Thanks

Thanks to a very special reader for today. I feel like the luckiest boy in the whole wide world. ^ _ ^

New York Bondage Club

So here is a fun spot of news. I will be doing a trial run as a junior partner at the New York Bondage Club. Loyal readers will remember, fondly I hope, that I used to go there every week when I first moved to NYC two summers ago. I quickly befriended the staff, or more accurately, they quickly befriended me and welcomed me into the group (which I couldn’t have appreciated more as a new boy in the big city).

About a month ago, Brian from the NYBC was down in DC for the weekend and he stopped by for my rope bondage demo for SIGMA. Impressed with my work, and open to the idea of hiring a young capable top, we started talking about the possibility of me working at the club. What we decided on was a trial run with me working there for a few months to see how it works. If I’m not a good fit (as decided by either me or the staff), then I will stop working there with no hard feelings (and still probably attend frequently).

So starting this Sunday, until whenever, I will be part of the crew that runs the club. I’ll be mingling with guests, talking to people, getting them to open up, and also putting on scenes. As I usually do at the club, I will mostly be topping the scenes as opposed to bottoming. Part of that has to do with comfort levels (playing with a top I barely know), and part of it has to do with snobbery haha. The bondage club is just that, a bondage club. Sex happens, but its all about the bondage. And if there is one thing that turns me off, its when an incompetent top tries to keep me roped. All I do is just sit and think about how poor of a job he is doing, making it impossible for me to reach any level of sub headspace.

So, if you have never been to the club, check out OUR website at www.nybondageclub.com and consider swinging by some Sunday night. And if you’re a reader, make sure you find me and let me know. Love meeting the people who read me! Who knows, maybe you’ll end up bound and gagged ;-).

Weekly training

So as my most loyal of readers will remember, for the past few months I have undergone weekly training session with a DC Sir named Larry who I have known for a few years now. We have played before, and I had already learned a lot from him about play and submission in general when I agreed to commit to once-a-week meetings. I had told him I wanted to learn more about submission, and he agreed to me explore if I was willing to treat it like a serious endeavor.

Some of you have asked why I didn’t document these weekly sessions, and there are a few reasons for that. For starters, not every week involved kinky (or any) play or sex. Some weeks were perfectly non sexual, and some were sexual without any kink. Also, what I learned through my training I learned gradually throughout our relationship as opposed to at a specific instance.

So what did I learn? Well, where people think “training sessions”, they probably think I learned how to sit, stay, etc…. To give a Dom a massage, to clean for him, to cook for him, etc… Basically, “training session” connotes learning a behavior. But frankly, I didn’t really learn any particular behavior. I already knew how to do all the aforementioned things.

No. What I learned was how to interact intimately with a Dominant man, and how to really BE submissive. This is two pronged. Learning about the interaction mostly refers to learning about communication. How to appropriately speak to and with a Sir. This includes not only how one speaks to Him, but also how to bring up problems and concerns in a way that emphasizes your trust in Him. I even talked to him about how to avoid being too pushy. More accurately, we talked about how to be just pushy enough for a Sir to find it charming. Hehe

As mentioned earlier, I also learned about how to actually be submissive and serve. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of experience serving men (sexually and domestically). But ALL of it has been from a self-serving place. Now sure, I have done things for men because I was crazy about them and just wanted to do something sweet, but even then it always suited my own desires as well. Having this weekly schedule with Larry made me force myself to push through the times when I wasn’t really up to it. I had made a commitment to serve Him, so even when I was feeling a bit blahh I had to remember that it was really about Him.

There were also some very hot sexual scenes, but these are the two areas in which I grew the most during my training. In just a few short months, I feel like I gained some invaluable insight into and understanding of what it means to serve a man.

Open thread: fantasies!

Hey guys, so I am moving home today for two weeks to see my family during the holidays. Finally will be moving to NYC on Jan 1. In the meantime, help me avoid feeling sad and nostalgic!

As I occasionally do, I would love to get some feedback from everyone and have an open forum! The topic: discuss one fantasy that you have that you have never made come true! Even people who play a lot have fantasies, and some never come into fruition. So whats yours?

Moving on

Wow. I'm leaving DC tomorrow, presumably for good. Thinking back to the 18yo boy who first moved into these dorms four years ago...well its just crazy. So much has changed. I've changed. As much as I rag on it sometimes, DC has been really good to me. And I think it really was a perfect environment to be 18-22 in. I've had opportunities I couldn't have gotten anywhere else, developed relationships with all kinds of interesting people, and embarked on a real sexual journey. If I tried to capture it all in writing it would be a short novel, so I'm not going to try. I'm actually going to keep it short, and in a rather unusual twist, keep these emotions somewhat private.

I guess I just wanted to say thanks to DC and all of the people here who have made the past four years so rich and rewarding.

Christmas Come Early

So as an RA, its always my responsibility to go through the rooms after everyone has left to make sure there is no damage. Most people clean up after themselves, but some students just leave a bunch of shit in the room that they didn't feel like packing. In the past I have gotten some pretty nice free stuff out of this arrangement, including dirty socks. This year though, some hot young straight guy left me these:


Nice huh? When I was cleaning out the room I locked the door behind me and got down on my hand and knees and started attacking them. Brought them back with me, and intend to hold onto them for a while. They smell fucking perfect. Merry Christmas to me.

Tough enough?

I have a confession to make. It’s something that I honestly have had trouble accepting, because it flies in the face of what we glamorize in this community. It’s simple really: I’m not tough. And frankly, I have never really been tough.

Why am I confessing this? And how did I come to this conclusion? Well, I’m confessing this because hopefully by doing so I can stop trying so damn hard to make people think I’m tough. Reading through any literature on the subject of BDSM or leather; the importance of being perceived as tough and strong is ubiquitous. Toughness defines those sexual caricatures that have plagued this community for too long. We erotize tops whose wills are absolute and don't bend to meet the whims of a bottom (or anyone for that matter) and bottoms that can take any amount of pain or sexual servitude the top inflicts or demands. But guess what, I can’t take any amount of pain that a top wants to dole out. More to the point, I can barely take any of it.

Two nights ago I swung by the Eagle on my way home from Code to cruise for cock. I had been titillated all night, and I was admittedly a bit inebriated. I was only there for a min or two before I stumbled across an acquaintance of mine (read: fuck buddy). Large, hairy bearish man whose pits I had sniffed several times before (in addition to other areas). We started talking, but it was pretty direct and to the point. Within minutes we were heading back to his place (again: we had played before). At his place we talked for a bit before getting down to business. Eventually he was on top of me, pinning my arms with his massive legs and enjoying fucking my helpless face. Now this top really loved humiliating me, partially because he knew I craved it, but we had never played around much with SM. He started with my balls, tugging and smacking mostly. And he asked if I liked it, and to be fair I did to an extent. Then he started smacking my face lightly, and again asked if I liked it. I very much did.

But then both the cbt and face slapping escalated at an exponential rate, and one that I was not equipped to deal with. The cbt was a bit more reasonable, but he worked my balls pretty hard and I could tell I was reaching my limit. The face slapping was a bit ridiculous. To give you an idea of just how rapidly the intensity escalated: he slapped me four times. The first was just above a light slap on the check. The fourth ended up leaving a bruise on my eye. And when he dealt that blow I truly recoiled. I was off his cock in a second and just trying to deal with the acute and overwhelming stinging sensation that had taken over the right half of my face.

This is the part where I failed myself as a bottom. He gave me a second, but I should have asked for a minute to compose myself. He started working on my balls again. He asked if I wanted to get slapped again and I shook my head no (much to his surprise). So he made me start choosing. “Balls or face?” he kept asking. I would keep saying balls and he would hit them harder and harder (I think he may have been trying to get me to say face). It was so frustrating and overwhelming (not even ten seconds had passed since the big slap) that I started to cry. He would keep asking and I would stutter and he would ask again and tell me I would get both if I didn’t respond. And even though I should have stopped him, I didn’t. Why? Because I didn’t want to seem weak. I wanted him to think I was a tough kid who could take a lot of pain.

But you know what? I’m not. I have never been able to handle a lot of pain, and even now as I am currently exploring my own pain limits; I can only do so in a safe and established environment. We continued on with the play (much less pain eventually), and everything worked out fine. But that doesn’t change the fact that I should have had the confidence to say something when it was becoming too much for me. I mean, really, why was it so important for me to show him that I could start crying (kind of hard) and still suck his dick? And I know I’m not the only out there who feels that pressure. All of us feel it. Whether trying to meet the expectations of ourselves or our play partners, some of us will push ourselves past our own limits for the wrong reasons. Don’t get me wrong, pushing yourself past your limits CAN be a good thing, and I described a situation in which I did that in a post about clothe pins. The difference is that I pushed myself because I trusted my Sir. The experience, then, is transcendental because of the bond that is created and shared; not just because I let someone hurt me more than I could handle.

Its something that I have been doing since I first started getting tied up, and it began by not speaking up when I started to loose circulation. Particularly when we play with experienced tops, we feel compelled to prove that we’re tough enough to be worth their time and energy. But again, maybe I’m not tough enough. Ever since I was young I could never take a lot of pain, and was often prone to crying. Both of those are still relatively true today, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe by being outspoken and stern about my own physical limits, I will alienate some tops (and even some snobbish bottoms). If that’s the case, good riddance! This isn’t even just about being tough. It’s about saying fuck all to the ridiculous standards of topping and bottoming that we push ourselves to meet despite the fact that they are completely unrealistic. So fuck you Mr. Benson! This boy isn’t interested.

Its Official!!!

Let me preface this post by saying that if I didn't think that everyone hates all caps, this entire post would be in all caps.

As of today, I have officially signed my roommate agreement and paid my deposit to my first real apartment in NYC (I am not counting my subletting experience)!!! I will finally be moving back to the city I love so much! I have known I would be moving to NYC Jan 1, 2010 one way or the other, but its nice to have locked down a place to move. I'll be living in Astoria in a GORGEOUS 2 bedroom apt with an incredibly cool singer song writer. I visited last week, and she and I really just seemed to click on a whole lot of important roommate bull shit. Not to mention, the apartment was 10x more amazing than I had thought it would be.

So thats it. I have two more weeks in Washington, DC as of today for finals and graduation. Then home for two weeks. Then I'll be starting the next chapter of my life! GAHHHH!!!

Be expecting a longer, fairly emotional post about leaving DC and moving to NYC; filled with excitement, hope, and nostalgia. For now though, I just wanted to share my exciting news.

OH! And my first leatherati post as a guest is up today! He really wanted to repost my "Being Out" post, but like many of my posts it had not been proofread or edited in any way. So if you're interested, the leatherati version has some much needed edits and rewrites.

Attached is a picture of my "Excited to be moving to NYC" face.

Updates

Happy Thanksgiving! Even if all we are celebrating is the incidental near-genocide of an indigenous culture. Yes, I am one of those people, but not so much that I won't partake in the festivities. Because for me and my family, it is all about celebrating family.

And speaking of which. Congrats to my parents: 26 years today!

In unrelated news: I got quite a flattering offer in the past few days. The editor of the Leatherati blog (http://leatherati.typepad.com/leatherati) asked me if I would be interested in being a guestblogger/contributer in the future. He told me he was very impressed with my blog and that he would really love for me to offer some content to the site. Needless to say, I was incredibly flattered (aka I have a big head now haha). It's a pretty great blog with a much more news oriented spin towards the scene, and it is def worth checking out.

Being Out.

Being Out

My parents found out I was gay when I was eleven years old. After a while, I had stopped deleting my internet history (possibly as a subconscious way of getting caught), and one day my parents found a long list of sites I had been visiting. First and foremost among them was the original BoundandGagged.com. I don’t know how much time passed between the discovery and the confrontation, but one day they just approached me about it. They wanted me to know they loved me and everything was all right, but that bondage and SM were dangerous. I was eleven! What do you expect?

Over the next few years there would be the occasional sign that I was still very interested in and active with BDSM. And yes, my mother did once walk in on me tied up and sucking cock (which was the last time she ever didn’t knock). Still, my first coming out experience was both coming out as a gay boy and as a lil kinky pervert. Kidding aside, this split is what Guy Baldwin would describe as “the second coming out”. Which is to say that as leather folk, we come out once as gay and then again as leather. Baldwin also spoke a lot about what it really means to come out (who you come out to, coming out to yourself, etc…). I am going to skip that and suggest you read his book The Ties that Bind. But I do want to talk about the importance of being out, as I see it (this is, after all, MY blog).

Being out as a leather boy is something I value greatly, but it isn’t just about doing what is best for me. I truly believe that being out is good for the community. I think we all know that it’s easier for some than others (for a variety of reasons), and it takes a fair deal of comfort in your own skin to be able to candidly talk about the things others prefer to compartmentalize. However, by breaking down the taboos and misconceptions that surround and shroud our community and our practices, we accomplish a number of things.

For starters, and perhaps the most obvious, we deepen the bonds we share with non-leather folk. For example, I am out (and for the rest of this post I mean out as a leather boy) to all my friends and even my family. I cannot even begin to describe the level of connection I share with my closest friends and family because of (as opposed to despite) my openness about these issues. For example, my experience with David (as my most loyal readers will know as my first Sir/boy dynamic) became very emotionally tumultuous during the final months, and I really needed the support of my friends and family. There is no way I could have possibly begun to share my feelings with them if I had to avoid the topic of leather/BDSM. My relationship woes were so deeply rooted in the newness of my identity as a boy, that had I tried to share my feelings with those closest to me, they would have only gotten a vague outline of my problems.

Did they really understand the bond between a Sir and boy? Of course not. But that is a lot less important than you may think. I don’t know what its like to be married, yet I help my parents with their relationship when things are tough (and they have gotten pretty rough). Until recently I had never been in an interracial relationship, but that didn’t stop me being there for my friends who were as much as I could. The point is that when it comes to letting people in and allowing them to support you when you need it most, sometimes they don’t really need to “understand”.

It isn’t just about strengthening the bonds we have though. Being open about our interests creates an environment of sexual openness wherever we go, and challenges notions and judgments about our practices. For example, there have been two occasions in recent memory where I have educated my fellow students in a classroom environment on BDSM and leather culture. Last year in my public speaking class I presented a brief history of BDSM that stretched from the Marquis de Sade to present day. Afterwards the presentation was opened to questions, and class had to be extended for me to address all of them adequately. This semester in my Censorship in Media class I have continually spoken up when issues like the work of Robert Mapplethorpe have come up. I even had an hour-long meeting with the professor outside of class where I talked in depth about how important this part of my identity is. And I have to admit; he gave me a surprise and a smirk when he casually referenced Tom of Finland (I sometimes underestimate the straights). During our conversation, he asked how I felt becoming the token figure and the sole person who represented a great deal of mystery.

To be honest, it energizes me. I enjoy talking about BDSM and leather in public. At one point a girl was discussing how horrifying an image of sounding was, and amidst the classroom uproar people began to quiet down to listen to me as I calmly and informatively described the practice (what it entails, why people do it, etc…). In another incident, I explained to the class what fisting was in a similar fashion (again, inspired by a Mapplethorpe image).

The final goal that we accomplish by being out, which is closely related to the previous, is opening the community to those who are most curious about it. I cannot tell you how many people I have known through school, friends, work, or wherever who have approached me in private to ask me questions about leather and BDSM. In fact, it was my openness about things that led to this blog. An acquaintance of mine, who knew I was a leather boy (as everyone does), ran a local DC blog and asked me to write a piece on ten things for young guys to know about getting into kink. That piece would later become my first post on this blog. Even during the Q&A I mentioned in my public speaking class, looking at everyone’ faces and raised hands made me understand how many people are curious about our community. Constantly titillated by mainstream images of kink, there was an enthusiasm behind every question that made me realize how disserved our community is by our own silence. Most are just playfully curious, but some are leather men and women at heart just waiting to learn more. Most would never look into it privately out of shame or fear, which is why these people need us. They need us to be open about our interests so they can begin to explore and understand their own.

Now I am going to finish with somewhat conflicting statements. First, I want to emphasize that this is just what I think. It is by no means grounded in statistical data, psychological studies, or anything like that. It is just a young man’s view of the world. But second, I want to emphasize that this is what I think, and that it’s based on my own experiences being out of the closet. I truly believe that the more leathermen who are out and proud about their interest, the better off the community is. Not just leather folk, but all the people whose lives we touch.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Whose that sexy, hunky cub?

Part 3

For another hour, I wore the loads of two men on my face, and tasted the remnants of three fat cocks in my mouth. I spent that time cruising for more men to use me, more men to make me their cocksucker. I cruised the upstairs. I cruised the downstairs. Finally, I found Him.

He was standing right next to me, actually. A large Brazillian man (I later learned), at least 6'3 and damn well built. He wore a army green tank and jeans and I had no idea what he was looking for. After cruising, he led the way to a stall and I followed. Once inside, it was very much the same as all the cocksucking I did all trip. Straight to my knees, mouth open, hands behind back. When he whipped out his cock I almost stuttered. It was thick and massive. And within seconds, it was testing the size of my mouth.

As soon as he stuffed that fat cock in my mouth, I was in heaven. He was one of those few people of whom my mouth was made for. It just fit perfectly. He was the roughest out of all of them. It was almost all face fucking, with only occasional breaks for me to work on his cock at my own pace. What's more, I was not, in the least bit comfortable. I was kneeling with hands behind me, arched backwards with my head against the wall. He was forcing me into this position, and I wasn't comfortable at all. But he got a great position to fuck my mouth in, and it was all about pleasing Him.

The facefucking was hot, and I loved every second of it, but it wasn't until I got too uncomfortable to continue in that position that the scene became INTENSE. I pushed him gently back and pulled my head up to say something (I need to move) and before I could complete the first word I found my mouth stuffed with cock again. All I could muster was a MPHH and I tried pushing harder. He slapped me and stuffed his cock all the way into the back of my throat. It was then I realized my comfort didn't matter. Maybe for the first time in my life, it really was ALL about Him. And for me, it was a personal challenge. I needed to push through the pain to be a good cocksucker, and damn it if I was going to give up.

He'd occasionally move me around, but after thirty minutes on concrete floor, my knees were aching and my back was in a lot of pain from all the contorting backwards and forwards. But that man needed his cock sucked, so I just pushed through it. No matter how much my body throbbed, no matter how many times I tried speaking up, he forcibly kept me on my knees, and forced me to shut the fuck up. Usually it was by stuffing his meat in my mouth, sometimes he just slapped me.

After about forty minutes total, something within me just sort of broke down. I stopped caring about the pain, about the choking, the gagging. I was just simply his whore and he was using me to his hearts content. In this state I existed only to suck his massive cock. Within minutes, I could feel him welling up, and he was starting to groan. I would almost always tell someone not in the mouth in this situation, but he clearly was going to do what he wanted. Sure enough, his grip on my head tightened in his powerful hands, and in moments he shot huge spurts of thick cum into my mouth and throat. I choked, I gagged, but he was relentless. He shot at least six spurts, and I swallowed EVERY drop. He held my mouth on his dick until he was satisfied with my cleaning. He zipped up, picked me up to my feet and we talked for a few mins.

I didn't cum once. I was there only to service men. And I left for an undying love for the Amsterdam Eagle. :-)

Part 2

After getting used once already, I didn't even consider going home. I knew my slut mouth could be used to please another dominant man in the dark bar. I went back and sat at the bar drinking for a bit (maybe 10 mins), before going back down into the dark to look. There was one muscular guy who I was into, but not sure if he was into me. He was a white, older, bearded macho fucker. At one point he passed me, made eye contact, and darted into a stall. That was all I needed.

I went in behind him and shut the door. He turned around and already his hard dick was out. I instantly got on my knees and sucked. Unlike his predecessor, this one was all about fucking my face. Within seconds he had a firm grip on my head and was thrusting his thick cock deep into my mouth. I sucked and licked...and choked. He seemed to love hearing me choke and gag, and made sure to hurt me with his cock just as much as he loved. Soon others were crowding into the stall (he didn't seem to mind).

They were egging him on, too, with taunts I couldn't understand. Still, I've been called a faggot and a cocksucker enough to know they were humiliating me for his benefit. This def fired him up a bit. His thrusts hurt just a little bit more, and when he choked me on his dick he held it for a few more seconds even as tears welled in my eyes. This is also when the slapping started. Unfortunately it was a bit lite for my taste. Still, nothing makes me feel more like a whore than when a man slaps me in the face before stuffing my mouth with cock.

And then, for reasons I don't know, he just stopped. He didn't cum. He just pulled out, slapped me one last time, and stuffed his cock back into his jeans. Then he was gone. It didn't take long for someone to take his place, and before I could get up or ask what happened my mouth was stuffed with an even bigger cock. I looked up and recognized my latest man to be a tall black man I'd seen throughout the club. He was big, but only half muscular. Still, he had a thick cock and knew how to use it. Whats more, when the other men stepped up to start using my mouth he pushed them back and said something which I took to mean "this is mine".

He didn't like it as rough. He was more like you. It was about him. And he expected me to worship Him like I was a cocksucker. And I did. I slobbered all over his cock. Sucking fast, slow, alternating, licking the duration of the shaft, feeling my drool run down my cheek as i continued to gorge myself on his massive dick. Out of all the men who used me that night, he lasted the shortest. After only about five mins of sucking he had me suck on his low hanging, hairy nuts which only lasted a few seconds before he shot a thick load all over my face.

I'm shamed to admit, I needed a short break after. Plus, none of the other men surrounding me were particularly hot. So after he left I got up. With two loads on my face, and the taste of three men in my mouth, I set out to find another man who could use me.

Sorry readers

It's been two weeks, and I am a bad blogger! To make it up I am going to post a story I wrote for a Dom about my experience at the Amsterdam Eagle. Its a three part story, and yes it is written to arouse more than it is to share. Still, all true.

Part 1

I got there and sat by the bar, and could tell right away it was different than U.S. Eagles. It was clearly all about cruising and hooking up. Which was perfect for me. I hadn't sucked any cock in almost two weeks and it was really starting to get to me. The bar was pretty slow, with mostly just a few older guys in there. Then this younger, light skinned black man walked in. He had long dreads wrapped up under a cap, and spotted me right away. I cruised him back and he went downstairs. I figured I would run into him eventually.

After my beer I got up and decided to take a walk around. There were two sections, upstairs and downstairs. Downstairs had a cruisy section that was dimly lit by red light. And then a dark room which was a labirynth of barely lit corridors and stalls. Walking towards the back room to see what it was, Dreads came out. I was about to pass but he physically stopped me. He looked at me and said I looked like a cocksucker. I just nodded. He reached down and groped his cock through his pants and said "You gonna suck this for me?". Again, I just nodded.

He pushed open the nearest stall and I followed him in. I was on my knees in a second, fondling the bulge in his pants. Within a min, his pants were open and my shirt was off. He had a nice cock. Def big, but could have been thicker. I went to town on it non-the less. I had had a few public scenes with relative strangers in the past, but this was different. This man saw a cocksucker, and decided to use it. There was no "You're adorable" or "You're so cute". It was "You're a cocksucker, and you're gonna suck this dick".

I was def going to town on his cock. I hadn't sucked in weeks, and I was so fucking hungry for it. You know I have trouble describing the WAY I was sucking. Really, you know by memory how I suck cock better than any way I could describe it. He liked it quick though. And every now and again he would grab my head and fuck my mouth. Usually wouldn't last too long, but as You can guess... i fucking loved every second of having my mouth fucked like a tight hole.

My hands were behind my back the entire time, until he asked me to start using my hands too. So I started stroking and sucking in tandem. At this rate, it didn't take too long. "Where you want this load, cocksucker?". I begged him to cum on my slut face. He obliged. Soon he was shooting a decent load all over my face, overshooting just a bit. As the last few drops fell onto my lips, I opened up and sucked it clean. Before I knew it, his pants were zipped and he was out the door.

This is part one. In part two, I suck off a bearded macho fucker before he passes me off to a large, bald black man. Part three, after that.

Visitting home

Home for a few days in good ole south Jersey. Mostly suburban, but parts can be fairly rural. There are some really perfect spots for a kidnapping scene. If only.... :-)

Rope Bondage Class

Well here is a bit of an update. Last Monday I taught a class on rope bondage for a local BDSM group called SIGMA. It started at the first Code (which you can read about just a few posts down), when one of the groups organizers saw my work on military Matt and Hollister. He got my email address from David and shot me a message asking if I was interested. Why not, right?

So for the next few weeks I would occasionally consider what exactly I wanted to teach them. It was pretty obvious for me that I wanted to take a "back to basics" approach. Pete said there had been classes on rope bondage before, but I really can not emphasize enough how important basics are to rope bondage. By mastering a few really basic ties (two column, single column) and knots (square, larks head), you can really start to use your imagination when it comes to position. But really, even more than mastering the basics (as I would tell the class), is having the right mindset for rope bondage. All it takes to be good at rope bondage is a desire to be good at rope bondage. If you have an intentionality in every tie you do, the rest will happen on its own. It's only when people try to rush things or figure them out as they go that the bondage becomes sloppy and ineffective. So, with this approach, I decided to ground the class on the hogtie. It was only about 75 mins long, so I didn't want to try anything too ambitions. Sure enough, the class really needed to take things slowly, so it was best I kept my goals modest.

I showed up and everyone was already there (save a few stragglers), and I was still nervous. I had been anxious for a few days over teaching the class. Mostly just in terms of effectively structuring the class, giving them useful information, the right amount of information, etc... As I set up, they went over SIGMA announcements and then Pete introduced me. While we were dispersing rope, I talked a bit about myself and my experiences/thoughts on rope bondage. I also emphasized that I am NOT AN EXPERT, and still have a lot to learn. Which actually made me a perfect teacher in many ways. I was an example of someone who could do pretty decent bondage without knowing a lot of elaborate technique. If I could do it, so could they. Then I took the class step by step over the positions and techniques involved in a basic hogtie. With fifteen mins left in class, their challenge was to effectively hogtie their partners (they had paired up) without them escaping. If the partner escaped it would teach you where you needed to improve.

I think everyone had a really good time, and I got to see my old friend Brian from the NYBC which was really nice.

Afterwards, Pete sent me this message:

Hi guy.

I hope last night's class did not take too much out of your studying time. I stayed around awhile talking to some of the attendees and without exception all were very pleased with what they got to do and YOU as a presenter.
For my part, I would like to thank you for your presentation and making all the guys feel good about what they were doing/ how well they were doing it.

Thanks again for making the class a success.

Pete

I'm feeling pretty good about the whole thing :-).

Nothing new

Sorry, readers. I'm afraid there just has not been anything particularly new to post. Don't think I'm neglecting you. This is just a very reactionary blog in a lot of ways. Will be posting something soon hopefully.

A good summary

So recently I started talking to an old friend (who I dated for a month my freshman year) and we quickly got onto the topic of his curiosity in Domination and submission. For him it has always been a part of his sexuality, but that's the extent. Asking me about how it has played out in my life, I volunteered to send him an email that summed it up. I was so pleased with the way that it turned out that I figured it would make a great blog post.

Sir,
Submission has been a complete journey for me. It all started with bondage, admittedly. When I was eleven I was jerking off thinking about being bound and gagged, and over time that evolved. In my mid teens I started experimenting with BDSM more and began to appreciate bondage in conjunction with other things (light SM, humiliation, sex, etc…). After I moved to DC, my desire to explore these other areas (and my ability to find partners to experiment with) rose quickly. By the time I was twenty, I had been tied up more times than I could count, had been sexually humiliated and objectified, and had thoroughly indulged some of my biggest fetishes (mostly sniffing dirty socks/jocks, breath play, water sports, gear, groups, etc…).

Despite all this, it wasn’t until January 2008 (I was twenty), that I really started to explore what it means to submit. Don’t get me wrong; I had already experimented with following orders, houseboying, etc… But that’s not what real submission is about. It started when I met David. I was moving to NYC in the summer and had been looking for leathermen in the area to get to know before I moved. I found David online and we clicked right away. The first night we talked on the phone, we talked for about three hours and I opened up to him quite a lot. In a months time, I had experienced submission in a way I never had. In just a matter of weeks, David had exerted an external authority on my entire life that gave me an incredible satisfaction I had never felt.

Under David’s suggestion/order, I had a 2:00am bedtime every night except Friday and Saturday, and 10:00 wake up time. This meant at 2:00am it was lights out, ass in bed, and at 10:00 I was awake and out of bed. I also had academic standards to meet. I was not allowed to skip class, and could not receive a grade lower than B- on a single assignment or overall grade. My diet also changed slightly. David introduced healthier (more grown-up) options into my life that replaced things like the breads I ate (all whole-grain now), the cereals I ate (no more trix), the amount of vegetables I ate, etc…

Now, as I said, this gave me an extreme sense of satisfaction and happiness that I had never felt. Note that nothing about this is cruel, or mean, or commanding in the way people typically view bdsm. Quite the contrary, David as a figure of authority in my life, was exceptionally nurturing. This aspect of our relationship dealt with the structure a Dominant man (a Sir) can give a submissive boy. Also note the mutuality of it. David got the pleasure of nurturing and structuring a boy, and I got structure to help me achieve my goals and be successful. In a sense, this aspect of a Dom/sub relationship is where the rules are inserted. For us these rules were never sexual, but that is quite particular to us. Many Dom/sub pairs have rules that involve sex, daily dress, regular chores, etc… It is all about the specific needs and desires of the individuals.

There is another aspect submission that played out after I moved to NYC into his apartment. Now I should note that about a month before this happen, something happened to David. I don’t really know what, to be honest, but he got scared. He started changing, and was there for me much less, and much less involved with making sure I stayed on task. I think he got scared when he realized I would be moving in with him in just a month. So at that point he told me I couldn’t live with him, but that I could stay with him for a few weeks until I found a place.
Still, after I moved there, we experienced the more daily manifestation of roles within our relationship. This was manifested in a lot of ways that met both our desires and needs. One example is in the shared activities couples do everyday, like eating dinner. Whenever we ate, David would be the decider in everything: what type of food, the specific restaurant, and even what I ate and drank. Now at first this seems overbearing, but with all Dominance and submission, it’s all about subtlety. First: David knew me pretty well. So he was capable of making decisions about the foods I would like, and the foods he thought I should try, based on how well he knew me. Second: he would ask for my opinion or preference when he wanted it. Not that I wasn’t allowed to state my preference, its just that I preferred him to be the decider. I would even disagree with him sometimes about what/where we ate. But in the end, I respected that he was the desire.

Which leads me to another point about submission. Like any couple, there are bound to be disagreements. And from a boy’s perspective, I need a man who will listen to what I have to say and treat me and my thoughts/feelings with respect. But, as a boy, I also trust the Sir I am with to make the best decision for both of us, even when I may disagree. So even though, so far, I have made a point to emphasize the mutuality of everything, there are times when Sir’s word is the law and I have to respect and obey.

Another aspect of this involves discipline. No one is perfect. So when Sir sets rules like the ones I mentioned earlier, sometimes I am going to break them (whether on intentionally or not). And when that happens, I submit (by entering this relationship) to a punishment that meets the crime. This, like many things, very much depends on the individual(s). For David and I, punishments ranged in variety from a good talking to, time out to reflect on my mistakes, to a hard over-the-knee spanking (in addition to a good talking to). Afterwards, it was always important to take me in his arms (sometimes while I cried, sobbed, and shook), and tell me that he forgave me and that he cares about me a lot.

I suppose the last area I want to cover is the roles that you both take quite naturally in the evolution of the relationship. For me, these roles have generally taken on traditional gender roles. For example, when I am with a Man; I clean for Him, cook for Him (though usually we cook together or take turns), run errands, and generally keep a submissive and ready-to-please attitude when I’m in the home. Furthermore, I am very much responsible for his emotional caretaking. And in turn, he’s responsible for mine. In contrast to me, however; He frequently pays, makes the decisions around the house, and expects me to satisfy Him sexually (which in turn satisfies me).

I hope this has given you a general overview of how submission plays out in my life. It is, more than anything, about trust and unbridled communication. I am always open to ANY questions you might have. And if you have the liberty (I am assuming your internet use is monitored), you should check out my blog sometime, which is ALL about my experiences as a submissive boy and begins a few months after things ended with David.

ben

boy's uniform

As I have indicated in a past update, I have weekly training sessions with Sir Larry. On days when I meet up with him, I wear what he has defined as my boy's uniform. When he first described this a year or two ago, I would wear it just to meet up with him. Lately, however, I put it on first thing in the morning on the days we meet. I enjoy the feeling of wearing it during my daily labors; class, studying, work, etc... It gives me a feeling of correctness, or rightness.

My boy uniform consists of:
One pair running sneakers
One pair white ankle socks
One pair dark blue jeans
One pair white briefs
One white tee shirt
One black leather belt (he likes my studded one)

It may not be what you idealize. I know, especially, the substitution of sneakers for boots will make some of your old guard leather types turn up your noses a bit. But this uniform works for me, and it pleases him. And I am more than happy to wear it.

Code

So a month or so ago a friend of mine (and Sir Larry's partner) told me he was producing a new monthly gear party in DC and was hoping I would be able to help him out on the night of the party. Being that I am helpful, kinky, and submissive; I told him I would be delighted to. He described what he had envisioned for the environment, which consisted of boys bound and gagged in gear littered throughout the premises, and asked if I would be interested in getting tied. I love being kept bound and gagged in public, so I told him I would be happy to. Being that I am one of few rope tops in DC though, I told him I would be happy to tie others just as much. Eventually, David told me he would love it if I could tie up a tall, muscular military man and a twenty year old muscle boy. I was happy to oblige. Well, I have to admit there was some hesitation, but we will get to that when it comes.

Come Saturday, I arrived at the bar around 11:15 to find that the place was already mobbed. I was shocked at how packed the bar was, and soon found it was my responsibility to lure people into another, less crowded room with my first demo. Now I had never done a public rope demo before, so I have to admit I was a bit nervous. I'm definitely a damn good rope top (especially for my age), but I still have A LOT to learn. Plus, there is a certain maturity and responsibility involved with heavy rope bondage that I think I need to develop. Still, I had a job to do and I was ready to do it.

Now I had already spoken with military man (Matt), and I could tell he was nervous. Not only was this his first time being tied in public, but David had forgotten to pack a hood so his head was not going to be completely covered. Still, we had played before and he trusted me (and my skill). As per David's request, I put him in a hogtie that was quite restrictive, but not immobilizing (after all, I wanted him to struggle for entertainment). The nice thing about Matt is that he LOVES to struggle, and put on a great show in his desperate efforts to escape. I could tell the crowd was loving it. In fact, at one point in the demo, when I was on top of Matt and wrapping several layers of duct tape around his head, I heard an audience member suddenly yell out "OH FUCK!". I turned and saw him with his mouth open, in lusty wonder at the vision I had provided. Could you blame him? I was rock hard too!

After this, Matt struggled for about an hour while I kept an eye on him, talked to the crowd, and hung out with some of my friends. After I untied him, I was coiling my rope when David approached me with a young muscular blond boy in a singlet. He introduced us and told me that Hollister (ugh, his rather appalling porn name), was my next victim. I quickly discovered that Hollister didn't really have much of an interest in BDSM (or any idea what was really going on). This was somewhat difficult since David had asked me to play with him (unlike Matt who I just bound and gagged) without giving any specific instructions. So with little "Domming" experience, minor instruction, and no feedback from "Hollister" (not too mention the confines of a public space); I went into the scene with trepidation. I mean what could I do? There was no sex allowed, and Hollister couldn't handle a prolonged or even mildly intense SM scene.

So what did I do? Well, not much. I tied him as you could see and anchored him to the ceiling so he had limited (but strugglable) maneuverability. After that I just sort of kept alternating between the same basic acts. I'd make out with him, play with his nipples, play with his balls, spank him, and stroke his cock. I mean I interspersed twisting nipples/biting, bare assed spanking and over singlet spanking; but really it was pretty basic. For most of the crowd (and yes there was a crowd), it was more about watching two young hot boys in singlets fool around with rope.

By the time I untied Hollister, it was pretty late and a lot of the crowd had disappeared (including most of my friends), so I didn't really get to have much casual fun. Still, I got to tie up two hot guys and had a hard on for most of the evening, so I guess I can't really complain.

For more pics and info from code, check out there website http://www.codedc.com/

The human footstool

Last night I went to Sir Larry's as part of my weekly training schedule. There will be more on this to come, but for now I just want to discuss a specific service I provided last night. After we had fooled around and He came, he took me to the living room and ordered me on all fours. He took a seat on the couch, turned on the BBC, and used me as a human foot stool for about twenty to thirty mins.

This was the first time this has ever really happened to me, and I have to admit, I rather enjoyed it. For anyone who has ever read Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, you'll be familiar with his assertion that technology combined with the fast pace of modern human life leaves us almost no time to just think. To stop trying to engage and just think. Last night, on all fours with Sir's sneaker tied to my face and his feet resting on my back, there was a meditation-like quality to the experience. Whats more, there was a certain privacy I felt down on the floor. Maybe a privacy of thought. In many ways, I was in my own little world. And even more than my own room, or bed...I felt very much like I was in my own private space in the world.

Of course, I can't discount the feeling of the situation itself. Being a human footstool gives the tiniest twinge of humiliation, with the soft contentment of servitude. I was naked on all fours, objectified for the man I serve. It was exhilarating, for sure, and my cock remained full (though not stiff) the entire time. But it was these feelings of servile contentment coupled with the privacy of my own thoughts within that position that truly made the experience worthwhile for me as a boy.

I very much hope for this form of servitude to be a regular part of my training.

IT'S FINALLY SEPTEMBER!

UGH!

As mentioned in my previous post, August is just the worst. But now that September has finally come around (bringing in tow BEAUTIFUL weather), I have the vim and vigor to finally start writing again (not to mention the time, energy, and experience). I'm into my second week of classes, all my residents have moved in, and things are finally starting to settle down. So you can all expect several posts a week again, starting today!

I figured I would kick off my return to blogging in a very similar way that I first started: education. Recently, the AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT) released a booklet detailing safe methods of practicing BDSM. Most of you will probably have seen this by now, but I think it's important to post anyway (especially for those who have not read it yet). Not only does it describe methods of protecting yourself from STI's such as HIV/AIDS and Hep C, but the booklet also details safe methods of play in addition to general information we should all know about BDSM. It's called "BDSM, Safer Kinky Sex" and since I don't know how to attach it as a file, you can read it here.

It really is worth taking the time to read, even for those of you/us who think you/we know everything.

The thing about August

August sucks. My life gets put on hold for about three weeks during RA training and new student move in. Posts will resume towards the end of August.

Home :-(

Sorry, no updates to be had really. Just staying with the fam for a week before I head back to school. It isn't all a loss though. After all, married suburban men need their cocks sucked too. :-)

Barcelona part 1!

Spain in general, and Barcelona in specific was my favorite place in the whole trip! We ended up going to Barcelona, Valencia, and then back to Barcelona. So these pics were from the first visit!


AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I ate a shit-ton of paella in Spain.

Oh the possibilities.
WHOA!
More paella.

Interlaken!

Interlaken was MAGNIFICENT! We actually went there before Marseilles but I accidentally skipped it. Anyway, we were actually reminiscing on the plane ride home and both agreed that while Barcelona was our favorite city, we had the best time in Interlaken. The people in our dorm were incredibly fun, our roomates were great, we loved our hostel, the city was adorable, the mountains were breathtaking, the weather was beautiful...it was all just perfect.

One of the first things we did was go to this pool before we could check in to our hotel and thats TOTALLY ME ABOUT TO JUMP!
Gratuitous ass shot
ABOUT TO PARAGLIDE! I had such a huge crush on my instructor...
Our first meal in Switzerland was Hooters Interlaken
I hiked ALL THE WAY UP to where I am from that town.
And I was ready to die.

AIDS Walk DC

On Saturday, October 3rd, I will join thousands of other people in the 23rd annual AIDS Walk Washington. This event is a 5K fundraising walk and timed run, benefiting and produced by Whitman-Walker Clinic. I am doing the walk, with a large group of my friends and fellow students, and would really appreciate your support.

My fundraising goal is $500, and I kicked things off with a $15 donation. For me, this is all about giving what you can. The lowest amount you can donate is $5, but even that would be greatly appreciated. I'm giving what I can: my time, my ruggedly sexy legs (hehe), and a small donation. All I am asking is for you to give whatever you can.

Click here to visit my page and support me.

If you donate, not only will you be supporting me, but your money will be going to Washington DC's Whitman Walker Clinic. Whitman-Walker Clinic is a nonprofit, community-based organization founded in 1973 that provides affordable, accessible and high-quality health services to the Washington metropolitan area. With the advent of the AIDS epidemic, the Clinic became a leader in the fight against HIV/AIDS. In addition to medical care, the Clinic’s services include HIV testing and counseling, addiction services, a day treatment center, mental health programs, legal services and an at-cost pharmacy providing HIV medication. You can find out more about the Clinic at www.wwc.org.

Your contribution will help Whitman-Walker Clinic provide critical services to those living with HIV/AIDS. Every dollar brings hope and provides needed care. Please visit my personal fundraising website to make a secure online donation. You can also print a donation form at my website if you prefer to mail your donation. Checks should be made payable to AIDS Walk Washington and mailed to PO Box 73768, Washington DC 20056-3768. All contributions are 100 percent tax deductible.

Again, I want to thank all of you for taking the time to read this. And a special thanks to those of you who take the time to visit my page. Thank you all for your support and generosity.

Ben

Be careful what you wish for

Ok, this is going to be a quick one.

One of my greatest pet peeves on this Earth has happened to me three times in the past twenty four hours, and frankly I just need to rant a bit.

There is nothing I hate more than when you politely decline someone's sexual advance and they demand to know why. Last night at the New York Bondage Club I received an offer and told him "Oh that's very kind of you, but no thanks". And as soon as I said it, he immediately asked me why not. This is such a perplexing question to me. Honestly, why do people want to be told in great detail why their offer of sex isn't desired. After asking me why once I continued to joke with him and be light hearted without saying anything. He then asked what my type was and I told him. He was like, "well that's me, except I'm not dark featured. Oh, so just because I don't have pigment, we aren't going to play?". NO. That isn't why. And if you keep asking me, I am going to give you the answer you are so desperately searching for.

I just got another one of these on recon. A man invited me to fly across the country to stay with him for a few days and get roped up. His pictures (of ropework) were impressive, but he had no posted pictures of himself, nor did he offer any up. As usual with recon requests, I replied "Thank you very much. Your ropework is very impressive, but I'm going to have to decline. Best of luck to you". His response, "May I ask why?". Mine, "Because I'm not interested". Him: "Age? Obviously you like what I like".

This is when it became clear he wanted to know why I wasn't interested. So I told him, in no shortage of words. And no, it had nothing to do with his age. Suffice to say he did not care for my answer.

So that is sort of my position on the matter. There is no reason I would ever be rude to someone who polity offered to tie me, or get tied, or host me. And if they press their luck, I'll still be perfectly respectful. But if they keep pressing me I am going to just give them exactly what they want.

Marseilles and Montpellier

So: Marseilles is a dump. Period. We left two days early because it was just a dump. The one redeeming quality was the rock beaches. And even they, beautiful as they were, roughed me up pretty badly.






Montpellier on the other hand was quite beautiful! We were forced to stop there on our way to Barcelona, and I was quite happy we were.




MOST DELICIOUS CIDER EVER!

Obeying

About twenty minutes ago I messaged a Sir who may soon be training me full time to ask him how his day was, what his plans were, if there was anything I could do for him, etc...

His reply was simple, "Yeah, take off your underwear and shove them in your mouth". He then said he was signing off and that I may take them out in an hour.

And now I am sitting here, with my dirty briefs stuffed in my mouth, held in with duct tape. And I'm doing this for no other reason than I was told to, and that it pleases Him.

ROMA!!!

Rome was incredibly beautiful. Out of all the places we went to, Rome's history was so present everywhere you turned. Also, the food was incredible. I was eating gelatto twice a day, every day.

Why boys need Daddies

Here is more proof (if any was needed) that boys need men to take care of them. Because sometimes... they don't put on sun screen even when they know they should.

Ow. :-(

Munich!

Unfortunately it rained for most of our stay in Munich. Still, we had a great time and what we did get to see was quite beautiful.

Beautiful views from the top of this church.

There will be more of these to come ^ _ ^.

A typical Bavarian meal consists of a LOT OF MEAT! But lets face it, I am no stranger to large amounts of meat.

About to eat.

So as I said, it rained a lot. We had packed one dinky umbrella. When we got to Munich we found an abandoned umbrella at the train station and took it with us. When we left, we put it back where we found it.


I could have sworn that said "raunchen". And raunchen, as you can see, is strictly verboten.

Brussels and Amsterdam!

More pics! Brussels was one of the least interesting places I have ever been hahaha. But hey, fries and waffle were delicious. Not to mention we went to a beer brewery where I had my first beer EVER! Damn was Brussels tiny though.

AMSTERDAM WAS AMAZING! The city was beautiful, charming, and so liberal. Not to mention, I ended up sucking four thick cocks at the Eagle on one of my nights.

Swooooon

This will be a quick one, gents. And not very kinky. More just an example of how amazing flirting can be.

Last night I had dinner at a very small and unpopulated restaurant right around the corner from my hostel in Rome. We were heading towards the train station, so we just needed to grab a deal meal on the way. What I got was a whole lot of hunky Egyptian.

His name was Hamad, and he was unspeakably charming. He was out waiter, a fact I was instantly excited about. Now everyone loves eye candy, and I was perfectly content to leave it at that. But maybe he wasn't. He relaxed against a wall (there were no other customers) and chatted with us as we waited for our food. A wait I did not mind in the least.

Eventually he started to teach us some Italian, coming to the word for "fine/good": ben. As many of you have probably already realized, that is my name. I told him this, chuckling and he just smiled at me. He looked up, as if contemplating for a second, and then looked back at me. He winked, and said "Ben.... fine". SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON. Now this guy had charm (the way all sleazy Italian men do (despite his being Egyptian)).

Soon after he ran to get our food and left in peace as we ate our dinner. Clearly I had fallen, and my travel mate was becoming increasingly frustrated at my dewey-eyed behavior. She said it was just cheap, sleazy, charm; and that it didn't mean anything. Fair enough. I focussed my attention back onto dinner.

That is, until my travel mate ran to the bathroom. Within minutes, Hamad came over to clear her plate. He bent down...inches from my face...winked, blew me a tiny kiss, and said "Ben... fine". SWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He took her plate away, leaving me breathless and with SERIOUS butterflies in my stomach! She eventually returned and I took my turn to go to the bathroom. On my way, guess who I ran into. Ugh... he looked at me intensely and asked if I had liked everything. To which I replied in the extreme affirmative heh.

As we left, my friend reminded me (near-constantly) that he was just a cheap, sleazy, charmer. But what the fuck did I care? Would I ever see him again? No. Was he even gay or interested in me? Probably not. Was he just working me for a tip? Almost definitely. And what's wrong with that? I had a great time reliving all those swooning moments that I probably haven't felt since high school. I paid, thanked him, let our eyes linger into eachothers' for just another moment, and finally left (leaving him, of course, a VERY generous tip). Fuck, he earned it!

Btw, you should all know I am writing this while on another overnight train. This time from Rome to Interlaken. There was a muscular stocky italian guy (though not particularly good looking) whose sneakers I was eyeballing the second he walked in. Tragically though, they remain up on his bunk.

You can't win them all.

Midnight Sneak Train

So this is going to be a short one. Last night I was on a midnight sleeper train from Munich to Rome. My travel mate and I were sharing a car with four others. The two on the top bunks were an older german couple. On the bottom bunk was friend and I. On the middle bunks were these two straight guys. Early twenties. College roomates. Not particularly hot. But I really get off on the "average straight guy" thing. Don't ask. hahah

So the first thing I noticed was that both of them were wearing fairly large shoes. Hot. As it got later, everyone went to bed and of course kicked their shoes off and stuffed their socks in them (onto the floor). Since my bunk was very close to the floor, it was not difficult for me to swipe.

As everyone else drifted off, I stayed up. Laying on my stomach, I realized that I could curl the shoe up close to my face without anyone noticing (there were no lights so visibility was limited anyway). Furthermore, if I just humped the bed ever so subtly, no one would notice even if they woke up. With my plan ready, I sprung into action.

I grabbed a sock from my bag and wrapped it over my cock head very casually (people would think I was just adjusting my package), so when I shot it wouldn't make a huge mess in my briefs. I laid back down on my stomach and waited till my friend fell asleep. Once she did, I quickly and silently reached over and grabbed one of Daniel's sneakers from off the floor. I took the sock out and stuffed it in my mouth before lying his sneak on the bed next to my face. I laid down and pressed my nose into it.

His sock tasted of acrid sweat, and I was in pure ecstasy. Not to mention, it was clear he had done a lot of walking in his sneaks. They smelled PERFECT! Exactly what a young, dumb straight guy's sweaty sneaks are supposed to smell like. In this state, I humped my bed for only a minute or two before shooting a huge load. When I thought the coast was clear, I stuffed the sock back in his shoe and set it down gingerly next to it's match.

Feeling quite content, I laid down and fell asleep. Not bad, huh?