David

So as many of you know, my first serious Sir/boy dynamic was with a man named David. We had met on recon as I was trying to make a few connections in NYC months before I moved for my first summer here (Summer 08). Even from a distance (I still lived in DC for four months before I moved), things with He and I got very intense very quickly. It was not long before I was on a bedtime and schedule he set, following rules that he laid, etc… It was remarkable, and it was the only time I have ever so deeply allowed myself to connect with a Sir.

Without going into too much detail about what happened, partially due to the fact that even to this day I don’t understand what really went wrong or why he changed, suffice to say it did not work out. I was devastated. Given that, in addition to feeling lost, abandoned, and confused; I was unhappy with my internship, could not find a job, had no money for food, and lost 10 lbs that summer from not eating: it was def the worst 3 months of my life. But I made it through, and coincidentally, started this blog shortly after I returned to DC.

It took a long time for me to “get over” Him. He was the second man I ever fell in love with, and our ending was so convoluted that it was hard to get over. Besides, only a few months later I found a new boy and was very much in love. This only brought back all the theories I had for why everything that happened was my fault, and that if I were only better in some way, he would have loved me back.

It was not until my first IML, roughly one year since I had last seen or spoken to him, that I realized how ok with the situation I had become. A year had passed and I had experienced a lot. I was already pretty much over him, but IML sealed it. I finally saw who the new boy ways, and it filled me with a sense of relief. He was COMPLETELY different from me. His new boy was older, had a different body type, and clearly shared a different dynamic with David. I had always feared it was some young boy very much like me who just had something I didn’t. But seeing this man who David had fallen for helped me realize it wasn’t my fault.

I’ll admit, seeing and talking to Him at IML (we ran into each other quite suddenly and unexpectedly) was more pleasant than I thought. It may have been because of that, that when I moved to NYC two months ago I allowed myself to get back in touch with him. I don’t remember who it was that first offered, but we ended up deciding to get dinner together.

The night was pretty great. Seeing him was a bit strange. He had started shaving his beard and chest hair, and frankly it made a strong visual impact on me. He no longer looked like a firm Daddy type, but rather a handsome young man in his late twenties (the beard made him look older). I stated to recognize him more as a person than I had in the past (something I know was one of the mistakes I did make when we were “together”). The whole evening just flew by, and I really felt our old closeness returning. And being that I had just moved, it was really nice to not only have a familiar face, but with someone who exuded control and security.

And then, in true David fashion, he just fucked me over. As I was leaving he asked if I wanted to come back next week for dinner. I was SHOCKED, since I know how he is about needing space. I even said “Heh, are you sure?” before he gave me a look and I graciously accepted. Until next week I didn’t call or text because, again, I didn’t want to scare him off. Sure enough, a week later when I texted him to see when he wanted to get together that week: no response. I called later. No response. Texted the next day. No response. Texted him a few days later to congratulate his mention on towleroad.com. No response. And since then, I have yet to hear from him.

THIS IS QUINTESSENTIAL DAVID BULL SHIT! Seriously, I was so annoyed/pissed that I have had no idea how to react. I just don’t fucking get him. Like. If you don’t want to see me again, DON’T MAKE PLANS WITH ME. And if you do want to see me again, DON’T FUCKING IGNORE ME. Seriously, if I ever were to hear from him again he would probably give me the same lies he always used to give me about why he ignored me and never got back in touch. And then he would say my expectations were too high when the ONLY THING I EVER EXPECTED OF HIM WAS TO DO THE THINGS HE SAID HE WOULD. I only ever expected that from him.

So yeah, who knows if I will ever hear from him again. I saw him at the Eagle, and he waved at me as if everything was cool and I just rolled my eyes and kept walking. Then he invited me to his birthday (by mass email evite), and refused to respond when I emailed him back asking what had happened the week before. Seriously? Seriously you are going to act like everything is cool? Oh well. I’m done with letting him make me wonder what I did wrong. He is dishonest, disingenuous, and just not worth it anymore.