Spring Cleaning

It is absolutely beautiful out. The weather is warm, but still crisp. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. I have the windows wide open and am ready to give my new apartment a vigorous spring cleaning. If only there were someone to put me in some gear or enforce some rules on me while I do. Oh well, I guess I will just enforce them myself. What do you think guys? Balls tied; sock gagged, collared? May not be much, but it beats cleaning normally! haha

Happy Spring!

Black Party

This year I went to my first Black Party in NYC. I had won tickets last year in the most tragic bar contest you could ever imagine, but just had Greg scalp them since A) I wasn't interested and B) was not going to be in NYC at the time. This year though I was hired by Vance to lead a bondage scene at the event (like I do for him on Friday's at Splash). More or less, the idea was to spend three hours creating a spider web of rope on a huge 10x10 frame, tie a boy to it, and lead a scene. All simple enough, and the pay was decent. Besides, it got me a free ticket to the event.

I am not much of a circuit party boy (or even much or a night life boy to be frank), but I was certainly curious about the event itself. I had been working non stop for the days leading up to the party, so I figured I would show up, do my scene, and leave.

I got there around 11:30 with Brian from the NYBC who was doing an identical scene elsewhere at the party. He had already suggested I tie up one of our mutual acquaintances, and since I didn't have a better suggestion, I agreed. We all met up at the ballroom and got situated before starting our scenes. The web took about two hours to make, and the scene prob took 30 or 40 mins. I think it was hot (or at least entertaining) for the audience, but me and the bottom had absolutely no chemistry (nor a particular fondness for each other), which made the whole scene feel like just another job (which it was).

However, the one surprise I got at Black Party was another example of my ever shifting sexual and emotional needs. Now, in the days before BP I had worked a lot at Nasty Pig. All of us felt like we must have sold a third of the gear that was worn at BP, and we met a large number of party goers in the day before. Many were hot, and I flirted with plenty (as is my prerogative hehe). I figured I would run into a few at the party, and was open to something happening.

Sure enough, I did run into a few. One in particular struck my fancy. A very handsome, bearded, muscular, broad, masculine man from LA. He came up to the platform I was on grabbed my leg. When I looked down I grinned broadly. We had flirted a lot in the store, and I thought he was just the sexiest guy. We talked for a bit, and started kissing. You know how some guys are just amazing kissers? Well that is exactly what he was. He was sweet and flirtatious, and just the best damn kisser I had met in a while. We kissed for a while, and eventually I started sucking his dick (which was thick, mouthwatering, and so suckable). However, it didn't last long. He picked me up, and we started kissing again, and frankly I couldn't have been happier. It seemed innocent, and somewhat ridiculous considering the venue, but I just could have stood kissing him all night.

Eventually I had to get back to my scene, and he told me he would be right there watching. ^ _ ^. The scene happened, and we had no chemistry and it was work. Afterwards I looked for my new connection and found that he was gone. I started to think he might have left after seeing the rather sexual scene, not realizing how much I would have rather been with him. So I untied the web and spent the rest of the party exploring/keeping my eye out for him. I never found him.

But during my intense search, I started to realize all the guys who had there dicks out just waiting for a boy like me to suck them off weren't tempting me even slightly. Usually NSA no recip cock service is my thing. But on this black night of nights, I just wasn't feeling it. All I wanted to do was find my big furry fella and kiss him deeply. It's opened my eyes a little bit. I haven't had a boyfriend in almost six years (David and I were never in a committed relationship). I have seen guys, but to be honest, I have always been happily (and preferably) single. But maybe I want to stop sleeping around. Maybe I'm ready to find just one guy. Maybe I'm ready to meet my someone just for me.

Shout out

To the fellow who came up to me in Chipotle tonight just to tell me you loved my blog, thank you. You really made my night ^ _ ^!

Ben

David

So as many of you know, my first serious Sir/boy dynamic was with a man named David. We had met on recon as I was trying to make a few connections in NYC months before I moved for my first summer here (Summer 08). Even from a distance (I still lived in DC for four months before I moved), things with He and I got very intense very quickly. It was not long before I was on a bedtime and schedule he set, following rules that he laid, etc… It was remarkable, and it was the only time I have ever so deeply allowed myself to connect with a Sir.

Without going into too much detail about what happened, partially due to the fact that even to this day I don’t understand what really went wrong or why he changed, suffice to say it did not work out. I was devastated. Given that, in addition to feeling lost, abandoned, and confused; I was unhappy with my internship, could not find a job, had no money for food, and lost 10 lbs that summer from not eating: it was def the worst 3 months of my life. But I made it through, and coincidentally, started this blog shortly after I returned to DC.

It took a long time for me to “get over” Him. He was the second man I ever fell in love with, and our ending was so convoluted that it was hard to get over. Besides, only a few months later I found a new boy and was very much in love. This only brought back all the theories I had for why everything that happened was my fault, and that if I were only better in some way, he would have loved me back.

It was not until my first IML, roughly one year since I had last seen or spoken to him, that I realized how ok with the situation I had become. A year had passed and I had experienced a lot. I was already pretty much over him, but IML sealed it. I finally saw who the new boy ways, and it filled me with a sense of relief. He was COMPLETELY different from me. His new boy was older, had a different body type, and clearly shared a different dynamic with David. I had always feared it was some young boy very much like me who just had something I didn’t. But seeing this man who David had fallen for helped me realize it wasn’t my fault.

I’ll admit, seeing and talking to Him at IML (we ran into each other quite suddenly and unexpectedly) was more pleasant than I thought. It may have been because of that, that when I moved to NYC two months ago I allowed myself to get back in touch with him. I don’t remember who it was that first offered, but we ended up deciding to get dinner together.

The night was pretty great. Seeing him was a bit strange. He had started shaving his beard and chest hair, and frankly it made a strong visual impact on me. He no longer looked like a firm Daddy type, but rather a handsome young man in his late twenties (the beard made him look older). I stated to recognize him more as a person than I had in the past (something I know was one of the mistakes I did make when we were “together”). The whole evening just flew by, and I really felt our old closeness returning. And being that I had just moved, it was really nice to not only have a familiar face, but with someone who exuded control and security.

And then, in true David fashion, he just fucked me over. As I was leaving he asked if I wanted to come back next week for dinner. I was SHOCKED, since I know how he is about needing space. I even said “Heh, are you sure?” before he gave me a look and I graciously accepted. Until next week I didn’t call or text because, again, I didn’t want to scare him off. Sure enough, a week later when I texted him to see when he wanted to get together that week: no response. I called later. No response. Texted the next day. No response. Texted him a few days later to congratulate his mention on towleroad.com. No response. And since then, I have yet to hear from him.

THIS IS QUINTESSENTIAL DAVID BULL SHIT! Seriously, I was so annoyed/pissed that I have had no idea how to react. I just don’t fucking get him. Like. If you don’t want to see me again, DON’T MAKE PLANS WITH ME. And if you do want to see me again, DON’T FUCKING IGNORE ME. Seriously, if I ever were to hear from him again he would probably give me the same lies he always used to give me about why he ignored me and never got back in touch. And then he would say my expectations were too high when the ONLY THING I EVER EXPECTED OF HIM WAS TO DO THE THINGS HE SAID HE WOULD. I only ever expected that from him.

So yeah, who knows if I will ever hear from him again. I saw him at the Eagle, and he waved at me as if everything was cool and I just rolled my eyes and kept walking. Then he invited me to his birthday (by mass email evite), and refused to respond when I emailed him back asking what had happened the week before. Seriously? Seriously you are going to act like everything is cool? Oh well. I’m done with letting him make me wonder what I did wrong. He is dishonest, disingenuous, and just not worth it anymore.

Been busy

Hey guys. So sorry for not posting, but things have been somewhat insane here. I did not have much to post about for a while, and then suddenly HELL WEEK hit. Without getting into it to much, this is what hell week was like for me.

Monday: Worked. Realize roommate is a controlling, psycho bitch. Found a potential place on Craigslist.
Tuesday: Saw place from Craigslist.
Weds: Worked all day and Go-Go danced from 12-4am. Was offered place from CL.
Thurs: Put in deposit.
Fri: Worked all day and worked at Splash 10-3am.
Sat: Packed all day. Moved. Danced 11-3am
Sun: Worked 6pm-4am
Monday: Worked all day.

Needless to say my week sucked. But everything worked out for the best. What's more, I have a few things to write about including: being really attracted for a young looking boy (very strange), another round of David being an ass, and some NYBC updates.

Stick around;-)