So recently I started talking to an old friend (who I dated for a month my freshman year) and we quickly got onto the topic of his curiosity in Domination and submission. For him it has always been a part of his sexuality, but that's the extent. Asking me about how it has played out in my life, I volunteered to send him an email that summed it up. I was so pleased with the way that it turned out that I figured it would make a great blog post.
Sir,
Submission has been a complete journey for me. It all started with bondage, admittedly. When I was eleven I was jerking off thinking about being bound and gagged, and over time that evolved. In my mid teens I started experimenting with BDSM more and began to appreciate bondage in conjunction with other things (light SM, humiliation, sex, etc…). After I moved to DC, my desire to explore these other areas (and my ability to find partners to experiment with) rose quickly. By the time I was twenty, I had been tied up more times than I could count, had been sexually humiliated and objectified, and had thoroughly indulged some of my biggest fetishes (mostly sniffing dirty socks/jocks, breath play, water sports, gear, groups, etc…).
Despite all this, it wasn’t until January 2008 (I was twenty), that I really started to explore what it means to submit. Don’t get me wrong; I had already experimented with following orders, houseboying, etc… But that’s not what real submission is about. It started when I met David. I was moving to NYC in the summer and had been looking for leathermen in the area to get to know before I moved. I found David online and we clicked right away. The first night we talked on the phone, we talked for about three hours and I opened up to him quite a lot. In a months time, I had experienced submission in a way I never had. In just a matter of weeks, David had exerted an external authority on my entire life that gave me an incredible satisfaction I had never felt.
Under David’s suggestion/order, I had a 2:00am bedtime every night except Friday and Saturday, and 10:00 wake up time. This meant at 2:00am it was lights out, ass in bed, and at 10:00 I was awake and out of bed. I also had academic standards to meet. I was not allowed to skip class, and could not receive a grade lower than B- on a single assignment or overall grade. My diet also changed slightly. David introduced healthier (more grown-up) options into my life that replaced things like the breads I ate (all whole-grain now), the cereals I ate (no more trix), the amount of vegetables I ate, etc…
Now, as I said, this gave me an extreme sense of satisfaction and happiness that I had never felt. Note that nothing about this is cruel, or mean, or commanding in the way people typically view bdsm. Quite the contrary, David as a figure of authority in my life, was exceptionally nurturing. This aspect of our relationship dealt with the structure a Dominant man (a Sir) can give a submissive boy. Also note the mutuality of it. David got the pleasure of nurturing and structuring a boy, and I got structure to help me achieve my goals and be successful. In a sense, this aspect of a Dom/sub relationship is where the rules are inserted. For us these rules were never sexual, but that is quite particular to us. Many Dom/sub pairs have rules that involve sex, daily dress, regular chores, etc… It is all about the specific needs and desires of the individuals.
There is another aspect submission that played out after I moved to NYC into his apartment. Now I should note that about a month before this happen, something happened to David. I don’t really know what, to be honest, but he got scared. He started changing, and was there for me much less, and much less involved with making sure I stayed on task. I think he got scared when he realized I would be moving in with him in just a month. So at that point he told me I couldn’t live with him, but that I could stay with him for a few weeks until I found a place.
Still, after I moved there, we experienced the more daily manifestation of roles within our relationship. This was manifested in a lot of ways that met both our desires and needs. One example is in the shared activities couples do everyday, like eating dinner. Whenever we ate, David would be the decider in everything: what type of food, the specific restaurant, and even what I ate and drank. Now at first this seems overbearing, but with all Dominance and submission, it’s all about subtlety. First: David knew me pretty well. So he was capable of making decisions about the foods I would like, and the foods he thought I should try, based on how well he knew me. Second: he would ask for my opinion or preference when he wanted it. Not that I wasn’t allowed to state my preference, its just that I preferred him to be the decider. I would even disagree with him sometimes about what/where we ate. But in the end, I respected that he was the desire.
Which leads me to another point about submission. Like any couple, there are bound to be disagreements. And from a boy’s perspective, I need a man who will listen to what I have to say and treat me and my thoughts/feelings with respect. But, as a boy, I also trust the Sir I am with to make the best decision for both of us, even when I may disagree. So even though, so far, I have made a point to emphasize the mutuality of everything, there are times when Sir’s word is the law and I have to respect and obey.
Another aspect of this involves discipline. No one is perfect. So when Sir sets rules like the ones I mentioned earlier, sometimes I am going to break them (whether on intentionally or not). And when that happens, I submit (by entering this relationship) to a punishment that meets the crime. This, like many things, very much depends on the individual(s). For David and I, punishments ranged in variety from a good talking to, time out to reflect on my mistakes, to a hard over-the-knee spanking (in addition to a good talking to). Afterwards, it was always important to take me in his arms (sometimes while I cried, sobbed, and shook), and tell me that he forgave me and that he cares about me a lot.
I suppose the last area I want to cover is the roles that you both take quite naturally in the evolution of the relationship. For me, these roles have generally taken on traditional gender roles. For example, when I am with a Man; I clean for Him, cook for Him (though usually we cook together or take turns), run errands, and generally keep a submissive and ready-to-please attitude when I’m in the home. Furthermore, I am very much responsible for his emotional caretaking. And in turn, he’s responsible for mine. In contrast to me, however; He frequently pays, makes the decisions around the house, and expects me to satisfy Him sexually (which in turn satisfies me).
I hope this has given you a general overview of how submission plays out in my life. It is, more than anything, about trust and unbridled communication. I am always open to ANY questions you might have. And if you have the liberty (I am assuming your internet use is monitored), you should check out my blog sometime, which is ALL about my experiences as a submissive boy and begins a few months after things ended with David.
ben
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
This is one of the most intelligently written and honest accounts of a true Dom/sub relationship I've ever come across. Most people will overstate the sexual side and, while that's important, you can't live in a playroom/dungeon 24/7 - there are times when you have to do laundry, vacuum the carpet, pay the electricity bill and poach an egg ... If the mundane, ordinary things in life aren't also carried out in the way you describe, then the whole relationship is out of balance.
It's odd to note that most of the rules/restrictions placed on you by David, are the same ones I placed on my own boy ... except his bedtime - he has earlier classes!
Sounds like you know how to raise a boy;-) hehe.
Ben, it is in the simple things that life is experienced on it's deepest level. There is a spiritual connection present too, something that is often overlooked. More than just ritual or rite of passage. it involves the paternal nature of a Man like David and the heart of a 100% boy like yourself coming together. When the reality of responsibility for you overwhelmed him, he reacted. But He raised you right. Be grateful for such a solid foundation and a good first encounter. Take pride in your accomplishments, they are legion. But always remember: it was a Man who stood behind you to push, and ahead of you to lead. Men will come in and out of your life. And no doubt you'll learn/grow from each encounter.
You've always impressed Me. It appears you have a story to tell, even as it's still unfolding.
RJ in NJ
and I have to agree with Strayf: I've always insisted on lights out long before 2am.
I have to agree with Strayf and R - this is the absolutely foundation fo what real submission and Dominance is.
The sexual part is a significant part of it but it is the other areas where the real aspects of the dynamic plays itself out and where both parties get the real satisfaction of the relationship.
Awesome email Ben - your writing is excellent.
From my experience as a boy I would say the whole experience can be spiritually liberating in a great way.
What did irritate me is that many doms resent the boy, as he really can control the whole situation to a large degree. Probably because the boy was more mature than the dom.
Great writing little dude. Most enjoyable for you... ;)
Doug.....los angeles
interesting point doug. some boys are more mature than the dom they serve and obviously it doesn't last long. I like to give a boy a sense that he is respectfully listened to, but My wisdom and maturity, along with the aquired skills, are better equipped to shape and mold the boy. It's that paternal element that is often missing. A boy is property. I treat my property with respect. If I'm going to invest my time/energy into the boy I'm not going to treat him like shit. Too often boys are conditioned to see themselves as worthless, usually as a result of inadequate training at the hands of an incompetent Master.
Though I've not met Ben, I like his style.
Post a Comment