...a discipline daddy.

Despite my youth, I have always felt my interests were pretty concrete (especially recently). Excluding the occasional stray fantasy, my interests have been fairly consistent over my years of exploration. I thought I learned rather quickly what I like and dislike. So much so, in fact, that I doubted the likelihood of ever being with a man who didn't share my rather specific interests. Part of it is, of course, the folly of youth. However, I also think it stems from how our internet profiles compel us to define and itemize our sexuality. After a while, you just begin to categorize things as likes or dislikes.

For example, I never "liked" discipline. From my perspective, discipline was synonymous with pain. Worse; discipline was nothing but pain. From the few dealings I had with pain and SM, I was fairly certain I wasn't interested in the subject.

It wasn't until I fell in love with Daddy that my understanding began to develop. My education began with our own organic dynamic. In many ways he is naturally a Daddy like figure: compassionate, reassuring, stern, and hard working. The more we saw one another, the more I wanted his help in possessing those traits. And what better way to inspire a boy than with a little tough love?

I remember the first time Daddy showed me a really good discipline video. The young man in the video had recently been bailed out of jail by the film's proprietor. The two had worked together regularly in the past on videos, and the Daddy was clearly very upset with the situation. During the process of an over-the-knee spanking, I was lucky enough to witness something very intense and very real. Both parties were obviously very upset, and I could tell what I saw was really happening for them. Not only was I enthralled, but I was also rock-hard.

I think that's when I started pestering Daddy to have a spanking boy over. We had both kept our online profiles while dating, and I encouraged him to start looking for a boy to discipline in front of me. He eventually had one come over, and their exchange was incredibly erotic. While I wasn't allowed to see, hearing their interaction had me drooling over Daddy. The boy's confession of laziness and sloth, and Daddy's firm demands that he work harder and sort out his shit. When the boy eventually left, the first thing I did was tell Daddy how incredible he is.

Then, about two months ago, I was lucky enough to receive my own behavioral standards. After much begging on my part, Daddy sorted out a schedule of chores for me. It's posted right on the fridge.

As you can see, he keeps me pretty busy. I'm usually pretty great at staying on top of things, and Daddy is pretty good at allowing for extenuating circumstances. However, I haven't been a perfectly good boy. Whether due to laziness or a desire to test Daddy's buttons, I have missed tasks. Usually I get off with a chuckle and a verbal warning, but on one occasion I was put over Daddy's lap. It wasn't "fun", in the traditional sense of the word. Ok, well it wasn't fun in any sense of the word. However, it was... I'm not sure exactly. Hot? Enjoyable? Kinky? I guess not any of those, really. No, it was intense. Intense, emotional, and very intimate. I was kicking and sobbing the whole time, but afterwards I was very grateful for the experience.

Now, I find that my greatest challenge is craving discipline while not wanting to disappoint Daddy. Wish me luck.

Daddy Says:
[I've stayed out of this one, and for good reason: Ben's post this week is an internal monologue describing a transformation he's experienced.  While I played a part in effecting that experience, I can't (and therefore won't force) a commentary over it.  His experiences and interpretations are his own and they do a great job of untangling the mixed, volatile, and as he said, intense feelings many boys associate with being disciplined by the man they answer to.  So, instead of a running commentary, I'll post a response from my perspective in the next few days. -A. ]