...a discipline daddy.

Despite my youth, I have always felt my interests were pretty concrete (especially recently). Excluding the occasional stray fantasy, my interests have been fairly consistent over my years of exploration. I thought I learned rather quickly what I like and dislike. So much so, in fact, that I doubted the likelihood of ever being with a man who didn't share my rather specific interests. Part of it is, of course, the folly of youth. However, I also think it stems from how our internet profiles compel us to define and itemize our sexuality. After a while, you just begin to categorize things as likes or dislikes.

For example, I never "liked" discipline. From my perspective, discipline was synonymous with pain. Worse; discipline was nothing but pain. From the few dealings I had with pain and SM, I was fairly certain I wasn't interested in the subject.

It wasn't until I fell in love with Daddy that my understanding began to develop. My education began with our own organic dynamic. In many ways he is naturally a Daddy like figure: compassionate, reassuring, stern, and hard working. The more we saw one another, the more I wanted his help in possessing those traits. And what better way to inspire a boy than with a little tough love?

I remember the first time Daddy showed me a really good discipline video. The young man in the video had recently been bailed out of jail by the film's proprietor. The two had worked together regularly in the past on videos, and the Daddy was clearly very upset with the situation. During the process of an over-the-knee spanking, I was lucky enough to witness something very intense and very real. Both parties were obviously very upset, and I could tell what I saw was really happening for them. Not only was I enthralled, but I was also rock-hard.

I think that's when I started pestering Daddy to have a spanking boy over. We had both kept our online profiles while dating, and I encouraged him to start looking for a boy to discipline in front of me. He eventually had one come over, and their exchange was incredibly erotic. While I wasn't allowed to see, hearing their interaction had me drooling over Daddy. The boy's confession of laziness and sloth, and Daddy's firm demands that he work harder and sort out his shit. When the boy eventually left, the first thing I did was tell Daddy how incredible he is.

Then, about two months ago, I was lucky enough to receive my own behavioral standards. After much begging on my part, Daddy sorted out a schedule of chores for me. It's posted right on the fridge.

As you can see, he keeps me pretty busy. I'm usually pretty great at staying on top of things, and Daddy is pretty good at allowing for extenuating circumstances. However, I haven't been a perfectly good boy. Whether due to laziness or a desire to test Daddy's buttons, I have missed tasks. Usually I get off with a chuckle and a verbal warning, but on one occasion I was put over Daddy's lap. It wasn't "fun", in the traditional sense of the word. Ok, well it wasn't fun in any sense of the word. However, it was... I'm not sure exactly. Hot? Enjoyable? Kinky? I guess not any of those, really. No, it was intense. Intense, emotional, and very intimate. I was kicking and sobbing the whole time, but afterwards I was very grateful for the experience.

Now, I find that my greatest challenge is craving discipline while not wanting to disappoint Daddy. Wish me luck.

Daddy Says:
[I've stayed out of this one, and for good reason: Ben's post this week is an internal monologue describing a transformation he's experienced.  While I played a part in effecting that experience, I can't (and therefore won't force) a commentary over it.  His experiences and interpretations are his own and they do a great job of untangling the mixed, volatile, and as he said, intense feelings many boys associate with being disciplined by the man they answer to.  So, instead of a running commentary, I'll post a response from my perspective in the next few days. -A. ]

Sicko

No post this week. I'm down with the flu.

Daddy's Boy Ben

I know you have all been wondering where I have been for the past few months. If you hadn't already guessed, a lot has been going on lately. The number one reason I haven't posted in three months is actually just how intense my schedule has been. As someone who has experienced both a liberal arts education and a technical education, I have to say technical is ten times more demanding. Between the extraordinary amount of time I have to put into fashion school and working two jobs on the weekend, I have simply had no time to write.

It wasn't just my schedule that kept me from writing, though. The truth is I have fallen in love with the man of my dreams. Daddy and I started seeing each other about six months ago, and things have just been perfect. We connect intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. He is the most handsome, sexy man I have ever had the privilege of being with, and being with him has made me happier than I have ever been.

I asked him if he'd like to comment on my articles; he said he'd be willing to and so from here out, you'll see his words in brackets [  ]. 

When we first started seeing each other, we made a conscious decision to take things slow. Not only did we want to avoid getting too serious, we wanted to get to know each other as people before developing a Daddy/boy relationship. In fact, it's only in the past month or so that we have really begun to explore that dynamic. Even right now, one of the main reasons I am writing is this post is because Daddy STRONGLY encouraged me to do so.

[Ben may be prone to hyperbole. I encouraged him to start up writing again for two reasons: 1) He's good at it, and 2) There's a community around leather, rope, sub/Dom, and Dad/son that is self-supporting.  By him reaching out, he'll encourage other folks to do the same thing.  We've all been kids once, wondering what the heck is wrong with us for having such deviant, thrilling thoughts.  I'm proud that Ben's doing his part to reassure everyone that, while deviant and thrilling, they're also perfectly natural.]

I will have a lot more to write about in the coming months. In fact, the newness of this whole relationship will provide me with some really interesting thoughts and feelings to explore. In the meantime, I'll keep doing what I do best: being Daddy's boy.  [I'll say.]

Self Bondage

I have found that most of the guys I know who are like me have tried self bondage. By like me, I mean have bondage as a very specific interest. Bondage isn't just a means to an end (sex). Bondage, in and of itself, can be hot. In fact, most of my fantasies revolve around Hardy Boy bondage. It can be fully clothed and completely unsexed. The allure comes from the actual experience of being bound and gagged.

It makes sense then, that if the allure comes from being tied up, that there is at least some enjoyment derived from self-bondage (or tying yourself up). Of course there are degrees of self bondage. As a very simple example: I gag myself ALL the time. When I'm jerking off, when I'm cleaning the apartment, whenever. Being gagged just really turns me on. Sometimes I just wanna be tied up though. Which is when you try out the more extreme techniques.

Now, I am aware, self bondage can be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. One should ALWAYS make sure to have an emergency way out (usually scissors). In fact, I frequently do self bondage when my roomie is home so no matter what, I can ask for help. Whats more, when I plan on tying my hands as well, I usually don't use a mouth stuffing gag that I could easily choke on.

Having said, I do have a few techniques I have been working on. My main one is pretty basic, and can be used to make a decent hogtie. You start by taking a short length of rope and tying a square knot at it's ends, in essence making a single loop of rope. Now fold that rope back on itself several times until you have several coils of rope layered on top of one another, making one small loop. Put that aside for now. Take another short length of rope and tie your ankles, with no cinching yet. Lastly, wrap a third length of rope around your tied ankles, cinching the original tie. However, at the end of one length of this third rope, tie a slip knot. Now, get on your knees and put one wrist through the first rope (the short loop). Before putting the second wrist, put the coils through the slip knot you just made. Now slide your second wrist through the rope. Lastly, from your knees, lean onto your stomach (you start on your knees because it gives you more leverage to slip the rope through the slip knot). And now, here you are, effectively hogtied. Whenever you're ready to be untied, you just untie the slip knot.

This is my most used method. However,  I was hoping you guys could share some of your own techniques in the comments section. I'm always looking to test new methods to see how well I can rope myself up.

On Chastity

    Roughly every two or so years, I have the inclination to retry chastity. I think that is roughly how long it takes for me to forget about how much I absolutely hated it the last time I tried. Seriously, every time I had ever tried chastity it was just miserable. I had no problem with the not-cumming aspect of it all, but everything else about wearing a cock cage is JUST intolerable. The bulkiness, the discomfort, the downright pain: NO THANK YOU. So right on schedule, about two and a half years after my last run-in with the wretched machinations of the CB 3000, I was suddenly curious to have my cock locked (though to be honest I do have a slight ulterior motive). Knowing a Dom from the NYBC had wanted to lock me up in the past, I asked if he would keep me locked up for a 24 hour trial period.

To prove that I was worthy and more ready to obey His command, I underwent a week long series of obedience training; basic orders and commands to be followed and preformed daily. After proving myself more obedient and well-trained than I had in the past, He agreed to lock me up last night after work. I arrived at 8pm and he locked me in this little number: http://www.mr-s-leather.com/CB310/stainless-steel-chastity-cock-cage.html?id=YGacrTya. By this time, I had already edged myself without cumming for about a day. Between my cum-denial, obedience training, AND desire for my cock to be locked; I was desperately horny.

With this attitude, I was very excited to wear and test out the device. On the street I was surprised to find it was not only comfortable, but also fairly covert and unnoticeable. Unlike my previous experiences with chastity, I could really see myself wearing it for a while. I wore it to the bondage club where I was happy to wait on BLL contributor Sente. He tied me up several times and showed me off in my locked-cock state. Having my cock locked during play was a rather interesting experience. For the first time EVER possibly, I was truly unconcerned with my own pleasure. Knowing I couldn't cum, and that my dick was incapable of feeling any stimulation, it made it clear that the importance was on the man I was with. It was literally like my dick was non-existent. It's hard to really explain unless you have been in that situation, but it made me feel submissive and subservient in a way I had not quite experienced through any other method.

However, it was at the club that I started to experience the first drawbacks of the device. Every time I tried to piss, the trajectory of my urine would miss the hole in the device and end up filling the tube with piss. After a few seconds, it would start pouring out of the back of the device and all over my crotch. It was mostly just a mild nuisance. However, that night when I got home and got piss all over my jeans, I realized what a problem it could be. On one hand, yes: being forced to accidentally piss your pants a bit is hot and VERY humiliating. But in terms of the practicality of wearing this device long term, not being able to piss without getting it everywhere is simply unacceptable.

As the night wore on, and I started to get exhausted (I had worked 20 hours in 2 days and gotten about 10 hours of sleep combined), the pissing problem REALLY started annoying me. In that moment, I cheated and slipped my dick out of the tube to piss without problems. I then stuffed it back in the tube, but everything started hurting. The skin under my balls was getting raw and irritated, and frankly I was just getting bothered by the whole situation. Still, I went to bed and just resigned to deal with it. At 5am I woke to my balls tingling and pinching. I was so frustrated that I just tried cheating and taking the whole thing off. Which is when I REALLY hurt my balls trying to tug them through the cockring. Realizing I couldn't get it off, and just wanting to get some sleep made me FURIOUS. I texted the Dom to let him know I wanted it off first thing in the morning. After a while, I managed to cool off and fall back asleep.

When I woke up, I was still pretty over the whole situation, and quite ready to get the cage off. The Dom said I could come over at 2 and so I went about my day till then. However, something had happened last night in my 5am panic. I had realized how helpless I was. I really was LOCKED in and had NO POWER AT ALL to free myself. My dick and my body was truly under the control of one Man. The more I let this sink in, the more intoxicated with my helplessness I became. I got some lube and reset everything as best I could so it would be as comfortable as it had been the other night (in my 5am panic the night before, EVERYTHING had fallen out of place and was terribly uncomfortable and cumbersome). And then I texted the Dom...and BEGGED him to keep me 24 hours as we initially agreed. I thanked him profusely for locking me up; grovelling and giving in to my total submission. I realized I had become dickless, and in that realization I gave in completely to being under a Man's power.

I spent a full 24 hours in chastity. And while it had it's ups and downs, I am very grateful for the experience. We ended up discussing the pissing problem and figured out what went wrong exactly. Now, I can't wait to be locked up again for even longer.