A good summary

So recently I started talking to an old friend (who I dated for a month my freshman year) and we quickly got onto the topic of his curiosity in Domination and submission. For him it has always been a part of his sexuality, but that's the extent. Asking me about how it has played out in my life, I volunteered to send him an email that summed it up. I was so pleased with the way that it turned out that I figured it would make a great blog post.

Sir,
Submission has been a complete journey for me. It all started with bondage, admittedly. When I was eleven I was jerking off thinking about being bound and gagged, and over time that evolved. In my mid teens I started experimenting with BDSM more and began to appreciate bondage in conjunction with other things (light SM, humiliation, sex, etc…). After I moved to DC, my desire to explore these other areas (and my ability to find partners to experiment with) rose quickly. By the time I was twenty, I had been tied up more times than I could count, had been sexually humiliated and objectified, and had thoroughly indulged some of my biggest fetishes (mostly sniffing dirty socks/jocks, breath play, water sports, gear, groups, etc…).

Despite all this, it wasn’t until January 2008 (I was twenty), that I really started to explore what it means to submit. Don’t get me wrong; I had already experimented with following orders, houseboying, etc… But that’s not what real submission is about. It started when I met David. I was moving to NYC in the summer and had been looking for leathermen in the area to get to know before I moved. I found David online and we clicked right away. The first night we talked on the phone, we talked for about three hours and I opened up to him quite a lot. In a months time, I had experienced submission in a way I never had. In just a matter of weeks, David had exerted an external authority on my entire life that gave me an incredible satisfaction I had never felt.

Under David’s suggestion/order, I had a 2:00am bedtime every night except Friday and Saturday, and 10:00 wake up time. This meant at 2:00am it was lights out, ass in bed, and at 10:00 I was awake and out of bed. I also had academic standards to meet. I was not allowed to skip class, and could not receive a grade lower than B- on a single assignment or overall grade. My diet also changed slightly. David introduced healthier (more grown-up) options into my life that replaced things like the breads I ate (all whole-grain now), the cereals I ate (no more trix), the amount of vegetables I ate, etc…

Now, as I said, this gave me an extreme sense of satisfaction and happiness that I had never felt. Note that nothing about this is cruel, or mean, or commanding in the way people typically view bdsm. Quite the contrary, David as a figure of authority in my life, was exceptionally nurturing. This aspect of our relationship dealt with the structure a Dominant man (a Sir) can give a submissive boy. Also note the mutuality of it. David got the pleasure of nurturing and structuring a boy, and I got structure to help me achieve my goals and be successful. In a sense, this aspect of a Dom/sub relationship is where the rules are inserted. For us these rules were never sexual, but that is quite particular to us. Many Dom/sub pairs have rules that involve sex, daily dress, regular chores, etc… It is all about the specific needs and desires of the individuals.

There is another aspect submission that played out after I moved to NYC into his apartment. Now I should note that about a month before this happen, something happened to David. I don’t really know what, to be honest, but he got scared. He started changing, and was there for me much less, and much less involved with making sure I stayed on task. I think he got scared when he realized I would be moving in with him in just a month. So at that point he told me I couldn’t live with him, but that I could stay with him for a few weeks until I found a place.
Still, after I moved there, we experienced the more daily manifestation of roles within our relationship. This was manifested in a lot of ways that met both our desires and needs. One example is in the shared activities couples do everyday, like eating dinner. Whenever we ate, David would be the decider in everything: what type of food, the specific restaurant, and even what I ate and drank. Now at first this seems overbearing, but with all Dominance and submission, it’s all about subtlety. First: David knew me pretty well. So he was capable of making decisions about the foods I would like, and the foods he thought I should try, based on how well he knew me. Second: he would ask for my opinion or preference when he wanted it. Not that I wasn’t allowed to state my preference, its just that I preferred him to be the decider. I would even disagree with him sometimes about what/where we ate. But in the end, I respected that he was the desire.

Which leads me to another point about submission. Like any couple, there are bound to be disagreements. And from a boy’s perspective, I need a man who will listen to what I have to say and treat me and my thoughts/feelings with respect. But, as a boy, I also trust the Sir I am with to make the best decision for both of us, even when I may disagree. So even though, so far, I have made a point to emphasize the mutuality of everything, there are times when Sir’s word is the law and I have to respect and obey.

Another aspect of this involves discipline. No one is perfect. So when Sir sets rules like the ones I mentioned earlier, sometimes I am going to break them (whether on intentionally or not). And when that happens, I submit (by entering this relationship) to a punishment that meets the crime. This, like many things, very much depends on the individual(s). For David and I, punishments ranged in variety from a good talking to, time out to reflect on my mistakes, to a hard over-the-knee spanking (in addition to a good talking to). Afterwards, it was always important to take me in his arms (sometimes while I cried, sobbed, and shook), and tell me that he forgave me and that he cares about me a lot.

I suppose the last area I want to cover is the roles that you both take quite naturally in the evolution of the relationship. For me, these roles have generally taken on traditional gender roles. For example, when I am with a Man; I clean for Him, cook for Him (though usually we cook together or take turns), run errands, and generally keep a submissive and ready-to-please attitude when I’m in the home. Furthermore, I am very much responsible for his emotional caretaking. And in turn, he’s responsible for mine. In contrast to me, however; He frequently pays, makes the decisions around the house, and expects me to satisfy Him sexually (which in turn satisfies me).

I hope this has given you a general overview of how submission plays out in my life. It is, more than anything, about trust and unbridled communication. I am always open to ANY questions you might have. And if you have the liberty (I am assuming your internet use is monitored), you should check out my blog sometime, which is ALL about my experiences as a submissive boy and begins a few months after things ended with David.

ben

boy's uniform

As I have indicated in a past update, I have weekly training sessions with Sir Larry. On days when I meet up with him, I wear what he has defined as my boy's uniform. When he first described this a year or two ago, I would wear it just to meet up with him. Lately, however, I put it on first thing in the morning on the days we meet. I enjoy the feeling of wearing it during my daily labors; class, studying, work, etc... It gives me a feeling of correctness, or rightness.

My boy uniform consists of:
One pair running sneakers
One pair white ankle socks
One pair dark blue jeans
One pair white briefs
One white tee shirt
One black leather belt (he likes my studded one)

It may not be what you idealize. I know, especially, the substitution of sneakers for boots will make some of your old guard leather types turn up your noses a bit. But this uniform works for me, and it pleases him. And I am more than happy to wear it.

Code

So a month or so ago a friend of mine (and Sir Larry's partner) told me he was producing a new monthly gear party in DC and was hoping I would be able to help him out on the night of the party. Being that I am helpful, kinky, and submissive; I told him I would be delighted to. He described what he had envisioned for the environment, which consisted of boys bound and gagged in gear littered throughout the premises, and asked if I would be interested in getting tied. I love being kept bound and gagged in public, so I told him I would be happy to. Being that I am one of few rope tops in DC though, I told him I would be happy to tie others just as much. Eventually, David told me he would love it if I could tie up a tall, muscular military man and a twenty year old muscle boy. I was happy to oblige. Well, I have to admit there was some hesitation, but we will get to that when it comes.

Come Saturday, I arrived at the bar around 11:15 to find that the place was already mobbed. I was shocked at how packed the bar was, and soon found it was my responsibility to lure people into another, less crowded room with my first demo. Now I had never done a public rope demo before, so I have to admit I was a bit nervous. I'm definitely a damn good rope top (especially for my age), but I still have A LOT to learn. Plus, there is a certain maturity and responsibility involved with heavy rope bondage that I think I need to develop. Still, I had a job to do and I was ready to do it.

Now I had already spoken with military man (Matt), and I could tell he was nervous. Not only was this his first time being tied in public, but David had forgotten to pack a hood so his head was not going to be completely covered. Still, we had played before and he trusted me (and my skill). As per David's request, I put him in a hogtie that was quite restrictive, but not immobilizing (after all, I wanted him to struggle for entertainment). The nice thing about Matt is that he LOVES to struggle, and put on a great show in his desperate efforts to escape. I could tell the crowd was loving it. In fact, at one point in the demo, when I was on top of Matt and wrapping several layers of duct tape around his head, I heard an audience member suddenly yell out "OH FUCK!". I turned and saw him with his mouth open, in lusty wonder at the vision I had provided. Could you blame him? I was rock hard too!

After this, Matt struggled for about an hour while I kept an eye on him, talked to the crowd, and hung out with some of my friends. After I untied him, I was coiling my rope when David approached me with a young muscular blond boy in a singlet. He introduced us and told me that Hollister (ugh, his rather appalling porn name), was my next victim. I quickly discovered that Hollister didn't really have much of an interest in BDSM (or any idea what was really going on). This was somewhat difficult since David had asked me to play with him (unlike Matt who I just bound and gagged) without giving any specific instructions. So with little "Domming" experience, minor instruction, and no feedback from "Hollister" (not too mention the confines of a public space); I went into the scene with trepidation. I mean what could I do? There was no sex allowed, and Hollister couldn't handle a prolonged or even mildly intense SM scene.

So what did I do? Well, not much. I tied him as you could see and anchored him to the ceiling so he had limited (but strugglable) maneuverability. After that I just sort of kept alternating between the same basic acts. I'd make out with him, play with his nipples, play with his balls, spank him, and stroke his cock. I mean I interspersed twisting nipples/biting, bare assed spanking and over singlet spanking; but really it was pretty basic. For most of the crowd (and yes there was a crowd), it was more about watching two young hot boys in singlets fool around with rope.

By the time I untied Hollister, it was pretty late and a lot of the crowd had disappeared (including most of my friends), so I didn't really get to have much casual fun. Still, I got to tie up two hot guys and had a hard on for most of the evening, so I guess I can't really complain.

For more pics and info from code, check out there website http://www.codedc.com/

The human footstool

Last night I went to Sir Larry's as part of my weekly training schedule. There will be more on this to come, but for now I just want to discuss a specific service I provided last night. After we had fooled around and He came, he took me to the living room and ordered me on all fours. He took a seat on the couch, turned on the BBC, and used me as a human foot stool for about twenty to thirty mins.

This was the first time this has ever really happened to me, and I have to admit, I rather enjoyed it. For anyone who has ever read Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, you'll be familiar with his assertion that technology combined with the fast pace of modern human life leaves us almost no time to just think. To stop trying to engage and just think. Last night, on all fours with Sir's sneaker tied to my face and his feet resting on my back, there was a meditation-like quality to the experience. Whats more, there was a certain privacy I felt down on the floor. Maybe a privacy of thought. In many ways, I was in my own little world. And even more than my own room, or bed...I felt very much like I was in my own private space in the world.

Of course, I can't discount the feeling of the situation itself. Being a human footstool gives the tiniest twinge of humiliation, with the soft contentment of servitude. I was naked on all fours, objectified for the man I serve. It was exhilarating, for sure, and my cock remained full (though not stiff) the entire time. But it was these feelings of servile contentment coupled with the privacy of my own thoughts within that position that truly made the experience worthwhile for me as a boy.

I very much hope for this form of servitude to be a regular part of my training.

IT'S FINALLY SEPTEMBER!

UGH!

As mentioned in my previous post, August is just the worst. But now that September has finally come around (bringing in tow BEAUTIFUL weather), I have the vim and vigor to finally start writing again (not to mention the time, energy, and experience). I'm into my second week of classes, all my residents have moved in, and things are finally starting to settle down. So you can all expect several posts a week again, starting today!

I figured I would kick off my return to blogging in a very similar way that I first started: education. Recently, the AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT) released a booklet detailing safe methods of practicing BDSM. Most of you will probably have seen this by now, but I think it's important to post anyway (especially for those who have not read it yet). Not only does it describe methods of protecting yourself from STI's such as HIV/AIDS and Hep C, but the booklet also details safe methods of play in addition to general information we should all know about BDSM. It's called "BDSM, Safer Kinky Sex" and since I don't know how to attach it as a file, you can read it here.

It really is worth taking the time to read, even for those of you/us who think you/we know everything.