Fuckin: Part 1

Loyal readers will know that I have always had trouble bottoming. In fact, it was just about a year ago that I got fucked for the first time. I had tried a few times before that, but it just never really happened. Dicks, toys, fingers: nothing seemed to fit up there comfortably. I even thought there was something wrong with me or that I was somehow biologically predispositioned against fucking! I mean, I would hear all my friends telling me how their cherry-popping just happened. Either they got drunk at a bar and went home with some stranger, found some guy online and ended up just getting fucked, or they were already fucking themselves with household objects when they were teens. I would listen to these stories and think, "WHY IS IT SO FUCKING EASY FOR YOU?". I mean, come on! How could everyone I know think fucking and ass play were just no big deal, when I was in so much pain just trying to get a baby plug in!?

So after I finally got fucked by Daddy at the maiden age of twenty four, I was confident the worst was behind me. After all, I did it! I got fucked! The hard part was over, and I was ready to finally start being the porn-star bottom that had always seemed out of my reach. Well, this may shock you, but getting fucked was only one step in the long journey it's been towards becoming a bottom.

In fact, my hopelessness fell to an all time low as I began to realize every time was just as hard as the first. It always hurt and it always hurt too much. Because it hurt we didn't fuck very often. Because we didn't fuck very often, I didn't get a lot of practice. Because I didn't get any practice, it always hurt, and the vicious cycle of butt fucking went round and round.

Luckily, there actually was VERY small progress made with each time. Even I, an anal illiterate, turned into a jungle animal when Daddy was hitting my prostate. Over time, we actually got to a place where I was starting to enjoy it. Unfortunately, that place was always on top of Daddy with his cock only about halfway in, and minimal thrusting. In essence, I was only able to get fucked when Daddy lay perfectly still and let me ride him a little bit.

Between my difficulties even getting to that enjoyable place and Daddy's apathy about being a human dildo, we eventually just stopped doing it. I never let him really do anything and he never seemed that interested when we were doing it (because I never let him really do anything), so it just lost it's appeal to both of us. At the time of course, we were both dealing with this very privately, and neither of us really knew what the other was going through. This all eventually came to a head in a big discussion after a week of tension between us. As usual, I felt much better after our talk AND much more committed to becoming a bottom.

Luckily, I armed myself with more than a newly found conviction for bottoming. On the fourth day of Chanukah last year, I received the three greatest plugs a BIT (bottom-in-training) could ask for: the Square Peg Egg Plug. Available in XS-XXXL, this is by far the most comfortable thing I have ever had inside me. I rarely endorse products, but seriously, if you're a BIT like me, GET THESE: http://www.squarepegtoys.com/shop/egg-plug/. It will completely change your life.

In my next post, I'll tell you all about the six months since I decided to take my ass into my own hands and train myself to be a bottom.

Gonna Get Myself Into It

Well, it sure has been a while.


I'm sure plenty of you are wondering where I've been and why I haven't been posting. To be honest I didn't really know why I stopped posting. It all started to feel like some great burden that I was stuck with, but I couldn't put my finger on just what was wrong.

Well I took a little break to get some distance, and I am starting to figure out just what happened. When I started this blog four years ago, I wanted it to be a resource. My first post was a ennumerated guide for getting into kink. Out of all the posts I have written since, my "Ten Things to Know" still exemplifies what this blog was intended to be: a resource. Looking back, I remember wanting to let other kinky guys know that they weren't alone, and that there is nothing wrong with being kinky. At the time, the best way I knew how to do that was to offer my own experiences as a reference.

I always hoped my blog would walk the line between educational and erotic. After all, eroticism is at the heart of so many kinky, kinky things we do. It was really important to me that I express every aspect of the experiences I had. I never wanted to write about just getting tied up or disciplined; I wanted to express how it made me feel. That's what separated me from porn. It wasn't supposed to be about how hot it was. It was supposed to be about the thoughts, feelings, and sensations we experience during kinky sex.

Recently though, that balance began to slip away. While I may have never been as good as I thought I was at hitting that balance, being in a relationship really changed the way I wrote. Not being responsible to or for anyone had allowed me to write on a deeply personal level about my sexuality and my partners. That just isn't the case anymore. No matter what, I always have to consider A. when I write my posts, and it has made me a much more private person. A lot of the feelings I have about and during sex are for him only.

This newly discovered privacy slowly began to drain the personality from my writing. I didn't want to write about how I felt, so I just wrote what happened. Now, of course I wrote my "feelings" about how turned on I was or how incredibly hot it was. While these may have been perfectly true, I always felt like I was leaving out the personal aspect that had been the soul of this entire blog. All of the laughter, levity, boredom, jealousy, and everything else that goes into sex between partners got stripped away and all that was left was porn.

So, if I am going to write this blog I need to make some changes. My privacy is still very important, so I am not entirely sure where this blog is going to go. I may not be posting regularly either. I will be making an effort to write more, and I already have some ideas on topics that find that balance I used to have.

P.S. Special thanks to Dan Savage for linking me on Savage Love!

Punishment Forthcoming

Thank you to everyone who commented on my most recent post. Please know that Daddy has chosen a punishment and it will be coming soon. Things are currently pretty busy over here in Daddy's den, and both of us have been under the weather for the past week or so. We'll let everyone know the details of my punishment as soon as we're both back in fighting shape.

Punishment

From the comments on my previous post from "Anonymous":

"I think that since bad boy Ben has not posted recently we should all come up with a punishment we find suitable that his Daddy will have the ultimate say on...."

Well, Anonymous, Daddy agrees with you. You are all correct, it is unacceptable for me to neglect my blog and my readers.

At Daddy's order, I will be accepting punishments in the comments section of this post until midnight on Friday. Daddy will review them all and choose the best or most popular. He will then administer my punishment and post pictures as proof.

I apologize to all of you for being so lazy, and await Your order.

Attached is an example of the last time I was bad.

The Spanking Cup

A few weeks ago, Daddy informed me there would be a new system of discipline in the home, and it all had to do with a small glass cup. He came over where I was sitting and put it in my hand so I could get a better look. The label around the rim read, "Spanking Cup". Even more curiously, three small metal S hooks were hanging off the rim. Unsure what to make of the foreign object, I looked up at Daddy inquisitively.

He smiled broadly and introduced me to the spanking cup. The three S hooks around the rim represented an offense that was not quite so egregious as to warrant a spanking, but bad enough to need correction. Every time I committed such an offense, one hook was taken off the rim and dropped in the cup. There are only three hooks. Can you guess what happens when all three hooks fall into the cup? If you guessed a spanking, you guessed correctly. Go straight over Daddy's knee. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. At the end of the day, each S would go back onto the rim, and I would begin the next day with a clean slate.

Now Daddy knows me well enough to predict that I was already trying to figure out ways to abuse the system. For example, it would be easy enough to just get two S hooks a day. In fact, it is almost like being given a free pass to misbehave twice a day. This is why he told me very clearly that gaming the system in itself is a spankable offense, and that he would be quite vigilant in making sure I played nicely.

However, Daddy is also a very kind man. Another element of the system, designed to keep me from not misbehaving at all, involved a reward. For every day I go without getting ANY hooks in the cup, I get a reward. At this point, Daddy asked for my input in coming up with the most effective and reasonable award. This is how my punch card was created. I will let it speak for itself.

I personally think its genius. The reward is something I want very badly, but given so incrementally that it really requires long term good-behavior to be of any value. Daddy has never been a big bondage enthusiast, but he enjoys it enough to play along. With the new system, however, I don't feel like I am bugging him to do something just for me when I need to be bound and gagged. With my punch card, I know that he is just doing it for me, but that's ok because it's something I have earned. All together, it has made being tied up and left to struggle (my favorite) a much more regular part of our relationship, which has left me quite satisfied.

To this day, I have yet to get all three hooks in the cup. It's mostly split between no hooks or one hook. All together, it has been a very effective system.

Having said that, I'm always looking for new ideas on how to spend my earnings! If anyone has ideas for positions, ties, gags, what I should be wearing, where tied, etc... let me know!