Self Bondage

I have found that most of the guys I know who are like me have tried self bondage. By like me, I mean have bondage as a very specific interest. Bondage isn't just a means to an end (sex). Bondage, in and of itself, can be hot. In fact, most of my fantasies revolve around Hardy Boy bondage. It can be fully clothed and completely unsexed. The allure comes from the actual experience of being bound and gagged.

It makes sense then, that if the allure comes from being tied up, that there is at least some enjoyment derived from self-bondage (or tying yourself up). Of course there are degrees of self bondage. As a very simple example: I gag myself ALL the time. When I'm jerking off, when I'm cleaning the apartment, whenever. Being gagged just really turns me on. Sometimes I just wanna be tied up though. Which is when you try out the more extreme techniques.

Now, I am aware, self bondage can be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. One should ALWAYS make sure to have an emergency way out (usually scissors). In fact, I frequently do self bondage when my roomie is home so no matter what, I can ask for help. Whats more, when I plan on tying my hands as well, I usually don't use a mouth stuffing gag that I could easily choke on.

Having said, I do have a few techniques I have been working on. My main one is pretty basic, and can be used to make a decent hogtie. You start by taking a short length of rope and tying a square knot at it's ends, in essence making a single loop of rope. Now fold that rope back on itself several times until you have several coils of rope layered on top of one another, making one small loop. Put that aside for now. Take another short length of rope and tie your ankles, with no cinching yet. Lastly, wrap a third length of rope around your tied ankles, cinching the original tie. However, at the end of one length of this third rope, tie a slip knot. Now, get on your knees and put one wrist through the first rope (the short loop). Before putting the second wrist, put the coils through the slip knot you just made. Now slide your second wrist through the rope. Lastly, from your knees, lean onto your stomach (you start on your knees because it gives you more leverage to slip the rope through the slip knot). And now, here you are, effectively hogtied. Whenever you're ready to be untied, you just untie the slip knot.

This is my most used method. However,  I was hoping you guys could share some of your own techniques in the comments section. I'm always looking to test new methods to see how well I can rope myself up.

On Chastity

    Roughly every two or so years, I have the inclination to retry chastity. I think that is roughly how long it takes for me to forget about how much I absolutely hated it the last time I tried. Seriously, every time I had ever tried chastity it was just miserable. I had no problem with the not-cumming aspect of it all, but everything else about wearing a cock cage is JUST intolerable. The bulkiness, the discomfort, the downright pain: NO THANK YOU. So right on schedule, about two and a half years after my last run-in with the wretched machinations of the CB 3000, I was suddenly curious to have my cock locked (though to be honest I do have a slight ulterior motive). Knowing a Dom from the NYBC had wanted to lock me up in the past, I asked if he would keep me locked up for a 24 hour trial period.

To prove that I was worthy and more ready to obey His command, I underwent a week long series of obedience training; basic orders and commands to be followed and preformed daily. After proving myself more obedient and well-trained than I had in the past, He agreed to lock me up last night after work. I arrived at 8pm and he locked me in this little number: http://www.mr-s-leather.com/CB310/stainless-steel-chastity-cock-cage.html?id=YGacrTya. By this time, I had already edged myself without cumming for about a day. Between my cum-denial, obedience training, AND desire for my cock to be locked; I was desperately horny.

With this attitude, I was very excited to wear and test out the device. On the street I was surprised to find it was not only comfortable, but also fairly covert and unnoticeable. Unlike my previous experiences with chastity, I could really see myself wearing it for a while. I wore it to the bondage club where I was happy to wait on BLL contributor Sente. He tied me up several times and showed me off in my locked-cock state. Having my cock locked during play was a rather interesting experience. For the first time EVER possibly, I was truly unconcerned with my own pleasure. Knowing I couldn't cum, and that my dick was incapable of feeling any stimulation, it made it clear that the importance was on the man I was with. It was literally like my dick was non-existent. It's hard to really explain unless you have been in that situation, but it made me feel submissive and subservient in a way I had not quite experienced through any other method.

However, it was at the club that I started to experience the first drawbacks of the device. Every time I tried to piss, the trajectory of my urine would miss the hole in the device and end up filling the tube with piss. After a few seconds, it would start pouring out of the back of the device and all over my crotch. It was mostly just a mild nuisance. However, that night when I got home and got piss all over my jeans, I realized what a problem it could be. On one hand, yes: being forced to accidentally piss your pants a bit is hot and VERY humiliating. But in terms of the practicality of wearing this device long term, not being able to piss without getting it everywhere is simply unacceptable.

As the night wore on, and I started to get exhausted (I had worked 20 hours in 2 days and gotten about 10 hours of sleep combined), the pissing problem REALLY started annoying me. In that moment, I cheated and slipped my dick out of the tube to piss without problems. I then stuffed it back in the tube, but everything started hurting. The skin under my balls was getting raw and irritated, and frankly I was just getting bothered by the whole situation. Still, I went to bed and just resigned to deal with it. At 5am I woke to my balls tingling and pinching. I was so frustrated that I just tried cheating and taking the whole thing off. Which is when I REALLY hurt my balls trying to tug them through the cockring. Realizing I couldn't get it off, and just wanting to get some sleep made me FURIOUS. I texted the Dom to let him know I wanted it off first thing in the morning. After a while, I managed to cool off and fall back asleep.

When I woke up, I was still pretty over the whole situation, and quite ready to get the cage off. The Dom said I could come over at 2 and so I went about my day till then. However, something had happened last night in my 5am panic. I had realized how helpless I was. I really was LOCKED in and had NO POWER AT ALL to free myself. My dick and my body was truly under the control of one Man. The more I let this sink in, the more intoxicated with my helplessness I became. I got some lube and reset everything as best I could so it would be as comfortable as it had been the other night (in my 5am panic the night before, EVERYTHING had fallen out of place and was terribly uncomfortable and cumbersome). And then I texted the Dom...and BEGGED him to keep me 24 hours as we initially agreed. I thanked him profusely for locking me up; grovelling and giving in to my total submission. I realized I had become dickless, and in that realization I gave in completely to being under a Man's power.

I spent a full 24 hours in chastity. And while it had it's ups and downs, I am very grateful for the experience. We ended up discussing the pissing problem and figured out what went wrong exactly. Now, I can't wait to be locked up again for even longer.

Secret

Secrecy is a funny thing. I have spent a lot of time on this blog and in general talking about how important it is to be "out" as kinky players. I believe in that just as much today as I ever did. However, I do have to admit that lately I have been exploring a new interest. Something I hadn't really ever thought about except for a few times before a few months ago. And, I am beginning to understand one of the reasons some people prefer to keep some of their interests secret.

Most people don't have the opportunity in their lives to be very open about all this. I think some people, though, get off on how taboo this all is. Working at Nasty Pig, I hear it all the time. "I could wear this and people wouldn't even know where it was from". Seriously? Who cares if they knew where it was from? Is there really anything dirty about Nasty Pig? Maybe I am just too desensitized, but it always struck me as incredibly juvenile that people had such reactions to having this big secret.

Still, as I mentioned above... I am beginning to understand the allure of having a "dirty secret". Though I still think there is nothing particularly dirty about Nasty Pig, I am growing to appreciate the feeling one can have from feeling something privately. The interest I have recently taken plays into a lot of my humiliation fantasies, and taps into a lot of my inner most feelings of social right and wrong. The feeling that you are doing something very dirty, outside the scope of "how people are supposed to behave" can actually be exhilarating. More than exhilarating, having some dirty sexual secret heightens the sense of humiliation you have from doing the action in the first place.

I'm not going to reveal what my interest is, but it has elicited in me a feeling I have never had before. A rush of adrenaline like I have never known. It's sexual and emotional in a way I can not adequately describe. And what's more, the rush wouldn't be half as strong if I was out and proud about my new interest. By being proud of something, you take away its power to humiliate you. I don't want that. I have always been curious about humiliation, and now I have found a way for me to feel it in a way I never thought possible. I want to give guys the power to humiliate me, and as long as I feel that way, I'm gonna keep my secret. My own private dirty secret...

MAL Help

I'm at MAL. Is there anyone out there who wants to keep me bound and gagged for a few hours? haha

Aaaaaaaaaaaand We're Back

            Biggest apologies for the delay, my loyal readers. I’m on winter break from school, which means every aspect of my regular life flew out the window for a few weeks. As many of you know the best tool I had for always making time to write was doing so on a regular basis. Without a regular schedule, well I just kept forgetting to write. I will continue to have off until the end of the month, but hopefully will be able to pay a bit more attention to my humble blog.

            The funniest part of my leave of absence is that I didn’t stop brainstorming for the blog. In fact, in the past few weeks I have had several “A-HA!” moments where I have found a post topic. I just haven’t gotten around to writing them, much to your chagrin, I’m sure.

            First up, I wanted to reflect a little bit on the New Year. Now, traditionally, New Year’s Eve is not dissimilar to my 4^th of July in that I generally have little to no fun. In fact, I can barely remember what I did on the past several NYE’s. Before I get too gushy, let me just say this NYE was no better than any previous one because I worked a double from 11pm-10am and it was pretty miserable.

            HAVING SAID, there was one interesting aspect of my New Year’s that inspired a great deal of reflection in me. As of January 1, 2011 I had officially been living in NYC for exactly one year. Neat, huh? I’ve never really been one for New Year’s resolutions or all of that nonsense. But being able to go back in my mind and have a clear beginning and end of 2010 just made it really easy to reflect on things.

            One year ago I had just graduated from college. I moved here with no job prospects and no idea if I would even be accepted to fashion school. I only had a handful of friends in the city and only marginal experience in searching for an apartment. I had been a student for four years, and barely had a taste of what life as a young man would be like. There is one thing I did have though, and it drove my poor mother crazy. I had an absolute conviction that no matter what happened, I was going to survive.

            Now I’m sure you can chalk plenty of that up to being young and painfully stupid at times.  And I readily accept that my sense of invincibility is nothing more than the fodder of youth. But hey, I made it, didn’t I? I the past year I have started fashion school, gotten a new job (several, in fact), made a few new friends, met some amazing people, started dating a remarkable man, went new places, tried new things, had some HOT scenes, and basically carved out a small niche for myself in the man-eating behemoth that is New York City.

            With that in mind, I have a few goals for 2011. Not resolutions, exactly… My goals are more general things I want to happen to me this year that I think would maximize my happiness. I’m not going to share them right now. I would rather let you know after I’ve accomplished them.

            So here’s to 2011. I think it’s going to kick ass!