Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
The Busy Life of Ben in Leather Land
Sorry about yet another late post. I think the idea of trying to post every Monday has been an incredibly useful and successful strategy. Setting goals is always helpful. Unfortunately, sometimes it isn't always feasible for me to post every Monday. Which brings me to the theme of this entry into what has quickly become the closest thing I have to a journal: my new schedule.
No one said being a full time student, living in Manhattan, paying rent out of pocket would be easy. Which is good, because if anyone ever told me that I would probably kick them square in the taco. Without going into too much detail, my parents are unable to help me at all with my school or living expenses. I am completely independant, which I think is pretty healthy for a twenty three year old. Still, I would be lying if I said this whole experience isn't already a big financial drain. Paying for rent, food, and the occasional bought of not-free fun while paying for tuition without much financial aid...well, I'm kind of struggling.
I'm no stranger to penny to penny living, or juggling a lot of responsibility. Hell, even at AU (where I was paying for everything with loans/aid), I never had less than three jobs. But right now I'm going into one of the most make-it-or-break-it stages of my life. I have class four days a week, and work at Nasty Pig the other three. I'm still at the Bondage Club every Sunday night, and I've started go-go'ing more than I had before (usually one or two gigs a week). Before everything had been scheduled, I was really hoping to keep one "day off" from everything per week. But given all the circumstances I've highlighted, it just wasn't in the cards. With everything combined, I am scraping by (BARELY). Plus, I still am trying to fit SOME shred of a social life in there somewhere.
Given all of this, I really am going to have to treat my Monday blog-deadline as a goal rather than a hard and fast deadline. I dance a lot on Sunday nights and work Monday at noon, so don't have the energy/time to do it in the morning. I go spend time with friends (and Phil) a lot after work. It just doesn't leave much time.
Despite all this, keeping this blog active means a lot to me, and I am going to do my damnest to fit it in to my otherwise insane schedule. Thanks for being patient.
No one said being a full time student, living in Manhattan, paying rent out of pocket would be easy. Which is good, because if anyone ever told me that I would probably kick them square in the taco. Without going into too much detail, my parents are unable to help me at all with my school or living expenses. I am completely independant, which I think is pretty healthy for a twenty three year old. Still, I would be lying if I said this whole experience isn't already a big financial drain. Paying for rent, food, and the occasional bought of not-free fun while paying for tuition without much financial aid...well, I'm kind of struggling.
I'm no stranger to penny to penny living, or juggling a lot of responsibility. Hell, even at AU (where I was paying for everything with loans/aid), I never had less than three jobs. But right now I'm going into one of the most make-it-or-break-it stages of my life. I have class four days a week, and work at Nasty Pig the other three. I'm still at the Bondage Club every Sunday night, and I've started go-go'ing more than I had before (usually one or two gigs a week). Before everything had been scheduled, I was really hoping to keep one "day off" from everything per week. But given all the circumstances I've highlighted, it just wasn't in the cards. With everything combined, I am scraping by (BARELY). Plus, I still am trying to fit SOME shred of a social life in there somewhere.
Given all of this, I really am going to have to treat my Monday blog-deadline as a goal rather than a hard and fast deadline. I dance a lot on Sunday nights and work Monday at noon, so don't have the energy/time to do it in the morning. I go spend time with friends (and Phil) a lot after work. It just doesn't leave much time.
Despite all this, keeping this blog active means a lot to me, and I am going to do my damnest to fit it in to my otherwise insane schedule. Thanks for being patient.
Monday, August 30, 2010
School
Raise your hand if you start fashion school tomorrow.
*Raises hand*
Despite being obviously excited, I'm actually pretty nervous. Everything I have ever studied has been deeply rooted in intellectualism and academia. Fashion is about raw talent and technical skill (things I am not HALF as confident in as my intellectual prowess), and I just don't know if I have that sort of talent. It's not that I doubt I do. I just literally have no way to gauge my own ability or strength. I guess I'll find out. Here goes!
*Raises hand*
Despite being obviously excited, I'm actually pretty nervous. Everything I have ever studied has been deeply rooted in intellectualism and academia. Fashion is about raw talent and technical skill (things I am not HALF as confident in as my intellectual prowess), and I just don't know if I have that sort of talent. It's not that I doubt I do. I just literally have no way to gauge my own ability or strength. I guess I'll find out. Here goes!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Fire Island
Hey guys, just got back from Fire Island, and I had an incredible time. Won't have time to post today or tomorrow, but will be posting pics soon.
UPDATE:
UPDATE:
Monday, August 16, 2010
Relationships
It may interest you to know that I have gone on a few dates recently with a very sexy Daddy in NYC. And I have to admit, it's going pretty well so far. We've only gone on a few dates, but they have been pretty spectacular. We even spent the day together at Coney Island, and it was probably the best day of my entire summer. We have pretty spectacular chemistry, and I'm even missing him a little now that we haven't spoken in a few days. Cue "awwww"s.
Spending time with him and developing MODEST, completely EMBRYONIC feelings for him has made me start thinking a bit, and I have actually come to quite the realization. Out of the five guys whom I have had feelings for over the past six years, not one of them could have developed into a relationship. When I was 19, I fell for a guy with a bf. When I was 20, I fell for David who was in NYC while I was in DC. When I was 21, I had feelings for Greg, who lived in NYC while I was in DC. And sure enough, when I was 22, I was casually dating, and quite taken with a DC Cop who I never mentioned on this blog. Of course, we started seeing each other five months before I left for NYC. No matter the guy, there was always some external force that made a relationship unlikely/undesirable/impossible.
While I am not even remotely saying Phil and I are going to become boyfriends or that I would even want that... but it is the first time I have ever even been interested in where it COULD happen. There's no obvious reason we couldn't...which is frankly a bit strange to me, and yeah...a little intimidating. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be David's boy, and there were even times when I considered being the Cop's boyfriend. I really WANTED to make it work. Still, there was a bit of a safety net in each one.
With Phil, or any guy that I meet now that I'm living in NYC full time, is a relationship the final destination of dating? I mean if I start to have feelings for a guy and visa versa... is a relationship inevitable? And if not, what else is there? Fuck buddies who have serious romantic feelings for one another? I REPEAT: I AM NOT SAYING I WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH PHIL. It's just that there is no real reason things couldn't develop if they do so naturally.
Kind of weird, huh?
I guess we'll see what happens.
Spending time with him and developing MODEST, completely EMBRYONIC feelings for him has made me start thinking a bit, and I have actually come to quite the realization. Out of the five guys whom I have had feelings for over the past six years, not one of them could have developed into a relationship. When I was 19, I fell for a guy with a bf. When I was 20, I fell for David who was in NYC while I was in DC. When I was 21, I had feelings for Greg, who lived in NYC while I was in DC. And sure enough, when I was 22, I was casually dating, and quite taken with a DC Cop who I never mentioned on this blog. Of course, we started seeing each other five months before I left for NYC. No matter the guy, there was always some external force that made a relationship unlikely/undesirable/impossible.
While I am not even remotely saying Phil and I are going to become boyfriends or that I would even want that... but it is the first time I have ever even been interested in where it COULD happen. There's no obvious reason we couldn't...which is frankly a bit strange to me, and yeah...a little intimidating. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be David's boy, and there were even times when I considered being the Cop's boyfriend. I really WANTED to make it work. Still, there was a bit of a safety net in each one.
With Phil, or any guy that I meet now that I'm living in NYC full time, is a relationship the final destination of dating? I mean if I start to have feelings for a guy and visa versa... is a relationship inevitable? And if not, what else is there? Fuck buddies who have serious romantic feelings for one another? I REPEAT: I AM NOT SAYING I WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH PHIL. It's just that there is no real reason things couldn't develop if they do so naturally.
Kind of weird, huh?
I guess we'll see what happens.
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