is not too kinky, but fiercely passionate and erotic. He did, however, make the mistake of deciding that we would not be cumming. Fair warning to Doms: be careful of how much you tease a boy;-). You’ll find out why later.

We then put on some sweat pants and comfy clothes, and started our three-hour meal. First Greg prepared the Oysters and we put on a movie (he insisted I see 6 Degrees of Separation). We ate the oysters raw with champagne, and they were rather enjoyable. The champagne complimented them perfectly, and as always, I was enjoying being introduced to something new by a Sir I was so fond of.

We relaxed and watched the movie a bit before I brought out the cheese and crackers. We had two sheep cheeses, one goat, and one cow. The only name I can remember is pecorino de foglio or something of that nature. This was also the best of the four. We switched to white wine to better compliment the cheese, and snacked on the second course for probably another twenty mins or so.

We decided to take a break from the cheese for the pasta. Greg cooked and seasoned the shrimp and mixed them in with the pasta sauce and artichoke hearts. We ate out of a huge bowl that we shared for another twenty mins. What was so amazing about the entire meal was the speed at which we ate. We ate slowly, savoring every mouthful and enjoying the contrast the wine created.

Eventually we brought the cheese back out and would switch back and forth between bites of cheese and pasta. We feasted this way for another thirty, slowing down because we were both getting stuffed.

This is when we brought out the pies. Both were incredible, and we enjoyed feeding each other bites. For the chocolate, we had some desert wine (which Greg knows I am quite partial too, in addition to how well it complimented the food).

The movie ended, and I was stuffed. I mean, really. We had been eating the most indulgent meal I had ever had for several hours. This is where Greg got payback for teasing me earlier. I was so stuffed that I literally had absolutely nothing to offer any sort of sexual exchange. I was in the food coma to end all food comas.

I told him straight up the only thing I was capable of was melting into his couch. And that, gentlemen, is exactly what I did. Greg was a little pouty, and I did feel bad about my inability to give him what he wanted. But it was his fault for feeding me! Haha

Sure enough I ended up falling asleep on his sofa while he smoked and listened to music. Unfortunately, this was just a nap. Because when he started playing some jarring show tunes I was woken up (rather rudely haha), and then was wide-awake. Sure enough, this is when Greg wanted to go to bed.

So we cuddled a bit before he drifted off. Once he started snoring, I got up, curled up on the couch, and watched some Naruto till I got tired. I crawled back into bed, kissed the man I have become so enamored with, whispered a quiet thank you for everything he had done for me, and shortly fell asleep.

It was a really amazing Valentines Day, but I think we both learned a valuable lesson about how much to feed me if we want to fool around later.