Kidnapped!

Oof! I just realized its been half a month since I've posted. Granted, I have been dealing with finals for the past two weeks so I am not going to apologize. Still, I do wish I had gotten around to posting at least once in the past two weeks. Things have been pretty insane here though, and to top it off: I have the bondage itch again!

That's right. It seems like every other thought I have these days involves ropes, gags, hogties, chair ties, you name it! And it's come to my attention that there is one fantasy in particular that I have never really played out: kidnapping. We throw that word around a lot in the bondage-game world. Still, what exactly would a realistic kidnapping entail?

I know a lot of my kidnap fantasies focus on the idea of being tied up by surprise and force. The rest is basically up for negotiation. It would be hot to be forced into a van and taken to an undisclosed location, but not necessary, and a lot of times I fantasize about being left to struggle in isolation for an hour or so. Still, the biggest aspect for me is being forced into that predicament.

Obviously from the very start you have planned it out, so it is hard to have that "surprise" component, but not impossible. I have thought about maybe giving someone I trust a key to my place and giving them a set of days they could come in while I was asleep and jump me. Just thoughts. In fact, most of this is just fantasies and ideas. I've never successfully done anything like this.

Which is why I wanted to ask my readers. What do you think makes a good kidnapping scene? For those of you with experience, any advice? For those of you without experience, how would you kidnap me or want to be kidnapped?

Practice by Sente

Ben's recent instructional bondage video inspired me to set up a hands on lesson with him, and I wanted to share some of the pointers I picked up.

We began with the nuts and bolts, and practiced the technique Ben had shown us in the video.  I already had the basics of the two column tie down, but I had not seen the trick of passing the loose ends of the rope through the bight to tighten the cinching.  It works like a charm.  After crossing the two wrapping strands and passing the loose ends through the bight, a good solid tug tightens the rope up nicely and puts just the right amount of pressure on everything.  So I've become a big fan of the technique.   The other technical detail I picked up was to understand better just how big a difference an additional properly layered wrapping turn or two can make while applying the two column tie.  When I tried it with only two layers (4 strands), the rope bunched up during the cinching and was clearly both pinching and pressing unevenly.  Even with just an additional wrap to bring it to three layers, I could see that the rope remained much more even and much flatter against the wrists when I cinched it up.    More comfortable, as well as much more visually appealing.

On the bigger picture, Ben helped draw out the point of creativity in combining basic techniques to come up with effective and interesting bondage ideas.  For example, one question I had posed for him was how to tie someone's hands behind their neck with minimal leeway.  I had made attempts before, but always wound up with the bottom having too much wiggle room.  His first suggestion was to use a two column tie to bind the bottom's upper and lower arms together, preventing him from unbending his elbow.  (Actually, he got me to make this suggestion - a sign of good teaching.)   When I tried this on him I accidentally used a longer rope on one arm than the other, and wound up with a good length left over.  I was about to untie it and switch to a shorter rope when Ben encouraged me to use the extra to enhance the bondage, which I did by running the ends around the rope on his other arm, thus forcing him to keep his elbows raised and close together.  I also bound his wrists together with a simple two column tie at that point.

This still allowed him too much motion in his arms for my taste, so I proposed tying a chest harness and attaching the whole arrangement to that.  Ben, however, had a better idea.  Simple and elegant, yet fiendishly effective - why not tie it off to his balls, rather than to a harness?  Doing so prevented any significant movement on his part and discouraged him from even struggling much at all.  Moreover, this allowed me to set up a bit of predicament bondage, which I had told Ben I wanted to explore more.  The idea of predicament bondage is to put the sub in a position where he has to choose between two or more unpleasant predicaments. Here, by making the rope between his wrist and balls nice and tight, I was able to force him to choose between arching his back and pulling hard on his balls.   Once I had it all in place I amused myself by letting him spend a while shifting back and forth between those options futilely trying to get comfortable.   Very fun to watch.

The usefulness of a rope to the balls came up again later when I was looking for a way to tie Ben in a kneeling position from which he couldn't rise.  I first thought of tying his thighs to his lower legs with a two column tie, but that would have been awkward to apply.  An easier solution, Ben pointed out, was to tie his ankles together and then run a very short rope from them to his balls.  Once I had done that and tied his wrists and upper arms together, he was quite helplessly bound kneeling submissively.  At times he needed to relieve the pressure of his weight resting on his calves, and all he could do was lean forward, tugging on his balls, and entering into an even more humbling pose.

One last tidbit I picked up wasn't exactly about bondage per say.  Ben had made a special request to be gagged with socks I had worn while teaching, as part of a long standing professor fantasy of his.  I was sufficiently pleased by the help he had given me, so near the end of our session, while he was bound on his knees, I finally stuffed the sock in his mouth.  The trouble was I stuffed it toe first and then worked to get as much of it in as I could.  It was a thick sock, and I wound up stopping with just more than half of it in his mouth.   Ben later explained that it's more effective to ball the sock up ahead of time and then stuff the whole thing in at once.  The way I had done it the toe starts to drift towards the throat too quickly and it's hard to get enough of the sock in to fill the whole mouth.  I tried again and in went the whole thing on one go, leaving Ben effectively and happily gagged.

I'm looking forward to seeing what's in store for us to build off of in Ben's next video.

-Sente

Scout's Honor

The other day a friend shot me an email to ask if I was the model in this pic he found online. Sure enough, I was. This shot was taken two years ago by photographer Joe Oppedisano. I met him while I was barbacking at the Eagle in NYC. I had just turned 21, and was on my own in the big city. He came up to me and told me he was looking for a VERY young looking guy and sure enough, he found me!

Thankfully, Ben

As Thanksgiving approaches, I'm feeling an awful lot like I was last year: sick and contemplative. It's true. I came down with a cold last year a few days before Thanksgiving and I'm having deja vu this year. I managed to take the day off Friday to rest, but have been working 12 hour days since then. Needless to say, I'm not exactly 100% better. Hopefully getting a cold will not be my next great Thanksgiving tradition.

However, despite my recent (and ongoing) battle against the common cold, I have been taking the time to do some thinking lately (or at least when I have time to). It may sound silly, but I really do think Thanksgiving is a great occasion to stop and appreciate life's bounty. Times are tough right now. My closest friends all know I'm pretty poor right now. Ok: really poor. Fine: destitute! hehe. I work my ass off between school and work (plural), and I am barely managing to eek out an existence.

Still, no matter how tough it can get, I consider myself very fortunate. I had a great upbringing that was filled with love and laughter, and I'm still very close with my family. I have a small group of friends who I really love, and who I have shared so much with. Between them, I know I have been surrounded by some amazing people, whose compassion and generosity never cease to amaze me.

I have also had an incredibly fortunate life. I received a first-rate education at an incredible university. I've backpacked through Europe with my best friend in the world. And now I'm reaching my goals. Two years ago I told myself I wanted to move to NYC and study fashion once I graduated from AU. And I did just that.

And hey, I'm seeing someone new. I like him a lot. While we have only been seeing each other a few months, he has already proven himself to be kind, witty, generous, sweet, adventurous, sexy, and very handsome. While it isn't official or anything yet, I find myself missing him when we're apart more and more. And I'm also grateful for the new kink interest he's helping me explore! Shh!

No matter how rough things may get, I know that I have so many things to be grateful for.

Thankfully,

Ben

Bondage How To: Two Column

We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties

So I have tried to upload the tutorial three times over the past few days. Each time, after an hour or two of "Uploading", I get the message "There was an error in uploading your video, please try again". I am not really sure what to do at this point. Any suggestions?

Punishment

If you're looking for the first installment of Ben's instructional series on bondage techniques, I'm afraid you are going to have to wait until the weekend.  Why, you ask?   He hasn't yet taken the photos or video he needs to illustrate the step-by-instructions he is going to provide.  You may recall that in his latest blog post, Ben announced that the first tutorial would be up on Wednesday.  But he has, in his own words, "wasted a lot of time dicking around" lately when he should have been working on the blog.  To his credit, he recognized that his failure to maintain a suitable level of self discipline deserved to be punished.  Ben and I have been chatting about such issues since this summer, when I posted some suggestions here to help him maintain a regular blogging schedule.  We have worked out a system whereby I punish him if he misses deadlines on the blog, or if he more generally feels that he has not been properly focusing on his responsibilities.   So instead of a bondage tutorial, today we'll have a description of the punishment I provided for him on Monday morning.

I had Ben gather  one of his roommate's damp used gym socks, a tube sock of his own, some rope, and a small pile of clothespins, and then initiate a video chat with me.  Our past chats have taken place with Ben in his bedroom, but this time he requested permission to stay in his living room, which he reported was colder and so more uncomfortable for him than his own room.  As the chat connected, I saw that he was kneeling submissively wearing sweatpants but no shirt.  I had him stand and strip off the pants and his briefs, and then use the rope to tie his cock and balls tightly.  I then instructed him to gag himself with his roommate's sock, and tie it in place with the other sock.  Then, on my orders, he placed three clothespins on each of his nipples, and two more along each side of his stomach.  He only had one clothespin left, and so I had him place it on the underside of his cock.  This elicited his first real reaction of the session, as he flinched and groaned with the pain of the clip biting into his bound dick.

I then had him place his hands behind his head and spread his legs widely.  The stance he first entered wasn't wide enough, so I had him spread his legs out another step.  He knew from our earlier correspondence arranging this session that his punishment would keep him like that for 20 minutes.  It took fewer than 5 of those minutes before I could see him begin to shift his weight around to relieve some of the stress on his legs, but he knew better than to actually move his feet.  He also seemed to be shivering at times, perhaps from the combination of the chill setting into him and the throbbing pain of the clothespins.  Once I felt his discomfort had become sufficiently pronounced, I reminded him of why he was being punished, and he moaned in shame and pain.  

I watched as he stood stoically trying to hold the position, despite swaying and shifting as his legs continued to fatigue.  And throughout his cock twitched periodically despite, or more likely because of, his suffering.  As the end of his punishment time approached, I had him lower his hands and begin removing the clothespins.  He gasped and groaned into his gag as the blood rushed back into the spot on his dick that had been clamped.  The clothespins on his sides brought a similar but less pronounced response, as did the ones on his nipples.  Finally, I ordered him to pinch and twist his now very sensitive nipples.  He hesitated a moment, but I urged him on and he did as told.  The pain caused him to yell through the gag and to curl his body inwards as though to protect his chest.  But he continued twisting until I told him he could stop.  I let him stand a few moments with his hands behind his back as he calmed down and relaxed from his protective posture.  Finally I had him untie his cock and balls, kneel back down before the camera, and lastly remove his gag.  

When I asked him how he felt, he took a moment to gather his thoughts and control his breathing, and replied "Disciplined."

I believe that he was, and I'm hoping that we see a steady flow of his tutorial posts from here out, so we can avoid having to repeat the exercise.

-Sente

Bondage How To

I am FREQUENTLY asked to teach others how to tie people up. Having done so in the past, I feel comfortable saying that the most important factor in learning how to tie is a focused desire. A lot of guys want someone to teach them because they want the whole process to be handed to them in a neat little package. They think it takes one lesson and then you're set. WRONG.

Lessons are the least important part of the process. What matters is WANTING IT. To be really good with rope, you need to WANT to be good with rope. The rest will fall into place.  Here are two real examples to illustrate this. About a year or so ago, I taught two friends (separately) how to do some basic knots and ties. My friend who was never really into bondage but just wanted to learn doesn't remember a thing I taught him in that lesson. He never practiced and didn't care enough to remember. My other friend was always curious about rope bondage, but had never really explored it as much as he wanted to. Within a year, he has already surpassed me. Out of one simple lesson, he has let his imagination run wild; experimenting with and practicing all sorts of techniques.

My friends received the exact same lesson from me, but only one of them really wanted the knowledge in the first place. That's why I can not stress enough how vital it is to the learning process that you actually care about the end-result. It's very similar to a sport or an instrument, in that regard. The only way you will be good is through hard work and practice.

Having said, I am going to start posting a few tutorials on how to preform some simple ties. While a few are already set in stone, I'm very open to hearing from you guys about what you'd like to learn. So leave a comment with what you'd like to learn. And hey, if there are enough guys in NYC looking to learn, maybe we could set up a small group.

Look for my first tutorial Weds. 

When Someone Gets Hurt

A young man into heavy chemical and breath play recently passed away while reading. This response is from Rubber Asylum (via Rubber Canuck), and you can read it here.

For your convenience, I have put the whole post here. I highly recommend you read it.

From my friend RubberAsylum today:

...on Tuesday morning we lost another member of our community and group.

Mike, from Idaho, or "Spuds" as the group labeled him at the party was found after a play accident that at this point appears to be Ethyl Chloride related.

I do not have much other information at this point, but shall share anything else when I find out more.
...

To which Male Bndg gave a heartfelt response:

This is really awful news. He was the nicest guy, only 23 years old, and only recently really finding his "legs" in the scene. He was also quite smart and level headed about play.

I think it's important to spread the word that even some very smart, sane, guys who thought they knew better are no longer with us today. Obviously I don't know the exact circumstances in Mike's case, but he wasn't the sort of guy to take stupid risks.

If you count up the number of really kinky guys you know, and you divide by the number who have died in scenes, the odds are not in our favor. They're not 1 in 10,000 like you might expect, or in my case, even 1 in 50.

The circumstances among them vary widely, but these EIGHT guys died in one sort of play or another just in the last few years. And these are just the ones I know about. I'm sure there are many more:

Mike (SpudsBndg)
James (Bodisama)
David (TieGuy) in the UK
Alejandro Bulaevsky (BikeRubber) found dead in full rubber in his NYC apartment
Bill (Bostoncuir)
David (Gummidawg)
Rubberpanther (a really fun amazing 20something in CA)
Adrian Exley (young guy from UK died at the hand of Gary Leblanc in a BC scene)

And there were a few more prior to the above including a guy who died in the Midwest at the hands of a breathplay top who's still in jail as far as I know. The trend is very much in the wrong direction with more each year.

I would encourage any and all of you to think twice about posting video, pics, stories, etc. that eroticize breathplay, forced substances, etc. without some really obvious warnings and disclaimers. I think sites like XTube have made what used to be extreme play much more widely practiced--often by guys who haven't a clue what the real risks are or how to be reasonably safe.

Sadly, it's all too easy for someone who doesn't know any better to see a hot video with breathplay, ethyl, etc. and while stroking their cock and decide to try it.

I know guys who have the attitude it's a "Darwin" thing and when your time is up, it's up. But I don't buy that. Mike is a very sad example of someone who was smart, not an edge player, and certainly didn't have any Instigator-like death wishes.

Please be safe everyone, spread the word, and think about how your own actions might encourage dangerous--or even fatal--play in others.

So sad that the community has lost another very young new member. Male Bndg is right, it seems to be happening with increasing frequency and especially in 2010 - I can't remember a year when we've lost so many. His points should be well heeded: it is inherently dangerous to engage in breathplay, particularly with gases. This is probably the most extreme of extreme fetish play and really needs to be considered as such for its great risk. It must be the responsibility of all breath players to not only warn and post disclaimers, but also educate.

I admit enjoying breathplay in certain situations and I am definitely not extreme in it. I wouldn't consider myself experienced any more than using condoms and gloves for mild suffocation or shutting off air supply to gas masks for only seconds at a time. But even trying to justify it as being at the light end of the spectrum isn't an excuse to absolve my responsibility to do it safely and only engage in it with others that are experienced in it, and also disclaim that it is something that should be done by experienced players only.

You can see in Male Bndg's list the number of men that have succumbed to asphyxiation for whatever reason. I can say that probably in 80-90% of those cases the man who died was playing alone. Even those of us with best intentions, playing with others, monitoring, and Plan B and Plan C backup can find things going wrong very quickly, so it only strengthens the need to have someone looking after you when engaging in breathplay or bondage and particular in rubber since there's no way to breathe through that miraculous material. It's a very risky engagement and only experienced players should be doing any extreme breathplay scenes.

Rest in peace, Mike.

Nasty Pig's Shred of Hope Campaign

From our website:

Nasty Pig presents Shred of Hope...20 limited edition, hand made, numbered purple Shredders. 

ALL MONEY from the sale of each shirt, not just the profits or the proceeds, will be donated to the Trevor Project on behalf of Nasty Pig Customers. 

Although there is a lot of attention being paid to the bullying of gay kids right now, this issue will only stay in the headlines for so long.  When the next big story breaks the media coverage will fade, but these kids will still be there needing help.  These super hot shirts will draw you tons of attention, so when people ask "where did you get that Purple Nasty Pig Shredder...I've never seen one before!" you will have the opportunity to keep drawing attention to this important cause.

And purple looks SICK with everything from blue jeans to black leather. 

Scratching the Itch

MPPHHHHHH! A friend from DC was in town this weekend and did his best to help me scratch my bondage itch. Loyal readers will know I've recently been into spandex and tights. So I guess he helped me scratch two itches.

The Bondage Itch

What, you ask, is the bondage itch? Well, contrary to popular belief, the bondage itch is nothing at all like jock itch (though I suppose a jock could be involved in a variety of ways). No, the bondage itch is that overwhelming desire for restraint. It rears it's head for me every now and again. It's that low down feeling inside where all you can think about for days at a time is being bound and gagged. No matter how many times you jerk off. No matter how hard you try to think of something else. No matter what you do, all you can manage to focus on is bondage. While every now and again I get the itch to tie someone, most of the time it's me fantasizing about getting roped.

And lately, that is all I can think about. Over the past few days, I have wasted hours dreaming about getting trussed into a tight hogtie and looking at porn. This specific flare seems to be centered around my since-I-was-eleven-years-old kidnap fantasy. That or that sort of old-fashioned tie up game sort of bondage. No sex, no pain, just struggling and mppphhhing. You know?

So come on. Who out there wants to rope me up, stuff my mouth tightly, and leave me to struggle for a bit? No takers? Like any condition, it will go away on it's own eventually. But I may as well ride the wave while it's lasting. Eh?

Why I Will Never Drink Again: A Treatise by BLL

OMG you guys, I was so drunk last night. And this isn't like a story every freshman in college tells roughly four times a week: "Dude, I was so drunk last night you don't even know". I have always been a very responsible drinker. I didn't drink till I turned 21, and ever since then I have had the self-awareness to know I am an incredible lightweight. And while I am a very pleasant little drunk, I usually limit myself to about two drinks (maybe 3 beers).

Well at the Bondage Club last night, I sort of made a misstep. We keep drinks in the back for ourselves and friends/regulars since the club is BYOB. We usually drink said beverages from plastic red party cups. Usually I only have one at most because I really don't drink much. Last night I was feeling good so I had two. Two cups equals four drinks. Hadn't really thought that one through. I was about double my limit, and it was showing. According to everyone there, I was being considerably more pleasant than usual haha.

Suffice to say, I was a mess. I ended up blacking out and only vaguely remember a large portion of the evening. I ended up getting a ride home early. About 10 mins after I got home I B-lined it for the bathroom where I proceeded to vomit for a few minutes. I then spent the next several hours worshipping at the porcelain alter. I didn't vomit much after that initial 10 mins, but there was something profoundly comforting about the toilet when you're in that state. Every time I would stand up the nausea would return, so I stayed draped over it's contoured frame in a drunken stupor. I remember thinking to myself "I would sell my left testicle to be sober right now".

Eventually I got up and sent a quick email to someone. Three hours later I realized I was still on the couch with my laptop and I couldn't remember what I had done during that time lapse. So I carted myself to bed and finally woke up sober several hours later. I was a bit nauseous all day, but otherwise fine. Still, I make it my promise to ME that I will not be drinking that much for a LONG time.

PLUS: I was totally too drunk to get bound and gagged at the club which I was REALLY looking forward to!

Folsom Street (or That Place I Wish I was Going)

Dear God do I wish I was going to Folsom. I have never been, as my long-time readers will know. It sounds liberating though. At IML and MAL, things can be a little insular. Sure you are occasionally walking around outside in gear, recognizing others of the same interest and sharing a public identity. Still, for the most part we are all cooped up inside. Plus, excluding the few brave souls who wander down into the marketplace, it's a pretty homogeneous crowd. Sure, it's fun to sort of get away from the world for a while and share your company exclusively with other leathermen.

But doesn't it sound fun to be out in the sun? Just think of it. Sharing our interests, our relationships, and our lives together, out in the sun? Whether you're in jeans and a tee shirt or just a jock strap. Whether you're running around laughing or bound and gagged to a sign post. It isn't just being out in the light though. From what I hear, it's a mixed bag of men and women, straight and gay, kinky and not. I don't know, maybe I am just being 23 and green haha. Still, everything I have heard about Folsom has always really piqued my interest. I was invited to go out this summer, but the sad truth is I have school and work filling every day of my week, and I can't just take off either. One day...

One more thing to add. One of the MAIN reasons I so desperately wanted to go to Folsom this specific year has to do with the music line up. If you are going to Folsom, and enjoy amazing music: MAKE SURE TO KEEP AN EYE ON THE STAGE. There are a lot of great acts playing, but my favorite is Dragonnette. I LOVE this band, check them out below.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

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The Busy Life of Ben in Leather Land

Sorry about yet another late post. I think the idea of trying to post every Monday has been an incredibly useful and successful strategy. Setting goals is always helpful. Unfortunately, sometimes it isn't always feasible for me to post every Monday. Which brings me to the theme of this entry into what has quickly become the closest thing I have to a journal: my new schedule.

No one said being a full time student, living in Manhattan, paying rent out of pocket would be easy. Which is good, because if anyone ever told me that I would probably kick them square in the taco. Without going into too much detail, my parents are unable to help me at all with my school or living expenses. I am completely independant, which I think is pretty healthy for a twenty three year old. Still, I would be lying if I said this whole experience isn't already a big financial drain. Paying for rent, food, and the occasional bought of not-free fun while paying for tuition without much financial aid...well, I'm kind of struggling.

I'm no stranger to penny to penny living, or juggling a lot of responsibility. Hell, even at AU (where I was paying for everything with loans/aid), I never had less than three jobs. But right now I'm going into one of the most make-it-or-break-it stages of my life. I have class four days a week, and work at Nasty Pig the other three. I'm still at the Bondage Club every Sunday night, and I've started go-go'ing more than I had before (usually one or two gigs a week). Before everything had been scheduled, I was really hoping to keep one "day off" from everything per week. But given all the circumstances I've highlighted, it just wasn't in the cards. With everything combined, I am scraping by (BARELY). Plus, I still am trying to fit SOME shred of a social life in there somewhere.

Given all of this, I really am going to have to treat my Monday blog-deadline as a goal rather than a hard and fast deadline. I dance a lot on Sunday nights and work Monday at noon, so don't have the energy/time to do it in the morning. I go spend time with friends (and Phil) a lot after work. It just doesn't leave much time.

Despite all this, keeping this blog active means a lot to me, and I am going to do my damnest to fit it in to my otherwise insane schedule. Thanks for being patient.

School

Raise your hand if you start fashion school tomorrow.

*Raises hand*

Despite being obviously excited, I'm actually pretty nervous. Everything I have ever studied has been deeply rooted in intellectualism and academia. Fashion is about raw talent and technical skill (things I am not HALF as confident in as my intellectual prowess), and I just don't know if I have that sort of talent. It's not that I doubt I do. I just literally have no way to gauge my own ability or strength. I guess I'll find out. Here goes!

Fire Island

Hey guys, just got back from Fire Island, and I had an incredible time. Won't have time to post today or tomorrow, but will be posting pics soon.

UPDATE:

Relationships

It may interest you to know that I have gone on a few dates recently with a very sexy Daddy in NYC. And I have to admit, it's going pretty well so far. We've only gone on a few dates, but they have been pretty spectacular. We even spent the day together at Coney Island, and it was probably the best day of my entire summer. We have pretty spectacular chemistry, and I'm even missing him a little now that we haven't spoken in a few days. Cue "awwww"s.

Spending time with him and developing MODEST, completely EMBRYONIC feelings for him has made me start thinking a bit, and I have actually come to quite the realization. Out of the five guys whom I have had feelings for over the past six years, not one of them could have developed into a relationship. When I was 19, I fell for a guy with a bf. When I was 20, I fell for David who was in NYC while I was in DC. When I was 21, I had feelings for Greg, who lived in NYC while I was in DC. And sure enough, when I was 22, I was casually dating, and quite taken with a DC Cop who I never mentioned on this blog. Of course, we started seeing each other five months before I left for NYC. No matter the guy, there was always some external force that made a relationship unlikely/undesirable/impossible.

While I am not even remotely saying Phil and I are going to become boyfriends or that I would even want that... but it is the first time I have ever even been interested in where it COULD happen. There's no obvious reason we couldn't...which is frankly a bit strange to me, and yeah...a little intimidating. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be David's boy, and there were even times when I considered being the Cop's boyfriend. I really WANTED to make it work. Still, there was a bit of a safety net in each one.

With Phil, or any guy that I meet now that I'm living in NYC full time, is a relationship the final destination of dating? I mean if I start to have feelings for a guy and visa versa... is a relationship inevitable? And if not, what else is there? Fuck buddies who have serious romantic feelings for one another? I REPEAT: I AM NOT SAYING I WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH PHIL. It's just that there is no real reason things couldn't develop if they do so naturally.

Kind of weird, huh?

I guess we'll see what happens.

Resources

Recently, one of my readers got in touch with me about some issues he has been dealing with, some of them stemming from his interest in leather and BDSM. It helped remind me why I started this blog in the first place. Among other reasons, I wanted my experiences and thoughts to be a resource for others; for those young and old newcomers to this community.

No matter what you get from this blog though, I wanted to share a few of the resources I have used to help better educate myself on issues that matter to me. Most of these are available on amazon or ebay.

Guy Baldwin: The Ties that Bind
Larry Townsend: The Leatherman's Handbook
Mark Thompson: Leatherfolk

If you know of another resource that you've found to be useful or educational, please leave it in the comments section.

Slow July

Well it is officially August. Which means I haven't posted in almost a month. Have I been a lazy slacker? Yeah, sort of. But to be honest, there really hasn't been that much to blog about. There have been a few developments here or there that may one day become blog worthy, but for now things have been pretty slow.

Granted, I have also been a bit of a slacker. And anyone with a creative solution on how I can be more disciplined in updating regularly, I'll be glad to hear it. Until then, here is a brief story of when I tied an old friend of mine about two weeks ago.

0.5in;">On the bus back to NYC, I got a text from my friend Andrew. He said he was in the city and wanted to know if I could meet up. Andrew was one of my first bondage friends. We met online (on planetout.com hahahah) when I was sixteen. He was from PA but stayed in OC during the summer and was really curious about bondage. When we were young we would play all night tie up games, and he quickly discovered he was a big cbt pig. He is cute, but isn’t really what you would call hot. He’s very Italian (read: hairy), and def has a few extra pounds (but not in a sexy way). We hadn’t really spoken much since college, mostly because he had sort of fallen for me in our youth. So I was a bit surprised to receive his text.

I told him I wouldn’t be getting in till late, but if he was up for it I could do a quick once over on him. I quickly ascertained from his texts that he was a bit drunk, but I didn’t really care. I got home around 2 am and told him to get over. I buzzed him up and left a note on my door saying “Strip. Gag yourself. Blindfold yourself. Knock”. I watched him perform these tasks through the keyhole. I was especially turned on when he stuffed my new huge ball gag in his mouth. I had already stripped down the just a pair of socks.

I opened the door and he entered. I grabbed his clothes and tossed them into my room. I led him into my room and shut the door. Once inside I went to work tying his wrists. Then I quickly tied him into a chest harness. Knowing what a cbt pig he is, I tied his cock and balls especially tight, wrapping until his balls were pressed tightly against his cock head. I lead him over to a chair and sat him down. I tied his ankles on either side of the chair, up to his back harness, then back down; suspending them.

I could tell he was already having trouble with the huge ball gag, so I took it out. I grabbed one of my dress socks I’d worn (and sweated up) to my cousin’s wedding that day, and stuffed it in his mouth. I grabbed a pair of my nylon tights and put the crotch over his head, twisted the legs, and used them to create a hood with the legs covering his mouth.

For the next twenty mins, I went to work on his nuts. I started by tying my sneakers too them and letting them hang from his nuts. While they hung, I was torturous. I flicked his nuts with my fingers. Slapped them in my hand. Smacked them with a ruler. Punched. Kinked. Squeezed. I brought him close to crying a few times, but always stopped just short.

After about twenty mins, I wanted to see if I could make him cum. He has this really weird thing where he can only come a very specific way, i.e. by rubbing cloth/blanket on his dick head and no where else. I gave it my all with a hand towel, but quickly got bored with the endeavor and gave up.

Realizing I wouldn’t be getting him to cum, and not seeing any particularly hot way I could use him to cum in his position (and also seeing the clock) I decided to call it a night. I untied him from the chair and undid everything but the hood. I led him to the door. Undid the hood, took the sock out of his mouth, opened the door, and shoved him out. I tossed his shit out the door, closed it, and locked it. He never saw me, and was clearly confused. Disoriented, he took off his blindfold, dressed, and left.

I went back inside. Gagged myself with the other dress sock from the wedding, and jerked off.

The 4th of July Curse

For the past several years, the 4th of July has been a cursed date in my year. Every year, it seems that no matter what I do... everything that could go wrong for me on July 4th... does. And as of yesterday until about 8:50 pm, it looked like this would once again be the case. Without going into every detail, let me just say that it seemed like the universe was committed to ruining my plans to enjoy the day in quiet seclusion.

It was on a friend's suggestion (and with the promise of free bbq), that I put on a pair of jean shorts and headed over to the Eagle around 8:30. I live pretty close by, the bar offered a decent view of the fireworks, and I figured I would rather be all alone surrounded by a bunch of people than in my apartment by myself.

Going along with the "everything goes wrong on the 4th of July" trend, there was no free bbq. :-(. Given this, I decided to just head home and see what I could of the fireworks from my fire escape (through a line of trees (see above "everything goes wrong on the 4th of July)). I was literally on my way out when Mike Dreyden waved me down to say hi.

I had seen him around at IML and Nasty Pig a few times before, but we had never really said hi or anything. I was grateful for someone to talk to, especially someone as sexy as Mike. Plus, he introduced me to his friends Tim Kelly and Nick Moretti, who were both incredibly nice (and sexy). We hung out for about twenty minutes, and I was thinking it was about time to excuse myself. I had a great time hanging with them, but didn't want to intrude. Sure enough, that's when Mike told me they were leaving to go watch the fireworks from Tim's roof (they were staying at a friend's). And then, wouldn't you know...he invited me to tag along. I was flattered, excited, and optimistic that my night may not be so bad after all.

We all headed to Tim's, and the rest of the night was actually really amazing. We all hung out with their friend Alessio Romero. We watched the fireworks, then ordered some pizza, drank a few beers, and watched HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE!!! THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW ME AT ALL KNOW THAT I AM A RAGING NERD! The next few hours were filled with unbridled geekery in the company of incredibly sexy men. It was everything I could have ever hoped for.

After our festivities ended, Mike walked me home and it was really relaxing. I thanked him profusely for inviting me out. I would have never guessed in a million years I would have spent this year's 4th of July hanging out with a bunch of porn stars talking about Harry Potter. But hey, sometimes life throws you curve balls. Either way, I think last night officially broke the 4th of July curse.

IML Date

So, it’s about time I wrote about IML, no?

What can I say, really? It was a blast. Considering how beat (sick) I was by the end of last year, I am actually a bit surprised at how energetic I felt heading to the airport on Tuesday. Part of that is doubtlessly due to the fact that I had my very own bed in the hotel that was mine and no one else’s. More than that though was the regularity of my schedule. Let’s face it: I’m a boy. I need structure. And in fact, whenever I’m on vacation or otherwise not working, I go insane. And at an event like IML, I would have not only just wandered around aimlessly, I would have over-played and really worn myself out. Working for Nasty Pig every day was definitely exhausting, but really allowed me to not get over-stimulated.

Speaking of play, most of the play I had was bondage oriented. There was only about half as much cock sucking as I expected. And in fact, the most exciting part of my trip was rather…well… romantic. Ok ok, let me explain. I met a guy. Heh. Yeah, at IML.

His name is Tony. We met at the Nasty Pig booth. He was tall (er), dark (gorgeous dark skin), and handsome (wow…). We flirted a bit, but so did everyone at the booth. It wasn’t until I saw him later at the bar that I really got excited. We talked for a bit, and I quickly learned that he was into fisting, ass play, and fucking. Not just into them: REALLY INTO THEM. Anyone who has read this blog should know how problematic that seems.

My loss, I figured. Could I have pursued it? Sure. I mean, it isn’t impossible to find other common sexual interests. But for an IML hook up, is it really worth it? I headed out to find some friends, and I swear, I kept running into Tony every few minutes. LITERALLY. We just kept seeing each other. It was like we were being thrust into each other’s way, and I finally decided to take the hint.

He asked for my number, and I told him point blank that I wasn’t into anal or ass play. If he wanted to still meet up, I would love to. But I told him if he wasn’t interested, I would completely understand. Sure enough he wanted to.

I ended up seeing him later all by accident as I was roaming the hotel. I told my friends I would catch up with them in a sec, and sure enough ended up forgetting all about them and spending the whole night with Tony. We hung out at the hotel together for an hour or so before heading back to his place. He was just so sexy, handsome, and in charge… I was swooning more than a little bit. And…on the walk back to his place, I did something super dorky. I tried holding his hand… :-(. I know, big IML no-no. As soon as I did it I immediately let go and apologized. But then he looked at me and told me I could hold his hand if I wanted to. AND I WANTED TO. So there we were, walking through the IML host hotel, holding hands like some high school sweet hearts going to the sock-hop in the 1950’s (except for, you know, the whole interracial gay couple part).

I have to admit, sometimes I surprise even myself with what a hopeless romantic I can be, and how easy it is for me to get swept away in flights of fancy. But he seemed pretty cool with my romantic side. After we got back to his place, we fooled around and it was definitely hot. But may fav part of the night may have been falling asleep on his chest.

The next day we agreed to meet up for dinner later, and as it got later in the day, I asked if we could maybe take a walk too. I hadn’t really explored most of area around the hotel, and besides I thought it would be nice to take a walk together.

We ended up going to Millennium Park, and it was, for lack of a better term, MAGICAL. There was a free concert playing, the weather was perfect, the park itself was enchanting, and there I was with a handsome stranger who I was finding more endearing with each step.

I’m not going to go into too much detail, but as the night wore down, it was becoming increasingly clear that it was nothing short of a crime that Tony and I lived on opposite coasts. We had quite a lot in common, and I would have loved some freedom to explore that. Still, we took advantage of the time we had. I really enjoyed meeting him, and I think it says a lot that the date I went on at IML was highlight of the whole trip for me. Thanks Tony.

More IML posts to come, and in the meantime, check out Tony's fisting blog: http://studfist.blogspot.com/

Hey guys

Sorry I have been such a lazy fuck lately haha. I swear I am working on a post about the whirlwind romance I had at IML. I just haven't quite finished it.

Also have some updates on Folsom and others. Trying to catch up, I swear.

Keep checking back!

World Cup

GO U.S.!!!!!

IML Recap Part 1

So basically, IML was a blast. I had a great time, met some great people, worked my ass off, and caught up with old friends. I'll be writing about all of that in the coming days, but until then...here is a little teaser...

IML

Well, I'm packing up this morning and flying out to IML in just a few hours. I hope to see you all there! Pleeeaaassseee keep in mind though that I am going to be working hard all day at Nasty Pig. If you see me there, feel free to say hey, but I'm not going to be able to hang out. Thanks guys, I will have much more time to be social in the lobby!

If I have the energy, I may be doing daily updates. We'll see.

It's going to be quite the weekend.

Ouch:-(

I hit myself in the face yesterday with a packing tape gun. I was at Nasty Pig packing up for IML. Frown.

Been a while

Sorry all! Just realized it has been almost three weeks since I have posted. I swear the time just flies. Been super busy, as you could have imagined.

Something interesting happened to me a week ago though. I have been dealing with some romantic issues involving a man I was casually dating in DC for a while. I never wrote about him for a few reasons, the foremost of which being that our relationship wasn't kinky at all. Still, as time goes by I am realizing more and more how deeply I care about him. Of course, it's too late for anything to happen now. Oh well, that's the way it goes sometimes.

Anyway! I was talking with a friend about my situation, and he gave me some unexpected advice; date guys my age. My automatic impulse was "pfffft!". Let's face it, I am RARELY attracted to guys around my age. What's more, I really couldn't see myself being in a relationship with one. Still, it should be noted that this friend is one of my most trusted confidants, and I always hold his advice in extremely high regard.

Still, I wasn't convinced...but then the funniest thing happened. Literally the day after this conversation, one of the cutest, sexiest, most adorable guys I have ever met came into Nasty Pig. We flirted rather heavily, and I found myself truly drawn in by his energy. And wouldn't you know it? Twenty three years old. Now don't get me wrong, I am still hardly convinced that my age is the way to go. It is still very rare for me to be interested in young guys (and for the record, this boy had a boyfriend (yuck)). But, I don't know... The serendipity of it all... well, it just made me reconsider for a second. Especially since I have been wanting to meet someone special lately, it just made me open my eyes a bit to the possibility.

Tight

Hey guys. So you know how I always complain about not having anything to post about? Well lately I have had too much to post about! Which is why it has been so hard to pick which are worth the time of writing about. Which begs the question why have a blog if you are too lazy to write in it? Haha, oh well.

Today's post, despite the intro, is pretty short actually. It is sort of a public confession. As many of you know (especially those who know me in person), I am quite shameless about my BDSM interests and lifestyle. I am a proud and outspoken young man, and I tell people, rather casually, about all kinds of interests.

Despite all of this though, I do have a few interests that I am not as outspoken about. I wouldn't really say I am ashamed. That's not quite it exactly. It's more...I don't know. How to describe it. I know a lot of guys aren't really into it, and that some are really turned off by the idea; so I elect not to bring it up.

By the way, the IT is that I like tights/spandex. I think they are wicked hot. Now to be clear, I am not entirely "in the closet" with this interest. I have pics on my recon page with me bound and gagged in lycra suits. And I think I list that as an interest. I just, rarely bring it up with someone if they don't first.

I really don't know why I feel all weird when I talk about it or bring it up with guys I am talking to. Maybe I don't perceive it as very manly? I don't know. I really don't. But, you guys know me. I usually don't worry too much about why I get off on something. Why I think certain ways or preform certain behaviors: sure. But at the core of why some fetish turns me on, I think too many people spend too much time worried about it. Just enjoy it. And that is exactly what I'm gonna do. In fact, I was inspired to write this because I am about to go shopping for new tights right now!

And if you don't like it, fuck off! ;-)

Random day dreams

Today at work (Nasty Pig) I was wearing rolled up denim shorts, a white Nasty Pig shredder, some beat up white tube socks with green stripes, and my block high top chucks. I don't know why, but at one point I saw myself in the mirror and pictured myself standing before a Man with those tube socks stuffed in my mouth and my chucks tied to my balls and dangling between my legs. And once I had it in my head, it was hard to think of anything else.

Let's hear it for day dreams, huh?

UPDATE: 2:19am

Apparently dreams come true. A friend of mine saw this post and made a proposition to me. Wasn't sure on it, but I said what the fuck. 20 mins later he was at my place.

When he got here I was gagged with those skater socks I mentioned, naked, and had my balls tied. I stripped him, tied his hands behind his back, then tied him in simple chest harness. I gagged him with a plug gag and tied it to the harness. Lastly, I took my the chuck taylor high tops I was wearing all day and tied both to each of our balls. I tied my own wrists behind my back, and proceeded to play tug of war for twenty mins. It was young, and playful, but it was pretty hot.

I guess day dreams can come true.

Orders

You know, I wanted to write a bit about something that turns me on. I like being bossed around. I like being given orders and expected to complete them. Now while that may seem obvious to a lot of you who have read even one post on this blog, let me clarify. I enjoy this completely independently of any sort of Dom/sub relationship. The relationships I have written about before deal with love, trust, and emotional, mental, and sexual fulfillment. The type of orders I am talking about (lately at least) have been coming from a top I used to play with years ago, who I had developed a more platonic friendship with recently. Until a month or two ago, we hadn't played in a long time. Frankly I don't even remember how it happened, but recently we realized we both enjoyed the process of him giving me orders for fun.

This isn't really submission. There are aspects of it that deal with submission, but really this is just about sexual gratification for both parties. This is why a lot of people in the community would look down on such an exchange; "I'm not really submitting, I am just playing". And yeah, I am. And hey, I have no problem with that. Play is great! It's fun. It's non-serious. It doesn't add any additional responsibility to my life. Does it fulfill me like a Sir/boy relationship would? Of course not. But why does that matter? I don't expect it to meet all my needs, just this very specific one. When I get his emails with my instructions that he came up with, it makes my dick hard. It gets me all excited, and what more could I ask for from such a simple exchange?

Keep in mind: THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION FOR YOU ALL TO EMAIL ME ORDERS HAHAHA. He and I have a very well-established connection, which has a lot to do with why this works for us. However, please leave feedback or questions. Who knows what may be in store for me if he sees a lot of positive responses/requests on here!

Spring Cleaning

It is absolutely beautiful out. The weather is warm, but still crisp. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. I have the windows wide open and am ready to give my new apartment a vigorous spring cleaning. If only there were someone to put me in some gear or enforce some rules on me while I do. Oh well, I guess I will just enforce them myself. What do you think guys? Balls tied; sock gagged, collared? May not be much, but it beats cleaning normally! haha

Happy Spring!

Black Party

This year I went to my first Black Party in NYC. I had won tickets last year in the most tragic bar contest you could ever imagine, but just had Greg scalp them since A) I wasn't interested and B) was not going to be in NYC at the time. This year though I was hired by Vance to lead a bondage scene at the event (like I do for him on Friday's at Splash). More or less, the idea was to spend three hours creating a spider web of rope on a huge 10x10 frame, tie a boy to it, and lead a scene. All simple enough, and the pay was decent. Besides, it got me a free ticket to the event.

I am not much of a circuit party boy (or even much or a night life boy to be frank), but I was certainly curious about the event itself. I had been working non stop for the days leading up to the party, so I figured I would show up, do my scene, and leave.

I got there around 11:30 with Brian from the NYBC who was doing an identical scene elsewhere at the party. He had already suggested I tie up one of our mutual acquaintances, and since I didn't have a better suggestion, I agreed. We all met up at the ballroom and got situated before starting our scenes. The web took about two hours to make, and the scene prob took 30 or 40 mins. I think it was hot (or at least entertaining) for the audience, but me and the bottom had absolutely no chemistry (nor a particular fondness for each other), which made the whole scene feel like just another job (which it was).

However, the one surprise I got at Black Party was another example of my ever shifting sexual and emotional needs. Now, in the days before BP I had worked a lot at Nasty Pig. All of us felt like we must have sold a third of the gear that was worn at BP, and we met a large number of party goers in the day before. Many were hot, and I flirted with plenty (as is my prerogative hehe). I figured I would run into a few at the party, and was open to something happening.

Sure enough, I did run into a few. One in particular struck my fancy. A very handsome, bearded, muscular, broad, masculine man from LA. He came up to the platform I was on grabbed my leg. When I looked down I grinned broadly. We had flirted a lot in the store, and I thought he was just the sexiest guy. We talked for a bit, and started kissing. You know how some guys are just amazing kissers? Well that is exactly what he was. He was sweet and flirtatious, and just the best damn kisser I had met in a while. We kissed for a while, and eventually I started sucking his dick (which was thick, mouthwatering, and so suckable). However, it didn't last long. He picked me up, and we started kissing again, and frankly I couldn't have been happier. It seemed innocent, and somewhat ridiculous considering the venue, but I just could have stood kissing him all night.

Eventually I had to get back to my scene, and he told me he would be right there watching. ^ _ ^. The scene happened, and we had no chemistry and it was work. Afterwards I looked for my new connection and found that he was gone. I started to think he might have left after seeing the rather sexual scene, not realizing how much I would have rather been with him. So I untied the web and spent the rest of the party exploring/keeping my eye out for him. I never found him.

But during my intense search, I started to realize all the guys who had there dicks out just waiting for a boy like me to suck them off weren't tempting me even slightly. Usually NSA no recip cock service is my thing. But on this black night of nights, I just wasn't feeling it. All I wanted to do was find my big furry fella and kiss him deeply. It's opened my eyes a little bit. I haven't had a boyfriend in almost six years (David and I were never in a committed relationship). I have seen guys, but to be honest, I have always been happily (and preferably) single. But maybe I want to stop sleeping around. Maybe I'm ready to find just one guy. Maybe I'm ready to meet my someone just for me.

Shout out

To the fellow who came up to me in Chipotle tonight just to tell me you loved my blog, thank you. You really made my night ^ _ ^!

Ben

David

So as many of you know, my first serious Sir/boy dynamic was with a man named David. We had met on recon as I was trying to make a few connections in NYC months before I moved for my first summer here (Summer 08). Even from a distance (I still lived in DC for four months before I moved), things with He and I got very intense very quickly. It was not long before I was on a bedtime and schedule he set, following rules that he laid, etc… It was remarkable, and it was the only time I have ever so deeply allowed myself to connect with a Sir.

Without going into too much detail about what happened, partially due to the fact that even to this day I don’t understand what really went wrong or why he changed, suffice to say it did not work out. I was devastated. Given that, in addition to feeling lost, abandoned, and confused; I was unhappy with my internship, could not find a job, had no money for food, and lost 10 lbs that summer from not eating: it was def the worst 3 months of my life. But I made it through, and coincidentally, started this blog shortly after I returned to DC.

It took a long time for me to “get over” Him. He was the second man I ever fell in love with, and our ending was so convoluted that it was hard to get over. Besides, only a few months later I found a new boy and was very much in love. This only brought back all the theories I had for why everything that happened was my fault, and that if I were only better in some way, he would have loved me back.

It was not until my first IML, roughly one year since I had last seen or spoken to him, that I realized how ok with the situation I had become. A year had passed and I had experienced a lot. I was already pretty much over him, but IML sealed it. I finally saw who the new boy ways, and it filled me with a sense of relief. He was COMPLETELY different from me. His new boy was older, had a different body type, and clearly shared a different dynamic with David. I had always feared it was some young boy very much like me who just had something I didn’t. But seeing this man who David had fallen for helped me realize it wasn’t my fault.

I’ll admit, seeing and talking to Him at IML (we ran into each other quite suddenly and unexpectedly) was more pleasant than I thought. It may have been because of that, that when I moved to NYC two months ago I allowed myself to get back in touch with him. I don’t remember who it was that first offered, but we ended up deciding to get dinner together.

The night was pretty great. Seeing him was a bit strange. He had started shaving his beard and chest hair, and frankly it made a strong visual impact on me. He no longer looked like a firm Daddy type, but rather a handsome young man in his late twenties (the beard made him look older). I stated to recognize him more as a person than I had in the past (something I know was one of the mistakes I did make when we were “together”). The whole evening just flew by, and I really felt our old closeness returning. And being that I had just moved, it was really nice to not only have a familiar face, but with someone who exuded control and security.

And then, in true David fashion, he just fucked me over. As I was leaving he asked if I wanted to come back next week for dinner. I was SHOCKED, since I know how he is about needing space. I even said “Heh, are you sure?” before he gave me a look and I graciously accepted. Until next week I didn’t call or text because, again, I didn’t want to scare him off. Sure enough, a week later when I texted him to see when he wanted to get together that week: no response. I called later. No response. Texted the next day. No response. Texted him a few days later to congratulate his mention on towleroad.com. No response. And since then, I have yet to hear from him.

THIS IS QUINTESSENTIAL DAVID BULL SHIT! Seriously, I was so annoyed/pissed that I have had no idea how to react. I just don’t fucking get him. Like. If you don’t want to see me again, DON’T MAKE PLANS WITH ME. And if you do want to see me again, DON’T FUCKING IGNORE ME. Seriously, if I ever were to hear from him again he would probably give me the same lies he always used to give me about why he ignored me and never got back in touch. And then he would say my expectations were too high when the ONLY THING I EVER EXPECTED OF HIM WAS TO DO THE THINGS HE SAID HE WOULD. I only ever expected that from him.

So yeah, who knows if I will ever hear from him again. I saw him at the Eagle, and he waved at me as if everything was cool and I just rolled my eyes and kept walking. Then he invited me to his birthday (by mass email evite), and refused to respond when I emailed him back asking what had happened the week before. Seriously? Seriously you are going to act like everything is cool? Oh well. I’m done with letting him make me wonder what I did wrong. He is dishonest, disingenuous, and just not worth it anymore.

Been busy

Hey guys. So sorry for not posting, but things have been somewhat insane here. I did not have much to post about for a while, and then suddenly HELL WEEK hit. Without getting into it to much, this is what hell week was like for me.

Monday: Worked. Realize roommate is a controlling, psycho bitch. Found a potential place on Craigslist.
Tuesday: Saw place from Craigslist.
Weds: Worked all day and Go-Go danced from 12-4am. Was offered place from CL.
Thurs: Put in deposit.
Fri: Worked all day and worked at Splash 10-3am.
Sat: Packed all day. Moved. Danced 11-3am
Sun: Worked 6pm-4am
Monday: Worked all day.

Needless to say my week sucked. But everything worked out for the best. What's more, I have a few things to write about including: being really attracted for a young looking boy (very strange), another round of David being an ass, and some NYBC updates.

Stick around;-)

Cowboy Ben

So last week I, again, spent my Friday night doing PG bondage scenes at Splash, and you know... I think it was my best night yet. Vance, the guy who organizes the talent and performers, had texted me a few days prior telling me to come prepared for a cowboy theme. Admittedly, I thought it was pretty cringe worthy, but it's all a performance, right?

So I showed up Friday with a red bandanna and a pair of blue bandanna inspired briefs. They are very gay, very twinkish, and among the last pieces of evidence of my nineteen-year-old self. For the first scene...um. Frankly I can't even really remember what happened. Nevermind, it was mardi gras themed. I tied two guys back to back, and there were clothespins. It was an early show and the crowd was pretty thin.

Preparing for my second show though, Vance was trying to craft some ideas and explain what he wanted from the cowboy themed show. He seemed sort of unsure, so I just stepped in and said, "Why don't I just turn another cowboy into a horse?". He. Loved. It. So I suited up in my briefs and bandanna, and donned a cowboy hat Vance had brought just for me. I'll admit. It was a pretty adorable look. I even took a minute to jokingly, but sincerely thank Vance for pushing me outside of my typical comfort zone. Maybe I don't let myself enjoy being young and twinky as much as I should.

Before we went out, I made a rope bit and gagged my partner. Then I attached a second rope to each end of the bit to act as reigns. When we were all set, he carried me out piggy-back style and up onto the stage. Once there, I tied his reigns to the pole (sort of like a real horse), and had him stand leaning forward against the pole. I then proceeded to tie a saddle onto his back. I tied his chest first, then tied a rope jock onto him, and wove a pattern between. The whole look was really sexy, and very evocative of a saddle. Afterwards, I put him on all fours and rode him for a bit. Smacking his ass, letting him buck, etc... It was pretty hot. More than anything, it was the first scene I had done there that made complete sense. I was a cowboy, doing cowboy themed bondage. I don't know, it just clicked in a way it never had before. Plus, the more I get to know Vance, the more I enjoy hanging out in the back between shows. I'm really starting to like this gig.

General Update

So that you all don't fear that I have A) forgotten about you, B) been kidnapped (the real kind), C) been kidnapped (the sexy kind) by some dark, sexy man, or D) died; I wanted to just write a quick general post about what has been going on.

My new life in NYC is starting to settle down. I got a job with a really fantastic men's sportswear/fetishwear line called Nasty Pig. If you haven't heard of them before, they're worth checking out. In addition to making some really edgy clothes, they make excellent fetish gear. It's been rough acclimating to a life in retail, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. Nay, I'm actually starting to enjoy it a little. It can be a fun environment.

In addition to Nasty Pig, I've been doing night performances to make some extra cash. While it's mostly go-go dancing, I've also been doing bondage demo's every Friday night at a bar called Splash. It's sort of a dying pretty boy bar, which could not be more my scene, but the pay is pretty outstanding considering the complete lack of work on my part, and I like the guy who organizes the performers A LOT. He usually just has me dress up in something twinky and horrible, and put on a pg-13 show. Mostly it's just tying up the go-go boys, and playing with them a bit. One week I was Robin tying up Batman (he actually had me wear my new Robin costume which was kind of fun). Last week it was Cupid. That's right. Red soccer socks, white jock strap, wings, and a bow. I wish to god I was kidding. Thankfully, no pictures were taken. Ironically, last Friday, Splash hosted the Hookies (rentboy awards (yes, such a thing exists (yes, it is as horrifying as it is delicious))). And as all those sex workers got on stage and accepted their awards (best coitus), I couldn't help but look at my outfit and wonder who the real whore was. ^ _ ^

So work is good, and I'm not starving (I have had to reassure my mother on several occasions). Otherwise, I've been applying to school, spending time with friends, trying to navigate my relationship with Greg, letting David fuck with my head as usual, and pining over the vanilla boy I was casually dating last semester. More on all of these later. Maybe. Probably. We'll see.

Official tally

So for all you nay-sayers out there: I have just counted, and the results are in. I officially have 27 hairs on my chest, not including my nipples. Just you wait, by the time I am 30, I will be a decently furry little cub!

Bound at MAL

While I didn’t play much at MAL, I did have one particularly hot scene on the last night of my trip. I had casually known tieguy0007 for a year or so, and I really wanted to get roped by him this trip. We tried to make a more one-on-one time happen, but our schedules only lines up Sunday night when he was throwing a play party in his rooms. I had told him in advance I don’t need much play to keep me happy, and would be more than happy to just be kept bound and gagged during the party.

So Sunday night I went to his room and there were a bunch of people there. It was mostly him and the boys he had come with (who were almost entirely insufferable, but will do a post on that later), but there were already a few others there too. Codytx, who I had met before on my first trip to the NYBC was there getting tied already by a very handsome rope top whose contact info I need to get…*makes mental note*.


Robert (tieguy), had me strip to a jock and laid me down on my stomach. He quickly put me into one of the best hog ties I have ever experienced. Why was it the best? While everyone’s rubric for effective bondage may vary, I put a lot of emphasis on sustainability. I like bondage that I can stay in a while without being horribly uncomfortable and/or loosing circulation and having to get out. What’s more, I couldn’t escape. It was tight, inescapable, and comfortable…a near perfect hogtie. Unfortunately, he finished it off with a weak cleave gag. My most loyal of readers will know that gagging is huge for me, and pretty crucial to the bondage, still the tie was hot enough where I only slightly minded.


Once I was QUITE secure, Robert played with me a big. As far as I can tell, he had some sort of vibrating glove he used on me that was very hot. He played with my nipples a bit, my feet, all the while stroking my cock. Sure enough it didn’t take long for me to get close. I warned him and just as I was about to shoot he stopped. I struggled a bit in frustration, but that was all he was giving me.

This is when the night really started. He and another man moved me onto a small cushioned bench against the wall so I could be kept bound and gagged and out of the way of the rest of the party. Luckily, I was right near the door. As guests started to fill in, I had to make a spur of the moment choice. Would I let these guys fondle me, tease me, play with me? If I had made the decision before hand I would have said “no way”, but in the heat of the moment, it was undeniably hot. When the first stranger started to play with me, Robert’s friend who was keeping an eye on me asked if it was ok, and I have him the go ahead.

For the rest of the night, any guy who came in could tease and fondle me to his hearts content. I let them know when they did something I wasn’t cool with (sucking my dick, attempting any sort of ass play), but that was the only things I really had to put my foot down about. The rest just played with my cock, balls, or nips. Some handgagged me. Some stroked my body. And I felt completely vulnerable and helpless. It was incredibly exhilarating, and the first time I have ever done something like this.

I have to admit; one of the hottest aspects for me was staring up into their faces with a pleading expression, feeling powerless and at their mercy. What’s more, some of the men who came in were guys I had seen checking me out all weekend, whom I had no particular interest in. But it didn’t matter if I was into them or not. They came in, and found the boy they had been checking out completely helpless and unable to reject their advances. They could take advantage of me, because I was captured. I know this isn’t the case really, since I could have stopped everything at any given moment, but I let myself FEEL these emotions and the effect was truly exhilarating.

Another extremely hot aspect of the night was getting to watch everyone else get tied up. There were two or three other scenes that happened while I was on the side. The first was hot because for a while he was not blindfolded, and in brief moments we would lock eyes and share that unspoken moment where we both felt helpless. A feeling only we shared. The second was EXTREMELY hot because he fought and acted very resistant. His pleas of NO, NO, before having a gag stuffed in his mouth really fucking turned me on. He almost had me shooting at least five times, just from how hot his struggling was.

After three or four hours, everyone started clearing out and one of the boys jerked me off. I shot a lot, and shuddered under the power of that fucking orgasm. I had been kept on edge for a while, and the release was overwhelming. I was untied, thanked Robert, and headed back to the lobby. We are working on planning a trip for me to come visit him.

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MAL

I wasn't really prepared to sit down and write a post about MAL, but when I went to two of my fav blogs today I encountered this picture under the top post:



This is me with Masc Dude Writer, the creator of one of my favorite blogs. We have known each other on here for a while, and it was cool to finally meet him (and he is, coincidentally, good friend's with Neil (the hypnotist)). Check his blog out here if you haven't already.

Seeing the picture and everyone's posts on MAL, it inspired me to recap my own experience. Most of the weekend for me was about seeing old friends, exploring deeper connections with casual acquaintances, and meeting new people. I couldn't hide my excitement to see my friends from around the country, and those in DC who I had left a month ago when I moved. I got to see Papa Buff and Derek de Silva (though I didn't spend enough time with them:-(), Sir Larry, pup Ryan, and a whole slew of characters I have gotten to know over the years.

One of the most thrilling parts of the weekend, though, is strengthening a connection. There were a few men who I had met before and casually known who I ended up sharing an important conversation with. I found out DC's resident barber doesn't hate me (as I thought he did), a NY top was applying to the exact same program at FIT as I am, and a Brooklyn cub wanted me to be on the Folsom east planning committee. I also had the sincere pleasure of meeting some new people, however briefly. I spoke to a really cool lesbian (ok, I know the word cool is ridiculous, but seriously if you met her you would know that she just exudes the idea of "cool") who asked if I had considered going to leather leadership, played with a great rope top from New Orleans (post coming), and met a muscular boy who, as it turns out, had wanted me dead for the past few years because of some ex's of his I had played with (NOT while they were together). You never know who you will meet at these things ;-).

As many of you know I worked the RECON booth again, which is always great for me. Not only does working in the booth pay me, and allow me to spend all day with my BELOVED coworkers Ben and Garret, but working there also gives my weekend from structure. As we all know, boys (read: I) need structure. Especially on such a whirlwind weekend, having a specific job to do at a specific time each day really keeps you from getting swept away in the madness. Not to mention, working at the booth both forces and allows me to be social.

So yeah, all in all it was a pretty amazing MAL.

Hypno Bondage

So for about a year or two now I would consider hypnosis to be under the category of things I had marginal interest in. Sure it seemed interesting, but I think I was a bit too skeptical to express a real interest. Maybe 6 months ago I had spoken briefly to a guy into hypno and we had gotten lunch, but there was no chemistry at all so nothing ever came of it.

About a week or two ago a friend of mine told me about a hot hypno Daddy he had been talking to on recon who lived in New York, and I had made up my mind to poach him hehe. I checked out his profile and really liked what I saw, so I sent him a fairly long message telling him about my interests, my experience, and my apprehensions. I was glad to discover not only was Neil interested, but also he had actually been a long time reader of this very blog!

After a few online interactions, Neil stopped by last Tuesday to talk about what went into a hypno scene, do some exercises with me, and possibly do a scene. So first we talked about the theory of hypnosis, or at least the one he believes in (apparently there are many). We then talked about what we actually do in a practical sense to experience a trance. Finally, we discussed the erotic possibilities of hypnosis including hypno bondage (which had interested me the most).

First we started with a simple exercise, which I am glad we did, because it took away a large chunk of the fleeting skepticism I had been holding onto. In it, he basically used a simple suggestion to my subconscious to make me feel a pulling force on my hands and make them come together. And I have to say, it worked 100%. I could TOTALLY feel the pull on my hands, and I was rather surprised at how strong it was.

We then went into some basic trance inducing exercises to get me used to going under. During this time, Neil would implant my subconscious with suggestions that I would later react to even when not in trance. Now in all honesty, this was a bit harder for me than I had anticipated. There were times when I let my mind really wander and go “deep” as Neil called it, but they were few and far between. I think it will take a few more sessions for me to really get there.

Because of this, there were things that I elected to do because Neil told me to, and not because of an automated reaction (which was the desired goal), such as when he told me to remove my clothes or raise my left hand. NOTE: Neil had told me ahead of time that the conscious mind had a tendency to rationalize things, and because of that I may THINK I wanted to do these things, but I really had no choice. To be honest, this is the only part of hypnotism I still find slightly suspect. Not to say that he or the whole process is fraudulent in any way, but the only times I experienced this I truly feel like I was acting under conscious decision-making. I more see these at times when I had not gone deeply enough into a trance to accept his suggestion.

However, the majority of things that resulted from the hypnosis I DID either feel compelled to do, or just felt more natural doing them than usual. For example, after my last trance (not including the closing one), Neil could put my hands together and say “Cuffs”. And what do you know; I really couldn’t move my hands from that position. It is actually a weird feeling. I wondered if I was just faking it for my own benefit, and if I tried I could get out. But to be honest, I don’t know if I could. It is really hard to explain. There is a large strain on your muscles because your mind is forcing them to maintain a position. What’s interesting is I tried doing it on my own after Neil had left, to see if I could naturally force myself into the exact feeling I had experienced under Neil’s suggestion. I put my wrists together and tried to force my muscles to experience what they had before, and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get to the muscle tension that had kept my wrists so firmly together. Also, he would say statue and I wouldn’t be able to move my body. Again, at the time I don’t know how foolproof this was, but my limbs did feel a certain solidity to them that helped me maintain each position.

I have trouble writing about it all, because frankly it is a very confusing process to go through. I intend to do more sessions with Neil, and hopefully overtime I will be able to offer a bit more insight into the process. For now, I highly recommend you check out his website at http://erotic-hypno.com/.

Moved in

I'M ALL MOVED IN TO MY NEW PLACE IN NYC!!!!!!